Speaking of bad luck and trouble

i cannot hate myself into a version of me i will love.

i cannot punish myself in any way that will unmake the past.

first rule of parasite infection is to have fun and be yourself

second rule is to start being something else

don’t ask chatgpt I can lie to you for free

free my girl. yeah she did all that but what else was she SUPPOSED TO DO this is bullshit and you know it, your honor

*whacks you with my animal crossing bug net* *whacks you with my animal crossing bug net* *whacks you with my animal crossing bug net*

hey sorry it's just that i don't think i'm very good at being a person. thanks for letting me try with you, anyway.

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

I think as your job satisfaction gets lower and lower you should gain access to an increasingly broad and powerful suite of forbidden magic

Hilary Knight could eat Claude Giroux for breakfast and don’t let anyone tell you different.