Crossbell Crustacean

hate how step trackers try to tell me how many calories im burning like im not HERE for that!!! im going on walks to gain enough leg strength to kick my enemies to death!! stop telling me about my calories!!!

I just learned yesterday that watermelons could explode when overripe and then today one exploded in my kitchen. So I guess I'll never learn anything new ever again just to be safe.

Tita is badly written according to these people?

IIRC the reasoning was "she's great in Sky but kind of a nothingburger afterwards". Same reasoning for Rixia.

Cosmic horror story about the protagonist being driven mad by having forbidden knowledge seared into their mind in which it gradually becomes clear that the protagonist is a housecat and the terrible gnosis that renders even their most familiar intimacies alien to them is the ability to do first grade math.

They have difficulty functioning in their daily life because they're constantly seeing maddening patterns beyond mundane perception, but those patterns are merely the product of being able to count higher than three. All forgetting to eat as they obsessively count the pieces of dry kibble in their bowl.

have you seen the lord of the rings movies? the practical effects look great, but there's also an amazing digital serkis

somnophillia is super funny like im honk shoo honk shoo having a good nights sleep and now you must pass the ultimate test of fucking me without waking me by knocking something over or stepping on a crisp packet i've left on my floor. can you finish your mission while my pet geckos judge you from their tanks? because they're not leaving the room okay the geckos stay in here. also the markiplier fnaf playlist stays on. i sleep better when he's screaming.

all kink stuff is playing pretend but with somno you're not playing pretend you're locked in you're comfy cozy you're snug as a bug in a rug and your partner is playing pretend instead

and like. if you're the one awake you're playing pretend so hard right now like ouuuuhhh look at me i'm a scary evil intruder or a demon or vampire or whatever we're doing tonight and now i just have to uhhhh okay shimmy the duvet off and shhh dontfucking breathe so loud and okayyyyy alright now. ah shit they're sleeping in the family guy death pose how the fuck do i get in there how. how do i. help. why are these geckos looking at me.

plus you have to not get too scared when freddy fazbear jumpscares you or else you're waking them up with your screams

oh great and this guy's here in the cuck box wondering if the screaming is me waking up or markiplier dying or toy bonnie throwing a tantrum

Every time I feed my cats, instead of crowding around their food bowls, they'll run to the door and peer out of it while standing smartly at attention, presumably to make sure no-one sneaks up on us while I'm preparing the food. That's literally never happened, but I appreciate the concern.

(In fairness, they're both shelter rescues, so it's plausible that they independently picked up this habit before I got them, but I do have to wonder what prior experience could possibly have taught them to stand guard at the door while their human prepares their food.)

They are guarding the barley from potentates.

this book I’m reading on female evolution for some reason uses bill and hillary clinton as examples of the typical differences between male and female vocal structures and the author is like “imagine if bill clinton had a throat sac like an ape which caused his voice to resonate” don’t say that? I don’t want to imagine that?

billiam clinton saying his famous line “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” in a booming voice that can be heard up to two miles away and everyone starts hooting like monkeys and banging their fists on their chests

im going to [remembers suicide jokes are bad for you and your loved ones] read dream of the red chamber [an even worse option]