Crossbell Crustacean

this book I’m reading on female evolution for some reason uses bill and hillary clinton as examples of the typical differences between male and female vocal structures and the author is like “imagine if bill clinton had a throat sac like an ape which caused his voice to resonate” don’t say that? I don’t want to imagine that?

billiam clinton saying his famous line “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” in a booming voice that can be heard up to two miles away and everyone starts hooting like monkeys and banging their fists on their chests

ice cream truck blasting gymnopedie no. 1 while a bunch of really forlorn children chase after it

Can we stop with the character development. Where's my beach episode.

Fortuneteller, turning over the Death card: Don't worry. It isn't literal. It simply refers to some form of change. Me: Phew Fortuneteller; turning over the Gets Eaten by the Fortuneteller While Trying to Leave card: That can also mean many things

i think taylor swift wishes she was bisexual because she knows it would make her slightly more money. whereas sabrina carpenter wishes she was bisexual so she could have sex with someone who looks exactly like herself. and ariana grande wishes she was bisexual because she did too many designer drugs on the set of wicked and now she has kin memories of being glinda for real

im only attracted to worthy opponents

The only thing I miss about Brands on tumblr are those shitass 4 frames gifs they used to make

HANG ON A SECOND, IT’S RIGHT HERE

BY HEAVEN THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING

what’s up youtube it’s ya boy liu bang. today we’re speedrunning the unification of china. to start, i picked up this sick mandate. now, some of you may be familiar with this bad boy —

the "rip ___ you would have loved ___" meme is inherently more fun with ancient characters. rip clytemnestra you would have loved morse code. rip theseus you would have loved the airtag. rip callisto you would have loved wearing shorts.

rip Icarus you would have loved parachutes

brazilians, imagine you’re a famous futebol player and are about to hit the winning penalty kick at the world cup finals. accidentally, the referee tosses a christian baby at you. would you still kick the baby to the goal and win the hexa championship, and sacrifice the christian baby?

So what? Are you too good to see Oprah's Device?

Why is Vegeboop so unique?