How to Be Trans-friendly and Subvert Crummy Gender Roles at the Same Time, in Five Easy Steps!
1) Try not to assume someoneâs gender identity only based on appearance or behavior. Call others what they want to be called, identify them as they want to be identified, and find that out by either asking or listening attentively for their own cues. Many women donât like being called âMiss, Ladies, Honey, Maâam or Tranny.â Some people donât dig gender identifiers at all, and just like to be called their names. When in doubt as to someoneâs gender or how someone prefers to ID, just ask.
2) Turn the switch in your brain that makes you say things like âAll men are jerks,â or âWomen just want money,â or âShe looks/acts/sounds like a boy.â There are NO sex or gender absolutes, and the less we fall for or support them, the less power they have to keep everybody down.
3) Nix staring and whispering. When someone looks or acts in a way which you think is incongruent to their sex or gender, check yourself out. Think about WHY you think that way, where those ideas come from, and if itâs reasonable or positive. Take a few minutes to wonder how much the criteria youâre thinking about even matters. Itâs okay to be curious or confused and to ask respectful questions. Whatâs not cool is making someone else feel unsafe, insulted or demeaned because youâre uncomfortable with your own lack of knowledge or understanding (or insecure about your own gender identity).
4)Â Be a gender outlaw. If thereâs something in your school that is unfairly closed to a given sex, gender or gender identity, that is based on gender appearance, that excludes others on the basis of sex or gender when it just isnât reasonable or fair, question it. If in your relationships, you have a partner who is clearly holding you to a gender role or status that isnât okay with you, or which you arenât interested in meeting, speak up. Challenge sex and gender issues directly when need be, and gather your forces to do so. Write letters. Engage discussion and awareness. Be visible. Donât accept gender norms, roles or status at face value (even if they are just fine for you):Â question.
5) Work on tolerance and compassion. You donât have to agree with someone or understand where theyâre at to be kind, humane, accepting and fair. Imagine yourself walking a mile in another personâs shoes, including the blisters youâd wind up with in their heels.
Heather Corinna, Genderpalooza! A Sex & Gender Primer