basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

I don't think this is true, but I will wait for a ruling by the sacred boar that lives in the center of the earth

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

i am banned from eating my herring inside. they make me eat it on the smoking area by the loading dock, under the theory that it already smells bad there. but it was raining today which was preventing my breakfast, so i was feeling sad and hungry and then i realized that there was a large cardboard box in the dumpster from a previous delivery. like a fridge sized box. so i fished it out of the dumpster, then tipped it on its side and had a nice little cardboard cave to watch the rain and eat my fish in. which was a great experience. very soothing. very zen. at least until the security guard from the day before stepped outside to smoke. then i tried hiding from him by crawling deeper in the box, which unfortunately did not work. instead he saw a sort of damp sniveling pale hairless creature eating fish in a box, and delivered the verbal killshot of "good morning, mr. smeagol." which is how my day was ruined before 8 am.

"pjackk" was an experiment to synthesize the world's first "ethical lolcow" conducted by a team of researchers at the massachusetts institute of technology

do you know they gave the michellin man his sache because he has the worlds most disgusting cum?

why did you take this screenshot in the shower

I’M RIGHT BEHIND YOU

Thank you Evil Wizard, it’s good to know someone has our backs

IN A SCARY WAY

Thank you Evil Wizard, finally someone to scare away the creeps!

I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO WORK ON OUR COMMUNICATION

"comparing apples and oranges" has always been funny to me as an expression because people's go to exampe of two things so radically different that they defy any useful comparison are apples. and oranges. like you would struggle to find a more comparable pair of objects than that. theyre literally sold right next to each other in most stores.