chaos. calamity. catastrophe.

*expresses a reason i’m upset* oh god im being manipulative aren’t I

as a child i was always amazed by how fast adults could chop onions and then before you know it you’re chopping onions very fast and that’s it that’s life

Do you ever just touch your face and think “there be bones in me skin”

how many hands you got

two? don’t see how that’s relevant

that’s still four people

will smith isn’t gay. he has a wife and three beautiful, talented children

I can’t believe this post predicted the live action Aladdin genie

someone: *notices an intimate detail about me & shares the observation with me* me: who are u working for

if u hug me from behind i will push my butt against ur dick

ur making this heimlich manoeuvre real awkward bro