lightning;

her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

i eat a lot of bread because it’s soft and i deserve it. also i am gorgeous

[ID: A photo of a pigeon. It does, in fact, look gorgeous.]

next dynamic were sexualizing is that of a bull and a toreador

“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?

please hurry up in reblogging this I wanna jorts it before someone puts it in one of those heartwarming tiktok slideshows

i was like 'what could jorts it possibly mean' but as with many things clicking the original post immediately clarified the situation

am i allowed to text friends i have not spoken to in awhile or will they gather and beat me with sticks send post

Amazing that we call him the cookie clicker guy and not the "this website's hate mail game is insane" guy because one of those things had a much bigger impact on Tumblr culture than the other

thou? art not the knave. thou'rt not capable of BEING the knave. i hadst a knave, but now have none. thou. art not. the knave.

wench wrench, wretched wench, i madst thou my wench (JESSIE!)

my sire and my lady and my lady and my si-ire