blood and tears

I’m not the most eloquent writer, but I’ve had this idea kicking around for a while and figured I’d put it out into the universe.

A lot of the basis for the “humans are space orcs” stuff is the idea that we’re pretty durable compared to many species, yeah? When it comes to physical trauma, we can bounce back from most things that don’t kill us outright, especially given the benefit of hypothetical space-age technology, and adrenaline is one heck of a drug when it comes to functioning under stress. 

But that doesn’t make us unkillable, and even though we can survive debilitating injuries and not die from shock, it doesn’t mean it’s fun. Dying of shock sucks, but at least it’s probably quick.

So - Imagine a ship, adrift in space, slowly being drawn into a star or something. In order to save the ship, someone has to repair the hyper-quantum-relay-majig on the hull or in the engine or whatever. Bit of a problem though- there’s a ton of deadly, deadly radiation (Wrath of Khan style) or poisonous fumes or, I dunno, electrical current, between the crew and the repair. Like, enough to kill most species instantly, so the crew is just like, ‘welp, guess we’ll die then’. But then.

BUT THEN

They ask the human. Because everyone’s heard the stories - you’re basically unkillable, right? Could you survive long enough in there to fix it? And their human goes real quiet for a second, but still says ‘Yeah, I could fix it’. And the rest of the crew is like, ‘Whaaaaaa, it won’t kill you?’ and the human repeats “I can fix it” (which isn’t an answer, but no one catches that, not yet at least), so they send ‘em in. And the human fixes it, they come back, the ship flies to safety, and the crew is thrilled to survive. If the human is a little quiet, well, they’re entitled after pulling off a miracle. Everyone else is just excited to get to the nearest station’s bar to tell their very own human story, cuz, ‘those crazy humans, amiright?’.

The good mood keeps up until the human is late for their next shift. At first it’s just faint unease, but- but they earned a bit of a lie-in, right? No reason to begrudge them some extra rest, even if it is a little weird for them to oversleep. They’ll be fine. Humans are always fine. 

(Right?)

(…Wrong.)

- What is… help. Help!-

- ake up! You have t-

- been days. You need sleep, you-

- nother transfusion. We could-

- out of sedatives!-

A week later, the crew finally reaches the station. They stumble into the bar, haggard and haunted. And over the next months and years a new rumor about humans starts to make its way through space. A rumor unlike any before.

They won’t tell their crewmates that whatever danger it is will just kill them slowly, that they can endure the exposure but not the long-term effects.

But the idea that humans can be fragile? Can die later from exposure to radiation or toxins or electricity or even smoke inhalation?

It seems preposterous!

There are too many stories about humans surviving all sorts of conditions that would kill their other crewmates. A human dying slowly, later, lingering and in agony? It’s a creepy story but of course it’s not true.

But then… another crew shares their own story. Their human volunteered to go into the danger zone to fix what needed to be fixed. Or maybe she had to retrieve a critical component or resource. And she lingered. Wasted away. Later the human doctors told their medical team there was nothing they could do but make sure she was comfortable, ease her pain before the end.

And yet another crew, whose human plunged through smoke and ash to make sure his crew could escape. He choked and coughed and couldn’t get enough air. Their medical commander performed an autopsy and found his lungs and throat and sinuses all coated in black soot and blackened mucus and red blood.

So the stories spread. Just because they don’t die of shock, just because they don’t die right away doesn’t mean it won’t kill them. They linger in agony or unconscious or waste away slowly.

But what’s most horrifying of all?

When other humans hear the stories from the traumatized crewmembers?

They aren’t surprised or horrified.

They say “Of course”

They say “I would have done the same”

They say “it was the Right Thing to do”

It's not expressly said that way. It's couched in gentler, loving phrases like "he's never felt this way before" and "it wasn't like this with anyone else." It's especially prevalent when there is a canon love interest to be denied, or a mutually exclusive ship to push back against, and it feels like trying to quietly dismiss a contrived love triangle instead of recognizing that different loves can share intensity and one might still not work out.

And I'm not saying it's bad, I'm not saying it's problematic or amoral or something that needs to stop, that people shouldn't be doing this. I'm not saying that one true love is a bad trope. I guess I'm just asking, what are we afraid of?

Why can't the character have felt that way before? Why can't they have loved someone with their whole heart before? It's the tragedy of love isn't it- that sometimes it doesn't work. Not that the love was missing or less, but that it was there, that it was whole and full and real, that it mattered... but that it didn't change anything, couldn't work out. The circumstances were wrong, the people were wrong despite their love, it was everything and that wasn't enough. Love doesn't have to be less or gone to recognize that maintaining a relationship for it is unsustainable. A character can leave behind a great love and find a new great love, and while love is never quite The Same between people, it can be As Much.

And I guess I'm wondering, you know, how it is better, to love wholly only once? "It was never like this with the other person" is surely meant to be a soft sentiment declaring how much greater this love is, but, all it does is make me wonder what is so weak about it that if there was an equal love, this love wouldn't survive it, wouldn't be chosen.

It’s happened! The first Blaze post has haunted my dash, and it’s the fucking 95 theses. 

My mom has never had it but Mamaw might have. You have to pick the leaves when they're still small and then boil and wash them several times so they don't make you sick or kill you.