messy

“Unexplainable”  

My mind is my biggest wound

The broken bone I can’t fix

Everything is fractured and loose

And I become something you can’t deduce   

I wish you could understand the abuse

I’m a pawn in a losing game

My death is their aim

And I struggle to tell you these words

Because my heart feels like a ton of bricks  

Who wants to hear that someone wants to die?

That every move they make is outbound?

It hurts to tell you this

Because last night I dreamt I’d be with white little doves

And my head almost complied

"2500 words"

my mouth is full of word vomit theres millions of mistakes i can say to you from my fist of anger the start of your trigger point-blank and shoot something untrue

but the truth is, i have no rigor all this pent up emotion is my devotion i mourn what once was and can never be because deep down inside i know youre free and ill never be

you’re a piece of shitty artwork painted by the worst of hands. crushed beneath autumn leaves, everywhere you stand, dreams die.

i’m sick of your cheap saturation, the same old act, the same old fraud. sad people waiting in lines, just to watch you fade away.

burn every page. burn every line. there’s nothing worth saving. couldn’t care if you cried me a choir.

how did you become what you swore you’d never be? how could you become that garbage? i guess posers feed on capital trash, and smile through every act of carnage.

i’m losing time curled up on the floor the longer i stay, the less i try just scratching at a door

there’s a gate left open a yard i could run through but i rot in the corner instead like i was trained to do

another day goes by you call me lazy, call me stray kick me out, then call me back just to make me stay

i look up when you speak like i still might be fed like maybe this time you won’t wish i was dead

why did you take me in if i’m mangy, all wrong? no teeth just a weak, useless bark in my throat

fleas in my fur filth in my skin i make a mess of your house just by existing in it

so why keep me here? i don’t listen, i don’t learn no loyalty left in me just something that never returns

this isn’t companionship it’s something to mourn not for you but for me for the way i was worn

you never raised me right just kept me on a chain close enough not to leave far enough to feel pain

i’m a witch who can talk to cats taking a look from above, nose turned up high there’s nothing ever good to trust moving in a rocking motion, there’s no good feeling in this emotion.

wish you could look me in eye and see the thousand paths i’ve crossed but you can’t not even all my crossroads and bridges marked in the meat of a thigh

simple as one, two, and three end this with a “i’m free” but I’m not i can’t be saved, not even you and never me for it’s all the same

torment your mind for the hundredth time again, again and again making misery fit into measured rhyme write it out and tear it out until you have nobody nobody left to confide

erase all your thoughts and memories in your head bleed it dry no pulse that you were ever there, making veins go red

give me peace, give me rest don’t include my name in prayer when i’m gone, don’t ever feel despair So I was never even there

don’t make me out to be good nor blessed don’t play savior in my chest

detest me like a hill you have to climb i don’t like me, i don’t like my mind remember the nasty things i said spit into the grave instead

join our hands in communion memorate the ones who left and scarified their holy spirt to reach a land with no name

traveled more than 5000 miles leaving what you once called home we only hope you preach the verses so you don’t forget what you once were

blow and they flutter through the wind they listen to every word you say beautiful when you see them, ugly once you use them

wishes to be fulfilled, never kiss them goodbye part of them wishes to be left behind yet they were conceived for a reason to plant and grow human desire

parachuting down, making the generation more dire the rest of the weeds are ripped and torn but these make such beautiful gardens a purpose made to mourn being born