Its Not An Enemy Stand!

(aka it’s spooky season so I’m gonna ramble about one of my favorite horror themed games. Contains mild spoilers for the end of Darkest Dungeon, though nothing you couldn’t predict if you’re even passingly familiar with Lovecraftian horror.)

If you haven’t played Darkest Dungeon, here’s the rundown: 

You play the nameless heir to an estate left by an ancestor of yours. This ancestor was an absolute bastard whose reckless and amoral actions unleashed all manner of eldritch horrors on the countryside. It’s now your job to act as manager for adventurers-for-hire as they venture out into the countryside, fighting cosmic horrors, finding food and medicine, and getting you the resources you need to slowly repair the damage that your absolute shithead ancestor left behind.

Any review of Darkest Dungeon will talk about how punishing it is. How death is permanent and how physical and mental traumas leave mechanical effects behind. How as a player you will have to make harsh choices that play into the overall dark tone.

These reviews aren’t wrong exactly. The mechanics are harsh and lead to some intense, nail-biting decisions. But what I think they leave out is - Darkest Dungeon isn’t about suffering and dying. 

“Darkest Dungeon is about making the most of a bad situation.”

That line is in quotation marks because it comes from a paragraph of text you see every time you start the game. And it reflects the mindset I’ve seen in a lot of people who enjoy it, myself included.

And this is coming from someone who analyzed every single episode of Scooby’s All-Star Laff-A-Lympics.

Alright, look. The New Scooby and Scrappy-Doo Show is… argh, how to put it….

Imagine watching a 10-minute condensed version of a Scooby-Doo episode, in which random things have been added and subtracted… all for zero reason.

Why, look! No Fred and Velma in this series! Why’s that?

…no reason. They just… aren’t there.

What dynamics does it change within the group, and how does it affect the stories/shenanigans?

…it doesn’t. Everything happens as usual, just… minus two people.

Subtract two characters, and add the canine embodiment of pandering and obnoxious non-importance. That’s the show.

Sorry, Scrappy, but… well, at least the story revolved around young Anakin. He’s got you beaten there, friend.

But forget the random character changes – it’s all miniscule in comparison to the rest of these bizarre, 10-minute fever dreams.

After great reflection, I can find no other way to describe the experience of the show besides this: 

“Things just happen.”

They went to an allegedly haunted house, and now there’s a face in the fireplace for one scene, because there is!

Now, they’re scared of the face in the fireplace!

Now, Scrappy says some words from his face hole!

Now, there’s a ghost playing the piano, because there is!

Now, they’re scared of the ghost playing the piano!

Now, there’s a floating rhinoceros head in the living room, because there is!

Now, they’re scared of the floating rhinoceros head!

Now, there’s a random living statue, because there is!

Now, Scrappy many words says talk hole from!

Now, there’s a skeleton all gussied up for sunday brunch while Shaggy looks like he’s flirting with it and OH SWEET GOODNESS MY BRAIN IS MELTING

…ok, this is making the show sound way more interesting than it actually is.

Because when you actually watch it, it’s an incoherent, unfocused, bizarrely-paced, unstructured, redundant jumble of things just happening.

Remember when you saw all those classic Scooby-Doo elements ‘n’ plot archetypes in the older shows?

Want to see those same things all over again, but crammed haphazardly into an incomprehensible fun-sized candy bar of visual and auditory suffering…

…while Scrappy-Doo slowly sucks out your soul?

Then this is the series for you.

it’s too late for me

Read the paper here

YEAH

Well Adobe is retiring flash in 2020 (rip) and this dude BlueMaxima has created a project to save online flash/shock/java/etc games and animation though a launcher software. HERE

There’s literally thousands of games that have been found and saved.

Me:

A quick summary of the evening