there's something buried in the words

my hobbies include knowing and being right

*steals jokes from The Simpsons but formats them in tumblr-post memes to make them seem like my own original jokes*

hey followers. have you ever wanted to know how it feels to be inside a bag of cornflakes

ye

enter the cornflakes domain

I fucking hate this website because not only did I click this goddamn link expecting it to be a joke of some sort, but it wasn’t a joke and I sat here spinning the screen around enjoying myself in a stupid bag of cornflakes like the dumbass monkey I am on Tumblr.com, enthralled by being in a bag of corn flakes in

i just want to be a cat in late spring. because then i could just sit in the sun and blink slowly and maybe chase a bug. i think that’s what we all want

i’m your biggest fan i’ll follow you until you love me tama tamagotchi..

hello male writer. before you is a typewriter. you have one day to write a novella with a woman as the protagonist without describing her breasts. the timer begins now

Her ass was like a peach, and brother I’m in her pit.

well. that one’s on me

The phrase “Tip: I am so fucking mad” will not leave my brain

Inspecting your dash for mice

sensible chuckle