what if it was called magic the slathering and it was about lotions and ointments

Dude living downstairs has been loudly rapping for like 10 minutes, then suddenly did a high pitched scream, and now its silent down there

he got raptured

@hamletthedane

Old man, sitting in the pool steps reading his book

UNRESTRAINED SUMMER FUN

i have not seen this meme in so long im loving it

one of the reasons i love tumblr is that occasionally classic memes like this show up on my dashboard

It’s like reaching into the cupboard for food and accidentally finding a 19 year old can of soup that you’ve kept for sentimental reasons

"this thing is rare and only affects 1% of the population" dude that's 80 million people can you shut up

explained to an 8 year old that once a fruit is ripe you only have so much time until it rots so you have to eat it soon and she said so i'll never be able to keep it perfect like this forever? no and there are about a million pieces of art for you unrelatedly

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

The first attested cat in Japan was given to a young 9th century emperor and his diary about it includes such gems as 'I affixed a bow about its neck, but it did not remain for long.", "The color of the fur is peerless. None could find the words to describe it, although one said it was reminiscent of the deepest ink.", "When it lies down, it curls in a circle like a coin. You cannot see its feet. It’s as if it were circular Bi disk." and "I am convinced it is superior to all other cats.” Basically posting about how his void is the best little void and so good at getting really round

So I think the biggest difference between Manousos and Carol and the hivemind is that the hive is nice but not kind and Manousos and Carol are kind but not nice. Like both Manousos and Carol they come on strong and they don’t always say the right thing and sometimes they’re rude but they’re not mean. When it comes down to it they’re both very kind. The way Carol tells that one upset reader what page to read to find out about Raban when she was upset, the way she helped the guy in the truck and went to run for help when Zosia started seizing even though she was just screaming at her two seconds before. The way Manousos snaps his fingers at Carol to request something, makes the hive member seize on purpose, gets mad when Carol won’t do the very understandable thing of not wanting to get in a stranger’s van but he also isn’t judging Carol for her relationship with Zosia he even seems to understand it he’s just trying to make her realize she has to choose and sure he made the hive seize but he warned them first and he talked to Rick very kindly when he was trying to coax him out of it. It’s the exact opposite of the hive. The hive will smile at you and say all sorts of nice things to you and give you whatever you want or need but they’ll then turn around and turn you into one of them even though you’ve repeatedly asked them not to and said how upset that would make you.

They need to invent a type of exercise that doesn't absolutely fucking suck to do.

a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.