Mikky Jade

Because I'm still broken.

The actions of people in middle school, have irrevocably broken me.

I haven't had a single friend since then.

Not for lack of trying, but when you so deep-seatedly believe that you are a "worthless human being that will never amount to anything", it's hard to make connections with people. Especially when the people who told you those words are the ones you held in such high regard, whom you thought to be your closest friends.

So why wouldn't anyone else think the same thing?

It's been so lonely, not having anyone. To watch your world crumble around you. Your mother is a narcissistic manipulator whom you haven't seen in years, the rest of your family doesn't visit or care, you have quite literally no friends to talk to.

The only people in my life are my husband and my kids. I love them all so dearly.

I know there are so many things in my life to be thankful for,

But I see the lives of the people from my past, and how they've moved on, past the heartache they caused me.

It hurts me more than words can describe.

Why do they get to be happy? After the horrible, awful things they said and did to me.

Part of me wishes I could find them just to tell them that even after a decade, what they did still hurts me, and has effected my life. Part of me still just wants to cry and beg them to explain to me why I deserved what they did.

Part of me wishes they were still a part of my life.

I hate every part of this.