What It Feels Like When I Stutter...
Well....you’re talking to someone one day; perhaps in the middle of a good story. When suddenly you realize that you’re suddenly stuck on a word. Perhaps it was something that started with the letter “B” or “L”. Or maybe you got a little nervous bringing up a certain fact in the story. What ever the case, your brain starts to freak out as you try to make your mouth work again. Maybe your tongue starts to hurt cause you accidentally got it stuck against your teeth. The more you try to push the word out, the more you panic because you can see that look on the other person’s face. You know that look...... The one they give you when they feel sorry for you with a touch of concern. Which makes you more anxious cause your brain starts to tell you, “You’re waisting their time just spit it out!” But you can’t.....You try but you can’t. You and your mouth are stuck and you have to try and focus enough to stop and try again. Suddenly you realize all the air in your lungs have been blown out from all this trying. Now it’s a matter of needing to breathe, but still your mouth won't move.Â
...Finally, after what seems like forever, you take a deep breathe and you have control again. Maybe with your last breath, you got the word out, but the other person couldn't hear you because it was so faint. Or maybe you finally got your brain to give up for now so you can breathe. Either way, you know you gotta try again. And you pray that this time around, the word comes out easier so that the whole process won't repeat itself. And you pray that you don’t hear a laugh or snarky comment from the other person. Even if they don't react, your brain convinces you that they may be judging you in their heads. And you just wish you could just disappear and never have to talk again.....but you don’t. Because you know that even if they say something or not, you gotta keep talking. Speaking is a major form of communication and you wanna be heard. So you get through it. Suck in the anger, the sadness, the annoyance, the embarrassment, and any other feelings you may be feeling. And you just keep talking. And you just keep Stuttering.....





















