shut up gray

And I just remember sitting there going that can't be right, that character just thinks the same way I do and *I'm* not autistic, she's totally in the wrong about that

In 2021, Swarovski (the company that makes the very sparkly crystals you see in certain jewelry, on figure-skaters' twinkliest outfits, on red carpet dresses), decided they didn't want the grubby fingers of small-time jewelers, clothing designers and costumers and crafters on their shiny beads and rhinestones anymore. They decided to limit their sales to "luxury" and couture creators, not girls who sell stuff on Etsy. The tenor of their press release on the subject was snide and insulting. Resellers (like your favorite bead shop) would no longer be allowed to carry their product; the average Jane on the street would not be able to purchase them. You could only get them if you had an authorized business agreement that bound you to very strict brand behavior. And those of us who still had good stock of the crystals would no longer be "permitted" to use the brand's name in our listings for sale.

Every bead shop and craft supply place and many, many small clothing makers--wedding shops, prom and dancing dress suppliers, the sort of salt of the Earth mom and pop time machines of shops that are the backbone of the field--scrambled to find something that could replace them. The last of the stock dwindled quickly, all of us grabbing what we could get while there was any chance of it, and then it was gone and we no longer had any access.

I was Big Pissed about it at the time. It was just so goddamn stuck-up, when wholesalers and indie jewelers had made them so much money, when some people I knew--when *I!*--had been brand-loyal for decades. But with no recourse, everyone pivoted fairly quickly, most of us to Preciosa Crystals. Those are Czech, quite sparkly, and considerably less expensive than Swarovski. The faceting method they use is different, but not worse; any differences are hardly noticeable when you're seeing them as a hundred pinpoints of light.

Well, out of nowhere, Swarovski just dropped this: https://www.harmanbeads.com/swarovski-brand-policy-update

"Effective June 1, 2026, Swarovski updated the distribution and brand usage policies introduced in 2021. Businesses may now purchase Swarovski Crystals without signing a Brand Control Agreement, and Authorized Distribution Partners may once again sell Swarovski Crystals to resellers, including bead stores and online retailers. Businesses may also use the Swarovski brand name when following Swarovski’s Proper Use Guidelines. Designers, manufacturers, artists, brands, retailers, and resellers are now eligible to purchase Swarovski Crystals through authorized distribution channels."

They want us back. A lot of the companies who could have kept a brand relationship with them also have swapped to Preciosa, over the last half-decade, in solidarity with indie creators and out of a sour awareness that it could be them, next. And it doesn't hurt that Preciosa was able to expand their line quite a bit now that everyone who wanted sparkle had no choice but to go to them.

And I'm not seeing nearly anyone who intends to return. The feeling is, "Y'all told us to fuck off! Off we fucked! And now, that's what you can do, too!" I'm seeing a lot of "How many of us did you stab in the back?" comments from the people whose money they're hoping to attract.

Okay. cracks knuckles. I was exaggerating a bit about falling in love, what do I know about the internal experience of the octopus? But it was fucking cool as hell. This is what happened, as accurate to my memory as I can manage.

My family was visiting Australia for about a month, in Northern Hemisphere summer/Southern Hemisphere winter (June/July?) of like... 2013? I think it was just before one of my years of law school, or right before law school in general. We spent a week of this visiting Sydney, where we stayed at a place right on... Manley Beach? Is that something? I'm not looking it up, so if that's not a place name, that's just my memory failing me.

It was winter but the weather was gorgeous and we decided, fuck it, let's go swimming. The water was Ice Fucking Cold. This wasn't a huge problem given the warm weather. I was submerging slowly in the rocky area, like, down at the left side of that stretch of beach? Left side when you're facing the ocean. It wasn't just tide pools, it was pretty deep, up to my waist. The bottom of it was large rounded rocks with some vegetation in between, the occasional fish. The water was also super clear.

I was kind of bouncing around in the water when I felt something wrap around my ankle.

Knowing Australia's (we're not going to debate about whether it's deserved or not) reputation for horrifyingly deadly wildlife, I yelped. My mom was close by, and she was like, what is it, and I conveyed the situation to her. She said that it was just seaweed, don't be silly.

The next time I felt something curling around my ankle I actually saw it. It was an octopus with a body bigger than a baseball but not much bigger -- what's slightly bigger than a baseball? A mango? And its tentacles were like a foot to a foot and a half (1/3 to 1/2 meter) long. So it was little, and it was scooting away across the seafloor, and it was clearly tentacled, and right in front of my eyes it turned into a damn rock.

"That was NOT seaweed," I remember saying.

I kept still, and the rock uncurled a tentacle and then another, and it crept back across the rocks towards me. At this point I could see it really well. It reached out to me again, and at this point my curious ape tendencies took over and I reached into the water when it reached up to me. Its tentacles wrapped around my hand and fingers. It's so hard to describe. It was almost velvety, if rubbery ocean skin could be velvety. Its little suction cups were so strong and they were moving, they were alive. The whole tentacle felt like pure muscle. This was all fucking wild. And I was by far not the only one in this rocky area -- there were my two parents, there were some other people further in. This octopus was clearly curious about me. It was tasting and thinking and then it played a little tug of war with me.

Someone yelled something about 'does it have blue rings' which it did not. I had no idea how good that was at the time. Except for the size, I just think it matched what a Pacific octopus looks like, which is to say: it had no color, and it was grey, and it was all colors.

Some dudes were nearby and I think they had a camera on me? And they were like "How are you not freaked out, I would never get in the water again" and I was privately thinking this is so fucking cool I'm having a cosmic experience but what I said was "DO I NOT LOOK FREAKED OUT." So I guess I was also a little freaked out.

I went over on a solid rock ledge and sat up out of the water and it attached itself to the vertical rock surface under the water and reached tentacles up and out of the water for me, like "where are you going???" So I held its tentacles some more.

At this point, my mom tried to take some pictures. They look like me with some plain boring rocks. You cannot see the octopus in a single one of them.

Eventually we had to go, but like. Holy shit. The interaction was so clearly sentient that I have not been able to even consider eating octopus since. It wanted to know what was up with me and hang out. It was detecting something about me that was interesting that was not apparent to anyone else there, so its senses must be wildly different.

Insane happening.

The dumbass conclusion to this story (not that dumbass because it involves an artist getting Cash Money) is that my father, in his infinite wisdom, decided to spend Two Thousand American Dollars on commissioning a wood sculpture of me with the octopus from the artist James Phillips.

AND THEN HE JUST LEFT IT WITH ME.

Please note I was not a child but a whole ass adult for this. I sent the artist a description of what happened and this explanatory drawing:

When you don't like a place, replace it; when people hurt you, abandon them; when you get bored, create a new idea; when you get frustrated, read with passion. The important thing in life is not to stand still as a mere spectator.

Anton Chekhov

The protagonist digs her heels in and says no, she never knew her biological father and by the way the demon explained the situation, evidently her father also doesn't know that he already has a daughter, so therefore the man who had made no contribution to her life after he bred and fled has no claim to her as something he could barter.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik

A Jewish peasant girl turned moneylender, Miriam, ends up stuck married to the fae king of winter. The daughter of a duke gets stuck married to the emperor, who is possessed by a demon.

but I'm hearing there's a NSFW-friendly ko-fi alternative built on atproto that's actively in the works, and being vetted by lawyers right now. as torrent-princess (OP) says, you should be able to swap out payment processors while keeping your account intact. this matters since even if stripe removes support, you'll still have a shop and all of your links intact. (ATproto is an infrastructure that bsky is built on, but is far bigger than bsky with far more opportunities.)

additionally, the Free Speech Coalition is working on a credit union specifically for adult work (including kink art) - here's the link so you can add your interest & support. Since this will be built by sex workers, there'll be far less risk of being debanked for spurious and puritanical reasons.

on a domain TLD level, there's an initiative here for a .furry domain built from the ground up by seasoned furries; it's unclear whether they'll support NSFW, but it's yet another promising turn of events for a group that's been similarly affected by censorship.

Slide 1: What is cerebrospinal fluid?

The central nervous system includes the brain and spinal cord, which act as the body's control center.

These structures are surrounded by cerebrospinal fluid (CSF), which cushions and protects the brain and spinal cord from injury.

[diagram of the central nervous system with brain, ventricles, cerebrospinal fluid and spinal cord labeled]

Slide 2: What are CSF leaks?

A CSF leak happens when CSF leaks out through a tear in the dura, the outer lining that surrounds the brain and spinal cord.

There are two main types of CSF leaks:

Spinal CSF leaks

Occur anywhere along the spine

Cranial CSF leaks

Occur in the skull

CSF leaks may happen after medical procedures, injury, or without an identifiable cause.

Slide 3: CSF leaks in EDS

The Ehlers-Danlos syndromes affect connective tissue, which provides structure and support throughout the body.

In some people, this can make the dura more fragile and more prone to CSF leaks.

Chiari malformation type I may also occur in people with hypermobile EDS and may be associated with CSF leaks in some cases.

[diagram of Chiari malformation type I]

Slide 4: Symptoms of cranial CSF leaks

Cranial CSF leak symptoms may include:

Clear, watery drainage from one side of the nose or ear

A salty or metallic taste in the mouth

Loss of sense of smell

Changes in hearing

Changes in behavior or ability to think clearly

[image of a head in profile with red dots on nose, mouth, ear, and brain]

Slide 5: Symptoms of spinal CSF leaks

The most common symptom of a spinal CSF leak is an orthostatic headache.

Orthostatic headaches are headaches that worsen when standing or sitting up and improve when lying down. They typically affect the back of the head and may also be triggered or worsened by coughing or straining.

Other symptoms of spinal CSF leaks may include:

Neck or shoulder pain

Changes in hearing

Dizziness, nausea, or vomiting

Changes in vision

Sensitivity to light or sound

Changes in behavior or ability to think clearly

Slide 6: Intracranial hypotension

CSF leaks can lead to low pressure inside the skull, known as intracranial hypotension.

This change in pressure is one of the reasons people experience orthostatic headaches and other symptoms.

[image of brain with a deflated shape labeled: Cerebrospinal fluid

Low pressure can cause the brain to sag]

[image of deflated balloon labeled: Deflated Balloon

Lost 'cushion' due to CSF leak]

Slide 7: Diagnosing a CSF leak

Healthcare professionals may use a range of tests to help diagnose a CSF leak, depending on the symptoms and suspected location.

These tests may include:

Beta-2-transferrin testing of fluid leaking from the ear or nose

Spinal tap, also known as lumbar puncture

Computed tomographic (CT) myelography

Intrathecal fluorescein

Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI)

In some cases, additional imaging techniques may be used to find the source of the leak.

Slide 8: Managing a CSF leak

Management depends on the type and location of the leak, as well as the underlying cause.

Conservative approaches may include bed rest, increased fluid intake, and caffeine, which may help relieve symptoms in some cases.

If these approaches are not effective, other options may be considered, such as:

Epidural blood patch

Fibrin sealant

the good news: I know my process enough to recognize this as the slump that I hit in everything I write when it's like three-quarters-ish done

the bad news: the only way out is through

the good news: I do know the way out!