IDK I'm Doing My Best

"Mario Mario" is an anachronism. He and his brother were only ever referred to by mononyms in their lifetime, like most residents of the Mushroom Kingdom at the time - multi-part names were typically reserved for members of the Toadstool dynasty, and even these were more like titles or Roman cognomina than what we would call a surname today. His putative ennoblement as founder of the "House of Mario" came centuries later as the collapsing feudal order sought additional sources of legitimacy

#mushroom kingdom folklore says that he sleeps beneath a warp pipe to arise in the time of the kingdom's greatest need #he's definitely shown up a few times but it's hard to tell if he has risen from the dead or is just in the middle of some time travel shit #historians hate him.

Okay for those of you living in pitiful ignorance, take a raw ear of corn with the husk on and cut all the way around the base (as pictured: above the point where the husk meets the cob, so that the entire husk is severed but still wrapped around the corn. Do not cut through the cob.) Then, with the husk still on, microwave it for 5-7 minutes. It'll basically steam it inside the husk. Remove from microwave --it will be hot, so use a mitt or a towel--and firmly pull the top of the husk/silk, which should come off easily in one piece, unsheathing a flawless corn on the cob. If it doesn't, you probably need to cut a little higher around the base, so all the leaves are severed. No picking off silk!

also personally if i was adrian. yeesh. imagine your husband leaves for a half a century on this noble quest and might be dead. turns out he's not! genuinely the best day of your life! but when he returns it's with a weird alien he's now really reliant on and feels codependent and PSTD feelings about and has probably had sex with. and the creature doesn't even have the fucking self-respect to have a decent exoskeleton and leaks all the time and needs its own specialised environment all this nonsense. your husband very probably had sex with something that lacks an EXOSKELETON how fucking cringe. anyway you complain to your friends so much that they're like "divorce himmm" and they send you links to space lawyers and you're like 14 seconds away from divorcing him even though you kind of feel bad due to the ongoing PTSD because you're really tired of the creature rubbing its anal gland all over your new carpets when your husband's like "by the way it only lives for eighty years and it's already forty". ohhhh eighty years? it's already halfway through? lmao? okay yeah we're fine actually. keep your weird creature it'll be dead next Thursday. that's cool. i'll sit over here. it's cool i'll wait :) no rush :)

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

look at the republican calendar and see which animal/plant/item is associated with your birthday ok. if you're born january 14 you get the day of the cat

solidarity for everyone who was born on the day of the cistern or the watering can or something like that

I hate when king arthur has all these fussy little steps in the instructions and you're like "no way do these fussy little steps matter" but you try it and they do. they matter so much.

I thought you meant Camelot quests and I was like "that's fair, 'never pick a four leaf clover on the last Wednesday of the month' IS a fussy little step that shouldn't matter" but then I was like "wait isn't that also a flour company"

nooo I am not a beleaguered knight of the round table I am making elaborate focaccia 😭

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

Cops are here.

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

thank you for your service 🤝

What if everything gets better in 2016

this is a genuinely haunting post in 2026