MeggieJolly

not jackie, not shane, not anyone. he has completely cut himself off from his family and despite the church's many attempts to contact him (a common tactic of mormon churches if they have you in the records. evangelism and all), the moment he had enough money he had a lawyer send a cease and desist. he has not spoken to his family in years, and the sibling relationship he has with shane? it's sort of all he has. he never tells anyone about this. why? because he is so fucking scared. he grew up scared, he's only ever known fear, and when he finally got out, he literally couldn't even speak about growing up without being drowned by it. that fear. the fear that it's not over and he's not safe and actually everyone was right and he'll never be safe. myhayden suggests therapy to shane because he started therapy himself because he knew he needed to do something because every time one of the guys on the bench would mumble some kind of prayer he would nearly throw up.

He has one photo of his family. one single photo of him from the ages of 0-18 that he took with him. he's 14 in the photo, the family took a group picture before sending his older brother (he was the youngest of eight) on his mission. he can't look at it, but he has it. His family was exceptionally devout. it is so ingrained in his psyche that he doesn't pick up on his latent bisexual tendencies and when jackie makes a joke about it he laughs and then has to hide in the bathroom and weep while jackie, ilya, and shane sit on the couch in the living room drinking wine. he had never been able to put words to the suffocation. could never explain why he needed to leave.

it's myhaydens initial driving force behind his dislike of ilya. because ilya had only ever spoken negatively about him and it was chirping to ilya but it accidentally hit on every bruise left by the hands of the church. you are not good. you are not capable. you are not enough.

and they get past it, obviously, myhayden is a hollanov diehard. eventually, it's Ilya who notices how hayden flinches at mentions of religion. how he has no childhood photos. how he has never told a story that occurred before he was 18. he knows what jackie said, that hayden's relationship with his parents was pretty much nonexistent and he hated talking about it. so he wonders. and ilya likes knowing things. so he asks shane and shane says the same and he knows neither of them are lying but now he's starting to realize that they've sort of been lied to, or at least not told the whole truth, and he wants to know now more than ever.

it happens one night looking at baby photos. ilya and hayden were flipping through photo albums when jackie and shane had left to pick up the girls. and ilya, after seeing a thousand photos of the kids, turns and asks, "do you think they look more like you or like jackie as kids." and hayden looks at him and ilya's eyes have that knowing behind it and hayden caves. jackie and shane aren't pushers but ilya is and hayden is at a point where he thinks he can say at least something without bursting into flames. so he tells ilya. not the whole thing, but just that he doesn't remember what he looked like as a baby. and ilya, of course, asks about pictures. and hayden says he only has one. and hayden, shockingly (to both himself and ilya) walks to his room, pulls down a box from a high closet shelf, and pulls out a single photograph. and ilya looks down at all that hayden has lost and it kicks the air from his lungs.

SHANEWEEK | DAY 3: FAVORITE QUOTE

Those are two grown men who do not need to be nagged on basic hygiene and household cleaning and such. They do need to be nagged to stop feeding their dogter too much, guys, it’s out of control, David got a call from their vet last week she might need to go on a doggy diet. Boys. Boys stop arguing it’s both your fault.

there's concern there. it's obvious. and it's SO common when it comes to bisexuality bc there's this huge and annoying misconception that bisexual people are unfaithful unloyal cheaters. and you can see it in her face as she processes the information that this is an immediate concern for her and for her son.

and now let's look at ilya's face

now he's concerned, because he knows he has to explain himself (which he does. he shouldn't have to but he does) and he's basically throwing out a hail mary to shane's parents that says hey, wait, no, i'm not gonna cheat on your son. i love your son. just because i'm bisexual doesn't mean i would hurt shane.

No—it’s because one thing Ilya knows is two things for certain. One: Shane is the best. THE best. Ilya talks a big game and he can back it up because he’s a generational talent in his own right, sure, but he is not Shane Hollander. He teases his husband and calls him “second best player in the league” because it gets Shane in a mood that always leads to fun (and that’s business that stays between Ilya, several ruined sets of sheets, and the thin walls of multiple hotel rooms). When you get down to it, he’s the famous and amazing Ilya Rozanov, yes, but that’s…that’s Shane Hollander. Shane “break the internet, top two and I ain’t number two” Hollander. Shane Thee Hollander.

Two: despite being Shane Thee Hollander, first of his name, baddest of bitches, and the Beyoncé of their field (and a cutie patootie on top of all that), Shane is not loud about his accomplishments—and Ilya thinks he should be. Shane lets the accomplishments speak for themselves. He achieves, breaks records, wins and wins and fucking wins some more, and just keeps going. He’s a force of nature. Ilya thinks his husband should have an opportunity to be loud, braggadocious, and downright obnoxious if and when he wants because, again, he’s Shane fucking Hollander.

So when Shane starts off a conversation with “I’m going to say something kind of mean,” Ilya rolls out the proverbial red carpet. Talk your shit, baby. I’m all ears.

“He’s really confident for someone with such low shooting accuracy.” Exactly. The nerve of him to even breathe your air, much less chirp at you.

“…but if I showed up in that outfit, Twitter would never let me hear the end of it!” You’re so right. He looked awful.

“Fuck him! And not in the good way!” Yup! Say it again! Matter of fact, let me get you a microphone.

“I love Hayden—as a friend, Ilya, Jesus—but maybe a vasectomy is a good idea.” I’d put ten babies in you if I could, but you’re still absolutely right about this. Jackie’s had enough.

“I respect Scott, but he’s not exactly in his prime, you know?” Scott is a dinosaur. It’s a miracle that he dodged the asteroid and made it this long without turning into dust. We should call and tell him ourselves.

“Our wedding was better.” Of course it was. I got to marry you. Any event with you at the center is the best. All the others are bullshit.

“I’m not taking that shit from some fucker with a receding hairline and no points for an entire season. Pick a struggle, asshole.” We should book him a flight to Turkey for one of those procedures. Can’t fix the other thing, though.

or the concept of a pride flag is considered to be inappropriate for 13 year olds.

happy pride 2026. here's a pride flag for when corporate interests of a site run by dogshit transphobes, handwringing pearlclutchers, and "powerless" "allies" tell you that pride and your gender is no one else's fucking business: