Hope for the Hopeless

Carl the Animator: “Oh, great, what now?”

Ted the Animator: “It’s about your skeleton.”

Carl the Animator: “My skeleton’s amazing! What’s the problem?!”

Ted the Animator: “…it’s too good.”

Carl the Animator: “…what.”

Ted the Animator: “Hanna-Barbera just sent the rest of the script. They forgot to mention it was just a guy in a costume all along.”

Carl the Animator: “Aaaaand my super-epic skeleton is wrong for that why, exactly?”

Ted the Animator: “Well… the whole ‘not having room for a body underneath’ is prolly part of it.”

Carl the Animator: “Oh. That’s stupid.”

Ted the Animator: “There’s no time to change this earlier stuff, but things like real, exposed leg bones…”

Ted the Animator: “…don’t exactly work…”

Ted the Animator: “…for a ‘fake sheriff guy in a suit’ reveal.”

Carl the Animator: “Humph. Well, I’ll endeavor to make him look sufficiently less-cool in the future.”

*2 weeks later*

Ted the Animator: “…so, about the current skeleton design.”

Carl the Animator: “Oh no.”

Ted the Animator: “It’s just that… well, HB just informed us that the fake sheriff is gonna be a very corpulent fellow.”

Carl the Animator: “C’mon, I’ve been adding more room in the ‘suit,’ and gave a black outline!”

Ted the Animator: “Yeah, but he’s… he’s a very large guy.”

Carl the Animator: “Ugh.”

Ted the Animator: “And very ridiculous-looking.”

Carl the Animator: “I feel like my skeletal artistic vision is being stripped away.”

Ted the Animator: “Can you just try to make him a little pudgier and less-serious from now on?”

Carl the Animator: “Fiiiiiiine.”

*1 week later*

Ted the Animator: “Ok, um… as unsure as I am about that guy behind him…”

Ted the Animator: “…that’s a nice improvement. That’s a sufficiently chubby, less-real-looking skeleton.”

Carl the Animator: “Thanks, I guess.”

Ted the Animator: “…buuuut HB would like it if he could be a little–”

Carl the Animator: “Seriously?! MORE pudgy and ridiculous?!”

Ted the Animator: “Yes, unfortunately, they–”

Carl the Animator: “FINE. Here.”

*30 seconds later*

Carl the Animator: “There. Is that lame enough to work?”

Ted the Animator: “…erm… yes, actually, they love that design, and… want us to stick with it.”

Carl the Animator: *sigh*

Ted the Animator: “Y’know, somehow, I feel a little something has been lost along the way since the first depiction of the character.”

Carl the Animator: “You mean like ‘any semblance of dignity?’ Like that?”

Ted the Animator: “Well… yeah.”

Carl the Animator: “My poor, poor skeleton.”

August 2015

October 2016

April 2017

July 2017

September 2018

December 2018

June 2019

February 2020

August 2020

If we do open it we could find

The tomb of Alexander the Great (Coolest possible answer. Probably the coolest thing we’ve found in my lifetime unless aliens decide to show up.)

Rando important Egyptian Pharaoh ( Also cool answer. Definitely an awesome find.)

An ancient and unspeakable evil (We haven’t had a good ol’ doomsday level curse in a good long while. Definitely overdue for this one)

Egyptian Archaeologists are planning on opening it, and are saying it’s very unlikely to be Alexander the Great. However, them finding such an old sarcophagus does suggest that we still might find it within our lifetime! 

I should not have put Pharaoh, as it is equally unlikely to be a king. However it’s almost certainly a high ranking member of nobility or some other highly important and rich figure from the Ptolemaic period

the combination of the popularity of this post, my username containing “lesbian”, and possible the fact that the phrase “giant black” was used means im getting a shit ton of pornbots on this post. 

their arms are similar to our tongues in that their muscle fibers are  oriented in three different directions 

octopuses are disconcertingly strong (anecdotal evidence says that a 15 inch wide octopus was as strong as the scientist handling it)

on that note that same scientist said that when her octopuses escaped she would have to run behind them, “like cats” (paraphrased from sy montgomery’s the soul of an octopus)

aquariums have “octopus enriching programs” so they don’t get bored and fuck shit up in their tanks

they are crazy smart like. really. really fucking smart 

but we can’t compare their intelligence to ours because our evolution branched from the same common ancestor so long ago we cannot comprehend how they think

it’s believed that their intelligence evolved when they lost their shell, and had to adapt to predict how countless of different prey and predators would act, how to avoid them, distract them, lure them or trick them 

they visualize how other creatures are going to act, which means they have have awareness that others are individuals which is a type of consciousness but i can’t remember what it’s called right now 

like, they use tools 

they have distinct personalities 

aquarium octopuses are socialized from a very young age and even though in the wild they are solitary creatures they become extremely friendly with enough human exposure

sometimes they dislike people for no apparent reason and will shoot water at them

they have three hearts 

each of their arms has a tiny brain that controls movement and sensory input on its own i shit you not

they are color blind and yet they can camouflage their color and nobody knows how 

they can change the color and texture of their skin faster than human eyes can keep up with it

great pacific octopuses are white when they are peaceful, and red when they’re excited 

aquarium octopus have escaped their tanks and slithered down pipes into the ocean 

escaped their tanks to eat the fish in other tanks 

escaped their tanks to go fight other octopuses cuz they were bored

octopus fight club

learned how to take photographs

cost thousands of dollars by flooding new floors

they can feel, taste, and smell with their suckers and all of their skin

they enjoy tasting their food by slowly moving it through their suckers instead of shoving it in their beaks

they can rewrite their rna. no, really

the only reason why they haven’t evolved to take over as the next dominant race is because they’re doing pretty well  in the ocean so there’s no need for them to adapt further 

there’s a ton more but i’m so overwhelmed by love i can’ think of any at the moment i’m going to cry

learned to shoot out the annoying light over the tank

hid in floor drains when caught out of their tanks by researchers

hid the shells of crabs stolen from a tank under a third, unrelated tank

- learned to spray 45°F water everywhere to demand splashes

-likes taking brushes from divers. Knows the best way to do this was to sneak up from underneath or reach over the shoulder

-will wait until keepers are looking away/distracted to grab stuff and knows exactly how far to sink down to get out of reach

-seriously octos are huge thieves. If you have something in your hand, they want it. As soon as they grab it, it belongs to them. There’s no food and they have no use for it? Doesn’t matter it’s their thing now.

-we lost a magnet scrubber for three days because one stole it from the interns. Every time she let it go and we reached a net to get it, she would snatch it out of the net and drag it back into the den. By the time we got it back she had torn apart the scrub pad

Cats, corvids, and octopi