Veni, vidi, vici

“Black and Third World people are expected to educate white people as to our humanity. Women are expected to educate men. Lesbians and gay men are expected to educate the heterosexual world. The oppressors maintain their position and evade their responsibility for their own actions. There is a constant drain of energy which might be better used in redefining ourselves and devising realistic scenarios for altering the present and constructing the future.” ― Audre Lorde

A couple of weekends ago I raised a concern, in a predominantly white feminist group, about the tragic story of the 14-year-old mixed race Latina girl who took her life after being raped repeatedly by her high school teacher. I was angry, but not surprised, at the way the white feminist blogosphere seized this story and made it all about white girls. (I’m not saying white girls/women aren’t victimized, but I am saying that their stories are already given more of a spotlight). The white author of an xojane.com article used a brooding picture of herself as a teen as the story’s feature photo; another article for slate.com (or salon.com, can’t remember) used an image from a movie featuring young white starlets; this is erasure of racial identity, and it’s not only dangerous, it’s fatal.

Thank god one of my favorite bloggers, Flavia Dzodan, offered crucial insight on this story, namely, insight derived from two aspects of the case the white blogosphere ignored: 1) Cherice was Latina, and 2) her rapist was her high school teacher.

I invite everyone to read this important and necessary commentary regarding the hypersexualization of Latinas and how Cherice’s race undoubtedly impacted the judge’s decision she was “chronologically older” and in “as much control of the relationship” as her high school teacher. 

I was angry at this erasure of identity. I was outraged that so-called feminists could literally replace Cherice’s image with images of white teenagers. I was outraged, hurt, and disappointed that the feminist group I had come to call home was not only supporting the erasure of a young girl of color’s identity, but attacking me for being angry about it. This is the type of shit that makes me hate white feminism. Black women and other women of color have been historically and continue to be excluded and marginalized by white feminist movements, from The Combahee River Collective statement to SlutWalk, white feminism has, more often than not, ignored and erased the voices, concerns, feelings, anger, and experiences of women of color. This lack of inclusion is the reason Cherice suffered, and I will not and should not apologize for my anger about this to anyone. Anger is a natural reaction to oppression; anger is useful; anger is the only appropriate reaction to this sort of erasure of racial identity. 

The members of the feminist group in which I expressed this anger were, for the most part, combative or unreceptive (I did receive small pockets of support, and for those individuals I am most appreciative). Multiple leaders of the group tried to tone police me, told me that movements becoming inclusive “takes time” and I should just be patient. I was begged by one of the most prominent leaders to educate everyone by writing a “powerful article” rather than express my feelings to the group itself. I was told by this same leader that they would not use the term “white supremacy” because “it was triggering” to some folks.

But failure to call evil by its name only begets more evil. 

Another prominent member of the group, and a semi-well known name in the huffpo blogosphere, charles clymer, decided to pipe in to remind me that both white supremacist and anti-racist viewpoints should be valued equally. That’s white supremacy in action, right there. 

And what followed was a whole lot more bullshit. charles clymer turns aggressive and psychologically abusive when you disagree with him. But, multiple folks online have already been saying that for a few months now. 

What follows I post for posterity, for receipts, for the record, for anyone who might still be under the illusion that charles clymer actually cares about women and intersectional feminism. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. 

So, I messaged charles because he initially seemed supportive of me writing an article about race and Cherice’s story. (Yet again, people of color are called upon to educate white folks). I told charles I was disappointed in his leadership because of the way he valued both my anti-racist view and another member’s racist view, equally.

Unbeknownst to me, by criticizing charles clymer, I was awakening a psychologically abusive internet monster. And when it dissolved into an abusive mess of white tears and white-man-trying-to-force-a-black-woman-to-do-something-she-won’t-do (“yes, massa!”), that’s when I knew I had to block this fucker.

And that’s when he took to a 700+ member facebook group for rape survivors, where he blasted me and made personal digs/assumptions about me in a 2000+ word diatribe about how mean I am and how I hurt his feelings (I’ll spare you all that one).

Here’s our private facebook messages, some of which he made public in this 2,000 word rant against me: 

Saturday - 9/7/2013

[ME] 9:43pm: Hi Charles - thanks for the encouragement to write my own article. I was going to, and started to do some research, and then found that one of my favorite bloggers has already said everything I would say and I don’t want to steal her ideas or speak over her, so I wish there was a way we could amplify these perspectives instead of ones that erase race. Maybe you or someone else could post this link, because I’m not participating in the group anymore. http://www.redlightpolitics.info/post/59574103493/baugh-said-he-listened-to-recorded-statements

I wish the group could be a safe space for PoC but it’s just not, never has been, and the leaders aren’t helping, you’re just glossing over important issues, like that the issue bw Caitlin and I isn’t merely disagreement; she’s being racist and attacking me. Those two “sides” should not be valued equally by moderators of the group. I am beyond disappointed in the leadership. But oh well. This always happens with movements. White, white-passing, and non-black folks don’t know how to be self-critical and deal with the white supremacy infecting their own movements, so they pretend it isn’t there. I’m not here for that. Good luck.

10:12pm Charles Clymer: I’m actually not a leader. And I backed you up pretty strongly. [My name], I will never experience what you’ve gone through, but please don’t take shots at me like that. I think that’s a reasonable request. 

10:12pm [ME]: I didn’t feel like it was taking shots. I see you as a leader because you’re very vocal in the group, so I still sort of think of you as one. 

10:13pm Charles Clymer: Well, I’m not. I just try to be supportive and hold people together. My feelings are bit hurt, friend. That wasn’t fair.

10:14pm [ME]: My feelings are beyond hurt by all this. Such is life.

10:14pm Charles Clymer: Best of luck. I wish you all you want in life.

10:17pm [ME]: And I wish for you the wisdom to prioritize understanding the anger of those more oppressed than you, over seeking apologies for your hurt feelings.

10:17pm Charles Clymer: [My name], I appreciate your advice and honesty. Have a good night.

11:59pm Charles Clymer:

[My name],

I’ve had a little bit to think about this. I agree with your overall points of white privilege in the group, but your way of going about this, tonight, has not been appropriate. I was the only one who stuck up for you initially and encouraged you to write something. *I* did that. And I guaranteed to throw my support behind your essay. And I did so publicly. And even after the dust settled, I still was encouraging you to write it because I felt your voice needed to be heard. For you to treat me like I’ve been enabling racism by simply calling for everyone to take down the volume a few notches was completely hurtful. My post was meant to demonstrate the danger of internal disputes, not validating the idea that there were two right sides. That’s seriously ridiculous. And I am NOT a leader in this group. I support the group when I can, and I barely post or reply unless I feel I can help or offer encouragement. And by the way, who was the first person to publicly congratulate you and [another black woman] on forming the POC group? Yeah, that was me. I do have white privilege, but not once did I ever invalidate your concerns throughout this whole thing. I don’t know if you’re making your promise on leaving the group, but I can’t continue to be part of it unless you apologize. And yes, please share this with everyone and anyone you so wish. Make it public. Blog about it. I stand beside everything I’m saying. Please do not send me any further messages unless it’s an apology. I am hurt at being betrayed, and I no longer wish to discuss this with you.

12:03am [ME]: What’s the point of this message, Charles? To tone police me? I thanked you for your support multiple times, be it via private message, commenting, or liking your comments. Please, have a seat and think about what you’re demanding and how inappropriate your own response is right now.

12:04am Charles Clymer: No, not one bit. You need to check how YOU are coming across, right now. I’m not backing down. If that means I leave the group, fine.

12:05am [ME]: Do you know what tone policing is?

12:06am Charles Clymer: Yes, [My name]. I know tone policing and gaslighting and privilege. I am aware of all the terms. Thank you.

I do not need a lesson on discussing white privilege at this moment. I need you to stop treating me like a punching bag because I’m the nice person you thought would swallow your invective whole.

I’m not nor will I be. Now, please stop messaging me unless it’s an apology.

12:08am [ME]: I’m just wondering if you realize how out of line you are, as a white man, to demand an apology for a black woman for her anger.

I’m not going to deal with your bullshit anymore. Have a nice life, Charles.

I want everyone to know about him. He doesn’t deserve the feminist posts he holds. He doesn’t deserve to be running a Facebook page about “equality for women,” he doesn’t deserve followers, he doesn’t deserve his blogger position at the huffington post, what he needs is some cold hard self-reflection.