War is Over! (If you want it)

The day that I’d met you I started dreaming

Articles of clothes laid all over on the mattress that took up space on the right side of the room — the mattress opposite stood empty, an immense number of the same-sized uniform mixed in with white collar button-ups along with a couple of the same pairs of pants. Neil Standing right beside the mattress, doing the same routine he had done each time school began to go into session — taking out his clothes for the rest of the semester then putting them away in the tiny assigned dresser that was the exact same in each boys room. Though, this time there had been less time passed between the time he took his clothes out and put them back into his dresser again because he — his father — make sure for him to take chemistry the summer.

A smaller boy strolled quietly into the room, one would justifully assume that the untouched side of the tiny room would belong to him — it did. The boy smaller in size — whether that was actually due to height or fear rushing through his body telling him to become embody a unnoticeable-harmless stance in order to not draw attention to himself — was unknown, maybe a bit of both. He wore the same uniform everyone else did, the only difference was his lack of pins tied to the breast pocket of his outfit, as he carefully walked in with his packed-luggage, hoping not to drop any of it due to the amount of it, he gives a passing nod to the boy across the room — the boy he'd be sharing a single room with for the rest of the school year. Quickly looking down at the floor then doing a double take at the boy again, coming to a realization at what his new roommate features were — absolutely were they sculpted so gorgeously, each feature completely harmonized with each other — nothing was out of place, he was the typical boy to be envious of, though, he hadn't acted the part.

He stared for a couple of seconds while the boy he was staring down absolutely noticed and now was attempting to get his attention.

"Hm..hello? Oh hey, I'm Neil!" His roommate spoke with an attempt to communicate with the other side. "You're Todd, right? I'm assuming you're taking the other bed..?" The boy cautiously continued, now understanding that Todd is in fact listening.

Todd's face flushed with embarrassment knowing that his roommate knew that he was staring — right in front of his face.

"uhm..yes, yes i am," Each word that he mutter left his mouth fainter and softer than the last, as he finally freed himself of his belongings by placing them down on his bed before rushing to open it up and do the same his roommate is doing in order to give his mind some time to let the embarrassment pass through and out of his body.

The time did pass, it passed by Todd hearing the sweet gentle noises of Neil laughing and giggling at what the other boys were mocking about while they were unpacking their items. Neil's voice was a treat that was for the time being, being thrown Todd's way in order for him to feel satisfied enough with just being "Neil's roommate." Little treats such as those did not last long before someone got hurt.

Sunrises and sunsets passed everyday, some days went by quick, others slow, but by the end of each day, Todd was dreaming of the boy sleeping less than five feet away from him — every night. At least after every hard day of being anxiously quiet in uncomfortable wooden chairs there was a dim light bringing him relaxation — some time with Neil, more time with Neil than anyone would've wanted to spend with another person. Dreams would be arranged in different ways, some of which he dare wouldn't think about right as he was in front of Neil himself, while others were positive encouragements about the brighter days that were ahead for both of them, for insistence, him and Neil driving away in a Welton Academy-owned car to someplace else, any place else — the dreams never got far, most times, he just stared with admiration and sported a soft smile towards Neil, just making note of the features that laid upon his face, one of a kind they were.

Now I write 'em down if I remember in the morning time.

Too scared and closed he knew his mouth to be able to open it up to anyone about these delusions he was imaging. He instead turned to his notebook, one that hasn't been spotted by Neil before, hidden securely under his clothes in the second drawer, he opens it up each time the sun rises. Taking note before Neil awakens. A Majority of the book is filled with Neil's name and what they did together. Todd is an observer, of course he knows every detail of the dream, writing down every sense he understood to be his on the paper — not wanting part to be forgotten. Quickly does he scribble his words as to try to finish before Neil could even see a glimpse of the book he held tight in his hands.

Returning it back to its proper spot as he slips off the bed, a part of his blanket falling off with him as if it wanted to be taken with him before he placed it back on top of the bed. He steps one foot at a time ahead of the opposite one to his destination — the closet that housed his uniform, stepping into it and placing his class-needed books into his school bag. He waits there for a moment, his eyes wondering to the window, gazing upon the barely lit campus, a sign that he's a bit too early.

I don't know that much about Neil.

Neil invited Todd to any place he could think of. He didn't understand why Todd became anxious when speaking but only that he didn't want to speak. Neil always spoke but he didn't speak, he spoke about classes and aspects related to them, but if you were to ask Todd what kind of boy he knew Neil to be, there would be no breath taken — he didn't know Neil, Neil spoke about what others wanted him to speak about, yet never of himself. The dreams Todd had were a version of Neil he suspected him to be, what he wanted and hoped of Neil. Neil would only speak when they were alone together, which was rare but was becoming more common, Todd pieced together over time that Neil would come seek him out, no matter where somehow Neil started to show.

Talks as they strolled back to their room became theirs. Healing their still-opened cuts came because of sharing experiences with each other, Todd worriedly told the boy about what his parents were like, the other boy joked about potentially asking Mr. Keating to adopt him just for a way out of misery. Todd would let Neil go on about acting, the lines of a play, what each of it meant to him, what plays he'd forever be dreaming of playing leading man in. Giving Todd more time to study the taller boys features and movements, memorizing them forever. A couple of soft simple touches that could mean nothing were shared, Todd always gave up his jacket to Neil, the boy just could never figure out the temperature for the day, he always got too cold for his own good. He never paid any mind to it since this at least entertained some aspect of his imagination of hoping to one day be Neil's Boyfriend.

Before they'd know they'd be inside their shared room, both boys changing into sleepwear in front of each other before heading off to bed, Todd, knowing, would still be in touch with the other boy — every time.

But I like the sound it makes when it starts pouring rain.

Thunderstorms weren't Todd's prefered choice of weather — too unpredictable and loud for him, yet the rain produced from them made him content. Still, no matter if he enjoyed the rainy aspect of the storm, his body continued to shake anxiously not entirely relaxing to the idea of the loud bangs. The sleeves of his thick-knitted sweater pooled over his hands, trying to write down words into a page but couldn't focus on it even if he tried. Neil's body laid curled up together in hopes to keep himself warm to protect himself from the cold rainy weather that slowly somehow found its way inside.

Neil gazed over to the shaking boy, moving over so that his back is closer to the wall and used his hand to pat the bed where he'd just once laid, motioning the boy to take up the spot right next to him. Todd curiously pointed at himself, as if there were another shaking boy in need of comfort in the same room as them.

"Of course, you, who else — the wall?"Neil playfully told as Todd was already finding his way up and out of his bed onto the others. "Do you want me to-" Before Todd could finish, Neil booasted the back of his head against the wall softly before wrapping his right arm around Todd — this motion pulling him closer to Neil's body, carefully laying his head against his chest, hoping to not do anything wrong.

Different things all happening at once — Neil's arms wrapping around his chilly-aching body while he could begin to listen to the boys soothing beating heart. It's as if he's right there — as if there isn't blood, bones, and skin blocking the connection between his painfully-freezing ear and the organ that keeps Neil alive. It wasn't something Todd wanted gone, this feeling. The feel of the boys chest pressed up against him. Neil closed his eyes, underestimating the heat Todd brought as he basked in it while it lasted.

As the storm passed, their positions switched all over. It hadn't matter to them as long as they held each other close. They laid on their sides, facing each other before Neil gently placed a kiss on the neck that was Todd's. His skin didn't rid of the mark that was made, he instead did the same — kissed Neil's neck.

I think that tonight I'll leave my light on.

They fell tired in each others arms, neither paying any mind about untangling. Morning glow shines through the window and Todd is awake, his body yearning to be stretched as he complies to it, each limb going in every direction, flourishing over the sheets as he laid on the bed next to his roommate. Strolling over to his side of the room to his dresser, dressing into the same uniform he did yesterday and the day before and the day before that one.

Classes passed one by one, each boring than the last — except for Keatings, as always, his class there was something new from the man. This time they made a poem just by listening to Claire de lune. Neil was the only thing on Todd's mind.

Cause I get lonely when it's out, and I miss you right about now.

The sunset beaming is visible now after the long hours of schooling, Todd wandering back to the dorm to check in for the night, disappointed when he gazed upon Neil's bed — empty with little to no warmth, still done neatly, meaning he hadn't been there since the morning. Switching the nob of his lamplight on, it illuminates his side of the room and little parts of the other boy's side, just barely. He rests down in the wooden chair to study the lessons he needed to know for tomorrow. Opening a thick hardback history book, all he could muster up was the ability to stare at it. In silence. Feet antsy as they shuffle in a side to side motion. He urged himself to write first, write about anything he could, there was too much on the boys mind and body for him to believe in studying.

Heartache by the number, he wrote for every reason he felt inside why he couldn't study. The emptyness inside him pooled up louder for each reason he silently confessed down into the book. Each reason included some aspect of Neil — his soft dark-brown hair, charming boyish smile, the lenses he wore in Mr. Keatings. He ached to notice and caress Neil wherever he went, whenever he could. The emptyness went missing when they were. The aching drew its route back to Todd when they weren't.

Baby, tell me where you wanna go. Baby, tell me what you want to know. Give you everything I have and more.

The curtains swiftly and gently closed, suggesting the play had come to a finish. The boys were excited for Neil, as they should be, he was the lead and he was fantastic. The leading boy bowed, for the first time he was basking in the cool-rushing wave of achievement, achievement that he pursued. Dead poets and all met up with him as they strolled bunched-up together outside the door. The cold weather of December splashed onto their warm faces made them once again remember who and what they were, human and alive. Neil's father was nowhere, no one spoke about him because this was about Neil. Right now, he was fragile — yet on top of the world. He was congratulated by everyone that attended. Making a polite smile and wave towards the attendees, as he rushed the satisfying emotions away once and for all in order to get back down to earth.

Todd intertwined their fingers together soothingly, they gazed at each others eyes in contentment, as he takes him to a far location; the dock, the pier that they stood tall upon when they were practicing lines for Neil's play. Though, either boy care enough for where they ended up, as long as they shared a simple conversation like they did when they were first getting to know one another. Throughout the long distance, they chatted about books they wanted to read and religions they found interesting. Book and religion — two man made aspects of life that hold knowledge and power. Questions forever stuck in those two young boys minds, was there a right religion? How many books could I read in a day? What knowledge do I need? How do I become more like myself? Questions only they could answer and which they wanted to, yearned to, hoped to find the missing piece of the mind that would give them closure. They confided with one another, shared fears about not finding them.

The dark windy air surrounds them at night as they take their first steps onto the amber dock, hands still after all this way were held tight together. They stood tall and quiet gazing over the lake then to each other, the peacefulness of the moment, of right now, didn't need words. Leaves that were tied down to trees shook each other gently as if they were family.