Below: a discussion of gender roles and equality.
A month or so ago, I was chatting with a boy in school. One Iām friends with, and still view as a friend. I was talking about Harry Styles, and showed him a photo of Harry in a dress. The boy immediately groaned and said, āugh! Itās so unfair!ā. I was bewildered and asked what he meant. He shook his head and said āitās stupid. You girls get to wear skirts! Why canāt boys wear dresses and it just be normal?ā. I said, āwell, that would be the patriarchy.ā He shook his head and laughed and said, āno, didnāt you listen to what I just said? Iām asking why men canāt wear skirts!ā And I repeated myself: āthat would be the patriarchy.ā He looked confused, so I had to explain what I meant.
I think itās so sad and so ridiculous that weāve lost the definition of terms like āpatriarchyā and āfeminismā. Not only does the patriarchy dictate women, but it teaches men what is and isnāt āacceptableā. It affects BOTH men AND women (albeit to different degrees and in different ways). Likewise, feminism is not the belief that women are better than men, it is the belief that everyone is equal regardless of gender or sex and should be treated that way. However now, the patriarchy isnāt believed to be at fault for the unrealistic gender roles forced on men, just for those on women, and feminism is suddenly a group of loud, angry ābitchesā who want to kill all cis men and rule the world instead.
The phrase āequal rights, equal fightsā gets thrown around a lot. Iāve talked to boys and MULTIPLE TIMES I have been teasingly told that it would be alright for them to physically fight me, because even though Iām a woman, Iām a feminist, so I want to be treated the same they would treat a man. Iāve heard girls, surrounded and outnumbered by boys in a social setting, laugh along with it. The truth is, that phrase is threatening. The belief that everyone is equal does not mean they should be treated equally, in the same way a person with a disability shouldnāt be treated the exact same as a person without. People should be viewed and respected as equals, and this means giving them FAIR opportunities. A person with a wheelchair will need a ramp to get on a train; I am shorter and less strong than the boys who say that to me. But for some reason, people hear āequal rightsā and assume that means equal treatment.
I believe, partly, media is to blame for this. Nowadays, the term āfeministā is suddenly synonymous with angry and ungrateful and selfish women who hate men. There are so many people Iāve met who say āIām not a feminist, I actually like menā, āI like pinkā or āI like skirtsā. You can want equality and like pink. You can want equality and not want to wear trousers - besides, clothes have no gender and anyone can wear anything they want to. It doesnāt fucking matter what your preferences are: if you want equal rights, youāre a feminist. But, strangely enough, society now says that feminism is a shameful and bitter thing.
Boys can wear skirts. Girls can wear skirts. Nonbinary folk can wear skirts. Everyone else in between can wear skirts. People can wear dresses and trousers and it shouldnāt matter, because itās fucking fabric. Iām sure there are countless trans men who miss their favourite dress, or like how they look in their pink work shirts, but are too afraid to wear them in case theyāre called fakers or feel like an imposter - because cis men wouldnāt wear that, would they? Iām sure trans women suffer similarly. The truth is, it shouldnāt matter, but society has pushed the idea that only some people can wear certain clothes, and anything else is odd, ridiculous or embarrassing.
I donāt know where Iām going with this, but Iām so sad that kids arenāt hearing this as much. It may seem like Iām overthinking a simple interaction with a boy while waiting for the bus, but itās so much more than that. Iām not even eighteen, but Iāve already been exposed to so much sexism and so many unrealistic standards and expectations. Itās such a shame that people nowadays arenāt aware of the true nature and meaning of words like āfeminismā, or what the patriarchy actually does. That boy didnāt even know it was to blame for the gender roles enforced on him since birth.
I hope boys get to wear dresses soon too. Thereās nothing like spinning around and watching the skirt twirl out around you.
