Neil and Todd's daughter

Welcome to my blog<3

Em

pronouns are she/her

I love love love music (I listen to everything except techno)

I love mondler and friends

I LOVE dead poets society

anderperry and knarlie 4eva<3

DNI: Tr*mp supporters; misogynists; racists; homophobes; transphobes etc.

I love writing and I’m currently writing an anderperry fic read here

My dps playlists

Anderperry Todd Neil Knarlie Knox Charlie

Disclaimer: The songs are my interpretation of the characters. If you don't think they fit, that's totally fine :) Many songs probably only make sense in my head, or rather, in my fics. But just so you know, love songs in Charlie's playlist are mostly his feelings for Knox or his own problems, and in Knox's playlist, all the love songs are his feelings for Charlie, except for a few heartbreak songs (for Chris).

I'm so glad Gale Hansen is on Twitter. I'm so glad Anderperry is actually canon. I'm so glad he interacts with us like this.

This is a poem (I guess?) I wrote about depression/suicidal thoughts.

My mother thinks she knows me until she doesn't.

My father thinks he knows me until he doesn't.

They act surprised. Are you sure? As if you weren't the first to despise me.

Hours, days, weeks, months I spent alone, far from you.

Are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. The lie tasted like honey the more you heard it.

Deep in your heart, you knew something was wrong, that something was amiss.

Me? I was trapped in the darkness; the claws of darkness gripped me and wouldn't let go.

I'm fine.

I'm fine, don't worry.

What are you doing everyday, all alone?

Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm drowning slowly, and no one can see me. Don't worry, I'm fine.

It went on forever. I was alone, trying to survive, trying to break the surface.

But I couldn't. The water was too cold, I too weak, the surface impenetrable. Why? Why should I try when failure was certain?

Would anyone care, would anyone worry if I drowned, died? Would anyone miss me? Would anyone shed a tear when they heard the news?

I never found out. Too young to feel anything like that, just sweet 15, too young for that, they said.

I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to show you, tried to give you a sign. No one saw it, no one heard it. Or maybe they did, but why her, her, who's only 15, she can't have problems.

I tried to bear it, to overcome it, to defeat the darkness, but how?

It became a game of cat and mouse.

Did you disappoint someone? Despicable, but soon you won't be here anyway.

Did you make a mistake? Disgusting, but soon you won't be here anyway.

The thought of that freedom was an anchor I clung to desperately. It was supposed to keep me from drowning, even though I was already at the bottom of the ocean.

I was so close, so close I could taste it, smell it. The smell of irreversible darkness.

I collapsed, I pushed everyone away.

Are you okay? Are you okay?

I don't know. I don’t know?

No, I'm not okay.

For the first time, a whisper of truth escaped my lips.

Someone was listening, someone understood.

Now I'm sitting here swallowing pills. Too young for this.

Sweet 15, but I'm still here.