I Do Whatever, Whenever

when you’re a demon, an unforgivable creature, you don’t deserve to hear that you’re loved. demons don’t go around telling each other nice things, what they do if they want to show it, is acts of services.

a demon wouldn’t tell you you’re good, but they would cover up your duties for you and say that it’s so you owe them a favour which they will never claim, they wouldn’t say they love you but they would linger on your doorstep for a bit too long and steal your scarf as an excuse to meet you again.

and that’s what crowley does, he keeps aziraphale company and he makes him try food, he says that it’s to tempt him when it’s just an excuse to see the angel happy, he saves you from death situations and says that it’s because your substitute would be more of a bother than you are.

crowley never tells aziraphale anything, and that’s his way of showing him he loves him.

but when you’re an angel, doing nice things for each other is the norm, it’s the way to show the universe that you’re Good.

angels don’t go around giving each other’s things or doing your work for you, because that should be what you would do to anyone. if an angel gives you money, it’s not because they love you, it’s because they’re a good selfless person.

aziraphale does that countless times, he gives people his stuff, he never asks for money, he uses more miracles than necessary even if it means that he’ll get a reprimand just so he can help strangers on the street. acts of services for an angel are just intertwined in their essence.

so the only way to actually show it is to talk. if an angel loves someone, they have to tell them, if they love someone they tell them that they’re good and that they’re worth it. aziraphale positively lights up any time someone compliments him, because that’s what he needs to know that he’s loved.

so aziraphale tells crowley he’s good even if he knows that will make crowley skittish, aziraphale tells crowley that he always comes to save him to praise him for his caring, he tells crowley that he needs him and that’s the most loving words he could say, because what does an ethereal creature capable of anything need from anyone? their love, probably.

but they don’t understand each other.

crowley uses acts of service and aziraphale takes it as his way to show his forbidden goodness to the world, aziraphale uses words of affirmation and crowley thinks that’s his way of feeling better about himself for consorting with a demon.

why is 1941 and crowley saving his books so important for their relationship? because i think that’s when aziraphale realised the truth, crowley had already done his “good” act, he had already proved as he did countless times that he is not the usual demon and he’s actually nice, but saving something just because he knows aziraphale cares about that, and giving no excuse for his action, that’s something else.

it was the first act done, in aziraphale’s eyes, for no reason other than love.

aziraphale then tells him that he could do something for him in return, people interpret it as sexual (which i find very funny, mind you) but i think it’s just aziraphale’s way of telling crowley that he can also show him his love through acts, if that’s what crowley wants, he can save him back if that will mean crowley will realise that he loves him too.

and that’s why i also think that crowley is not very sure about the love being reciprocated, because he never had the realisation that aziraphale is always around him and telling him nice things because that’s how he can show his love.

and it is even worsened in the end, because if crowley knew, he would have waited for him.

it can be seen as a selfish act on crowley’s part, wanting your lover to put you over saving the universe, but i think it’s because crowley doesn’t know what aziraphale is doing. he can’t know that aziraphale is actually disregarding all of his feelings for the greater good, because crowley doesn’t know about these feelings.

what he thinks is that what he always thought was true, his angel doesn’t love him back and he chose heaven over him.

if they actually talked, it would’ve been resolved.

They had spent years apart in an unreconciled fight, came back together like 24 hours ago (for immortal beings that's a wink), and didn't really have the most time to talk things out.

Feelings are still raw! Hearts are still sore. Crowley sure as hell wasn't gonna try and plant a big one again. It came from aziraphale and it came as an offering. "I can reach out now. I can take the first step". It was respectful and it felt like them.

Crowley and Aziraphale becoming human: I don’t love, but you could argue that that was what he planned, and I would buy it. It does follow some of his themes.

But there is a knife’s edge that Pratchett balanced between fury and compassion. He absolutely loved humanity, but he also hated what humans did to each other out of malice, spite, or even laziness. Good Omens the novel was filled to bursting with that.

The end here lacked all of that somehow. God in S1 is unknowable, but God is S3 is just a capricious bitch who seems to have it out for Crowley specifically and through him Aziraphale. The viewer certainly gets angry at God, but the narrative seems to be that, while cold, she is doing the right thing and giving them their happy ending. And while Crowley expresses compassion for humanity, it falls on such deaf ears that the narrative doesn’t actually support that.

The closing sentiment seems to be that we can make their lives better by just erasing all their trauma and baggage. No. Sam Vimes did not pull himself out of the gutter and bodily hold himself out of it every day to be told that actually amnesia would be best. If you wanted to make them human: make them keep their memories. That would have been fine.

Terry would have Crowley and Aziraphale say “fuck you” to God and protect the earth as it was. The way they protected Job’s children. The way they did at Tadfield Airbase. Here they just throw in the towel and start a new universe. They accept their failure so quickly as to be farcical.

The thing is, I know where the tendency comes from - it’s easy to focus on Crowley’s way of showing affection (aka acts of service) more since it’s more visible at first sight, more obvious to an outsider. But some people tend to follow this fact with the conclusion that it’s therefore stronger than Aziraphale’s way of showing affection for some reason. And. I can’t help but think that it’s pretty unfair to Aziraphale’s struggles. Because he not only has different ways of showing affection than Crowley to begin with, but also is much more repressed and conflicted about their relationship than Crowley is. (And Crowley knows it! That’s the point, Crowley remembers Heaven, he was there once. He’s patient because he understands.)

Aziraphale’s way of showing affection is less visible for people on the outside and much more intimate. It’s easy to underestimate how hard it is to leave your comfort zone for someone, which is what he does all the time, because it’s less showy. But it’s not right. And if someone wants to feel sorry for Crowley for having to be patient then it only seems to be fair to also feel sorry for Aziraphale for being so torn between Crowley and Heaven. But that’s the best part - for both of them commitment to the relationship comes with a price, but they still choose to do it anyway. Over the years they really learned each other, even if Aziraphale won’t admit to it and instead will say “I am an angel, you are a demon”. He’s not stupid. They both understand each other’s language and know what certain things mean.

Someone on here (I’ll be damned if I remember where I read it, sorry) described their dynamic as Aziraphale inviting Crowley to invite him and it’s so accurate. That’s exactly what he does, not because he’s too lazy/reluctant/whatever to commit, but because he’s too conflicted with himself to make a direct move. But instead he lets Crowley know that if Crowley asks, he will say yes and it’s So Important. Because Aziraphale seems passive when in reality he makes a huge effort to dance around all his dilemmas. And the fact that Crowley doesn’t have those dilemmas doesn’t make them any more valid.

Their relationship is difficult to quantify because it’s 6000 years old. They don’t need to guess anymore, they know each other, and the thing is, Crowley isn’t stupid. Tempting people is literally his job. But to be able to tempt people you have to be able to read people. 

Crowley knows full well that Aziraphale wants to spend time with him. He knew that when Aziraphale chose to take part in the Arrangement. He knew that when Aziraphale gave him the Holy Water. When Azirphale didn’t abandon him after he delivered the Antichrist. When they drink and dine and meet up together. That’s Aziraphale’s language of love: time. He has a literal limitless supply.

Crowley even takes his glasses, his barrier to the world, off around Aziraphale. That does not indicate someone who’s insecure about their angel friend being scared off by reminders of their demonic essence. Crowley is absolutely not insecure in his relationship (however you define it) with Aziraphale. 

What we see on screen with the ‘we can run away together’ and trying to go to Alpha Centauri is not insecurity that Aziraphale doesn’t love him, it’s sheer panic that they have to act now and if they don’t they are going to die along with the whole of Earth because he fucked up. 

That’s not an ‘I’m scared he doesn’t love me’ reaction, that’s a ‘we are going to die and need to get away now’ reaction. Crowley is terrified, [and to be honest, if I’d just double-crossed and lied to Satan’s face for eleven years, I’d be pretty scared too], and all he’s thinking is ‘we need to  go.’

But the thing is, whatever pain he felt, he worked through it a long time ago. Every plan to force the issue, he abandoned because he knew it wasn’t right. Every argument, even the big one in the 1860s, they eventually made their peace and moved forward.

Crowley’s peace with it all, his patience, is so absolutely clear in his reaction to the “get three behind me foul fiend!” comment.

He isn’t hurt, or angry or surprised. There’s no sting to it. There’s a weariness there (oh this shit again *yawn*) but also an amusement (oh this shit again.. ha! You are cute when you lie, angel- you really think you believe this shit don’t you? You silly thing…). He’s just rolling with the punches and seems content to keep doing so until Aziraphale works it through.

And that’s the difference between a normal, human slow burn and the Ineffable 6,000 Year Slow Burn.

The regrets, the ticking clock on human relationships, comes from the possibility of missed opportunities. How many of those can you truly say there are when both parties are immortal?

There will always be another sunset to watch together, another restaurant to dine at. There will be more ducks to feed.

It does make you wonder what the real regrets would be. Things like, “I wish we could have shared the view from the walls of Troy.”

from one, two

I shall jump straight to the point: people online did NOT seem pleased with Aziraphale and Crowley's last kiss. However, unlike them, i believe this was a deeply meaningful, touching and romantic moment for us to see and i thought I'd give my two cents about it too.

For starters: this was an APOLOGY kiss. That's right people, not a simple "I love you" or "I like you back" kiss but a PROPER apology kiss. Aziraphale reaches for it first, it's the first thing that comes to his mind when he realizes this might actually just be the last time they ever get to see each other. He wants to start over, do it better, and in order to do that he needs Crowley's forgiveness for everything that has happened in the past few years for things to finally be RIGHT.

He also touches his lips the same way he did when he first got kissed by Crowley at the end of season 2, except this time he does it to "give it back". It simbolizes Crowley's feelings being reciprocated, a tender act of apology for not kissing him back the first time but finally doing it right this time. He no longer thinks of that touch to his lips with sorrow or hatred or confusion, but rather as an answer, as something beautiful, as the love he's always felt but could never find the courage to openly reciprocate until now.

As for a possible additional meaning, here in Europe a kiss given by the fingertips can symbolize many things. One of them is "farewell" (and given the context of this scene i might add this kiss was the perfect choice), it's a sign of respect and profound admiration, it's a tender act to say goodbye in a polite and innocent way: it's pure, just like them.

Additionally, in my country, a kiss by the fingertips is most commonly known as a religious act, a sign of devotion and adoration done to the feet of sacred statues and holy sculptures; it symbolizes complete submission to our deepest love for the holy and to surrender to the greatness of the saint we behold, to give them our complete and undoubted faith.

it's loyal, It's devoted and faithful, It's endlessly filled with love and respect, it's playful and innocent but also clever and bold: it represents Aziraphale PERFECTLY. ❤️

i believe we were very lucky to be able to see the different ways these two characters express their love for one another, we get to see how Crowley expresses his love through a kiss and we get to see how Aziraphale does it in his own way. They both come straight from the heart, both dripping with need and affection and love, but each in their own, unique ways.