Something Clever

you'd think "altoid" was an internet insult for people who like alternative music but it's a mint

no your honor I absolutely can make my case like an adult. first things first, fuck the defendant and fuck his family too. secondly,

“don’t take it personally” how would you like me to take it then? professionally? romantically? academically?

I looove when food is in a bowl. Frequently plates are being brought out and I'm thinking this could've been a bowl meal but nobody gets it

look I'm not gonna pretend I know anything about electronics, but sometimes a plug is so big it blocks another socket, and I'm always like "who the fuck do you think you are"

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

oh me? I lost my penis when I ignored the "Don't touch the machinery" sign. you know how it is

My favorite thing about bugs is there will always be one you've never seen before

a meba 🦠 is almost like a really really small anermal but not quite