math

You did not waste your year.

If you made it this far, that’s already not wasting your year.

You made it through the year, you laughed, you cried, you smiled, you saw the sun and felt the rain, and most importantly, you’re still here.

You did not waste your year.

DUDE.

YOU SURVIVED A MOTHERFUCKING 

PANDEMIC.

you though this was gonna be a christmas post? guess again bitch! happy hanukkah! may your latkes be delicious and you have a blessed holiday season! אני אוהב את כולכם כל כך !!!

But it’s not always that easy. Sometimes you’re not completely recovered, just recovered enough that you can start working / going to school (uni, vocational, trade, etc) again (full time, even!). So you say, “I’m feeling good, and I’m being treated by a great team so I won’t relapse”. You’re vague on purpose because it’s none of their business what exactly is going on. They still ask if it’s mental or physical health issue. You tell them because you don’t know if you’re obligated to answer and you worry that not wanting to answer is an answer of itself. They make a note and you don’t know if this will be a factor when they consider whether or not to take you. You think it probably will. You know you’ll never know if this was The Thing that got you the “no”. You know you’d never be able to prove to anyone that it was.

if they try to weasel answers out of you by asking whether you're able to perform the job duties, you drag it back round to interviewspeak - "absolutely, i am so excited to be here and apply for this opportunity. [literally job duty from the description] is one of my passions/talents/areas of expertise, and i think this would be a great place for me to learn even more."

But to the people like me, who really thought 2020 would be their year?

Love, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you walked into this year with a smile and hope, and that smile immediately fell, and that hope was immediately crushed

I’m sorry that every day there’s something else, I’m sorry that you’re scared, I’m sorry that you’re angry, I’m sorry that you’re tired.

And I know, I know that you’re having a hard time hoping again. Trust me, I know.

But this year, Adam Castillejo became the second person to be cured of HIV

This year, James Patterson art up a fund to help Indie bookstores

This year, scientists finally managed to record the narwhal 

This year, White Storks have hatched the first wild chicks in 600 years

This year, the worlds largest open-air gallery was opened with paintings by individuals with learning disabilities

This year, an eleven year old skateboarder landed the worlds first 1080 degree turn

This year, scientists mapped the entire surface of the moon for the first time ever

This year, Sweden and Austria closed their last coal plants

This year, White Tailed Eagles are spotted flying over England for the first time in 240 years

This year, NASA launched astronauts to a US space station for the first time since 2011

To all the people like me, who thought 2020 was their year: We’re here. We’re alive. The world will grow. The world will heal. Maybe 2020 isn’t our year of stress free fun and memories, but it can be our year to learn and stand up and fight, so that next year? We get everything we hoped for.

There are easy answers, like that it’s just fetishizing.  And like, I find men attractive, yes.  But I also find women attractive.  I don’t have a problem with enjoying het romance, assuming I can find good ones.  I enjoy stories with female characters I can relate to.

But there’s something much deeper at play, IMO.  A friend of mine who is a gender studies professor was the first person to point this out to me, but a lot of women enjoy m/m romance and gay porn because of the lack of women.  It removes a source of pressure and sexism.  Without any women present, you don’t have to constantly evaluate the sexism of their portrayal, or be reminded of negative experiences in your own life.  It allows women to experience romance and especially sexuality without all the baggage that comes with it in our patriarchal society.

This was recently illustrated to me rather dramatically.  I read a recommendation for a het romance.  And it sounded cute, and came highly recommended.  The tropes at play were fun.  Until I read a snippet and realized this was a romance between a woman and her boss.  I had a visceral negative reaction.  

Instantly I’m thinking of sexual harassment stories I’ve read and heard from other women. I’m thinking of how uncomfortable it would be to have your boss develop feelings for you.  How icky the power dynamics would be, etc.  

And then I realized…this wouldn’t bother me if it were two men.  Now, there’s no logical reason for that.  Sexual harassment is just as wrong when its object is a man.  But I know I’ve read fics with a similar premise and never thought about it.  Because when it’s two men I can accept this is just a light romance, a fantasy, meant to be fun and sexy and not to represent the real world.

But I can’t when it’s a het relationship.  There’s too much baggage there.  Too much societal history of abuse.  I can’t relax enough with the premise to enjoy that story.  

Now some people can.  And that’s fine.  And some people are never going to be okay with power imbalances like that regardless of gender.  That’s also fine.  I don’t think having either reaction makes one morally superior.  It’s okay to just enjoy light entertainment for what it is without going into deep analysis.

But I wanted to highlight one set of tags (via @reallifepotato​ )

Because I AM comfortable with my sexuality and fairly comfortable with my body, but still, this resonates so hard as someone who has always been overweight.  The amount that our society teaches women to constantly compare ourselves, almost always negatively with every other woman out there, can utterly ruin our enjoyment of this kind of thing.  Like how many times have you tried to watch a mainstream romantic comedy where some utterly gorgeous actress is bemoaning that she can’t get a date, or WORSE is made out to be less than attractive.  And you look at her and go…but she’s fucking perfect?  And you just want to puke.