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@amethysthollis
Marleau coming out to Ilya as bisexual and tells him his celeb crush is Shane Hollander. Ilya experiences the nine circles of hell all at once in the following months, esp when Marleau goes into detail on how he would "hit that" (Bonus: Maybe Marley meets Shane and gets a "gay vibe" and tells Ilya he thinks he's gonna try and make a move. Ilya nearly pops a blood vessel)
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Is it realistic to the story? NO
But I love the idea that Ilya tells Marly about why he’s leaving. Like he can take the whole city he loves and the team he loves and the sport he loves hating him and not being able to defend himself but Marly is the closest thing he has to an actual brother and god help him he actually trusts the guy. So he tells him and Marly is aghast with the Romeo and Juliet level shit going on in his bros life. He KNEW Roz would never walk away from them for no reason. This is some noble ass shit bro.
So to Ilya’s shock and amusement and slight horror not only does Marly take everything super well and keep going on about how “dope and hardcore romantic and shit” this move is but. After the beginning of his first season where he’s getting scraped over the coals for not being able to turn the team around instantly Marly decides his only option is to fall on the sword alongside his bro and request a mid season transfer to Ottawa. Weibe or management in Ottawa request a meeting with Ilya to be like “why the fuck is this random Boston defenseman fighting tooth and nail to come here? Did you ask him to?”
He refuses to let his captain march alone into hell (a boring suburb of a boring town) for his lover. He will fight at his side until they rise victorious or fall nobly. He says this shit very seriously while drunk to Shane and Ilya is just shrugging behind him.
Obviously the centaurs all adore him. Obviously he refuses to let Ilya sink into too bad of a depression because he’s now deeply invited in all this and takes his role very seriously. He’s like calling Shane when Ilya won’t get out of bed just “Hollzy bro. Roz is suffering. He can’t even play GTA right now. You must come visit as soon as possible or send him hole pics or something.”
Together with the power of their friendship and the assistance of Troy Barrett they open a sick ass club in Ottawa and manage to launch a nightlife scene basically on their own.
And so it never gets quite as dark as it would have without him. And he gives the most incomprehensible speech at the wedding.
they went camping with their friends and now it’s time to sleep and ilya is horny and humping shane’s side “please shane, i need to fuck you” and shane’s like “stop that all our friends is right next to us and they’re probably listening to this” ilya whines and says “what they don’t know married people have sex?” and shane’s like “they know, but they don’t have to hear married people having sex” ilya groans “you already forced me a city boy to go camping and now you can’t even let me make love to you” and shane’s like “i told you that you could stay at home” and ilya replies “and spend a weekend without you?” and shane just rolls his eyes he can’t believe his husband is like this and he actually loves him and ilya keeps going “shane, just bite the pillow or other thing. i know you can’t be silent when im inside you” he’s saying against shane’s ear and shane shivers but try to stay firm “ilya, i do a hand job” and ilya’s like “no, shane, inside you” and shane roll his eyes “a blowjob then” and ilya looks like he’s been shot “shane, please, let me fuck you” he groans while putting his face in shane’s hair “please” he whines “please please please please please” and then they hear from the other tent wyatt yelling “shane please let this man fuck you and shut him up, we will put earbuds” and ilya laughs and shane goes redder than the red in centaurs jersey “ilya, why are you lke this?” he snarks and ilya’s like “you love me, now let me fuck you, yes?”
shane: carrying in the groceries
ilya: reaching out a hand to help
shane: switching all the groceries to one hand so he can hold ilya's hand
shane's big ass smile when ilya squeezes his tit and calls him a pervert is very important to who #myshane is
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i do think there’s a world where ilya tells cliff marleau about the friendship plan and cliff is like “well if ur cover story is friendship than we need to make ur reputation with friends super gay king” and ilya is like “bro … you would do that … for us …” and cliff is like “no worries big dawg”. because like, hollander doesn’t do the gay for the homies thing naturally, but if roz has a reputation, it won’t be weird if he does it in public even if hollsy doesn’t reciprocate. cliff is a genius.
anyway, that’s how the internet spends a year speculating that ilya rozanov and cliff marleau have explored each others bodies. they are so all over each other and constantly tweeting gay shit about each other that ilya’s time with shane barely even gets a second glance. the first time ilya drags shane out to meet cliff, a photo gets posted on twitter and everyone is like “poor shane having to third wheel these two #ally”.
obviously shane is gnawing on furniture because he’s so jealous, but the plan does work. and when they get outed, cliff works it into his best man speech.
Respectfully, Shane does not grab Ilyas titties enough
girl dad hollanov where shane learns the Facts of girls but ilya grew up with svetlana
first period? shanes going 'well, honey, your body is. um. Changing in lots of.... ways. And - oh its okay to cry. Your hormones are shifting and-" and ilya busts through going "your dad is being so boring. Here is pad, do you want ice cream and fried chicken?"
After their beautiful summer at the cottage, Shane's gonna come back to pre season training with his clothes smelling a little like cigarettes and Hayden's gonna ask him about it.
He'll have to lie and say he hooked up with a smoker girl. A girl one. Definitely not a boy smoker. A girl.
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actually it isn't Shane who is a nag and insits on certain rules around their home. it is Ilya with his slavic heritage and superstitions who comes up with one rule after another.
- no outdoor shoes inside. Ilya tried to play it cool for long enough, but he is over 30 now, he has no patience for mess anymore and his mama was right. Ilya gets Shane some expensive personalised adidas slippers & he is the guy who provides guest slippers
- no whistling inside. never. especially if it's hayden. he won't be the reason Ilya will lose another sports bet.
- if one of them leaves the house they don't go back inside home if they forgot something. he is very serious about thst one. once shane went back inside because he forgot to pack his gloves and they lost a game afterwards and Ilya insists this was just because Shane refused to get new gloves from the equipment department (and it was not at all because a little barren spell)
- No empty bottles on the table and that applies to protein shake bottles too, Shane! That's bad luck.
- Only odd numbers of flowers in a bouquet. Ilya panics as he realises Shane bought twenty tulips for Yuna for mother's day and makes Shane pull over so he can pick five wild flowers and add them to the bouquet.
- No sitting in an air current between opened windows because they WILL get sick. Ilya had to pick up Shane and sit him down somewhere else a few times.
-they have to spend a minute or more in silence before they leave
-no one can pass salt directly to Ilya
-you cannot invoke the names of any ghosts, spirits or demons in his home or he will get you
Shane is the type of dad who gets so worried about sun exposure like his kids are LATHERED in sunscreen and they're so tired of it and go to Ilya but Shane just gives him a look and Ilya says "listen to your father, he only wants what's best for you" much to the children's dismay
amúgy csak engem irritálnak a férfiak akik azt mondják női munkatársaikra h kollegina?
nem mintha a kolléga szónak bármilyen nemi vonatkozása lenne, meg amúgy kurva szép magyarosan lehet azt mondani h munkatárs
kurvára + mindig az jut eszembe amikor valaki megpróbált dzsendersemleges verziót kitalálni és az lett hogy kolleg. közben a kolléga már eleve az???? meg minden magyar szó amíg nem próbálja valaki a hülye barom németeknek a [főnév]in formátumát követni amit sztem még a hülye barom németeknek se kéne követnie
Mukbang 3 was crazy
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Caught in the feels right in the morning.
https://x.com/i/status/2077562404079067377
so much is going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s too much!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to sleep in the forest for 190 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m tired leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
