THE A DOES NOT STAND FOR ALLY. YOU CANNOT CAST OUT ASEXUALS BECAUSE “THEY’RE STRAIGHT” AND THEN ALLOW STRAIGHTS IN BY CALLING THEM ALLYS. CAN’T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO. BRUH.
no one arguing it’s supposed to be straight people. The “A is for Ally” argument is based on the idea that it exists so closeted lgbt people could participate in the community without outing themselves. I don’t really care either way and I think lgbt+ covers it, but most people who want A to mean Ally aren’t actually arguing for straight people to be let in.
No matter how often I read posts explaining this, I don’t understand it. Could you pls explain it to me?
Like, to me, there’s two scenarios:
Scenario one: straight people know ally stands for closteted people. This scenario doesn’t make sense because it would automatically out them. So this can’t be it.
Scenario Two: straight people don’t know. In this scenario you’ll have to let straight people in the community because they’re allies. Otherwise you’d have to tell them which would out closteted people.
So either you’re lying when you say that “a stands for ally” doesn’t let in straight people or you want to out closeted people to them
And why can’t closeted/questioning people just be included under the appropriate letter?
When there’s an event that includes “A for Ally”, the assumption is that not everyone at the event is necessarily LGBTQ. That way someone can get away with being parsed as “straight” because it’s not assumed that everyone there is cishet. There will also be allies that are genuinely cishet in attendance.
It’s not that “ally” always means “closeted person”, it’s that “ally” can be a catch-all for basically “everyone else as long as they’re cool with LGBTQ folks”.
So asexuals just get left out? I understand not wanting/being able to be out, but to use the A for “allies” (whether an actual ally or closeted/confused/whatever that person’s situation is) while we asexuals don’t get any recognition is pretty shitty.
I understand making allies feel included, I understand giving the cover to people that may want/need it.
BUT to leave out an entire group of people fucking sucks.
For the longest time while the lgbtqa+ was growing, I spent YEARS trying to figure out why saying I was bisexual (later pansexual) just never seemed to fit. If it weren’t for this website, I STILL wouldn’t know that I’m demisexual.
Normally I don’t get involved in things like this in case I’m misinformed, but I’m really emotional about this and I think it’s really shitty to cut out a whole group of people. I get it, the allies care, they’re supportive, I don’t want to make anyone feel unwelcome, but they’re still not lgbtqa+. (Plus, you can still be called an ally without it having to be in the acronym, that’s why they’re called ALLIES, they’re a SEPERATE group helping the main group.)
So, my point in the end is that, yes, it may help some to use the A for allies (for WHATEVER reason), but it hurts those of us that lose our representation.
(And, just so I don’t forget, not even gonna sugar coat it: I don’t give a fuck if the A was even ORIGINALLY for allies. It should be for asexuals.)
It’s not a mutually exclusive thing (most spaces I’ve been in also incluce a-spec folks), I’m just trying to explain what the deal is with “A for Ally” since an earlier post got it all jumbled.
Ally-hate is rooted in a tragic ignorance of our history and it variously breaks my heart and pisses me off. Once upon a time, being an ally wasn’t a badge straight people bragged about, it could ruin a person’s life. Supporting and protecting your out friend family member could be almost as risky as being out yourself. Allies were part of our community, they risked ostracism, loss of employment, even personal violence, to stand with us, to fight for us, to nurse our dying and bury our dead. Allies included straight parents that not only embraced their out children, but opened their hearts and homes to people whose families had rejected them. Allies included straight lawyers and politicians who worked to secure and protect our rights instead of playing it safe by turning our cases down. Allies included nurses, doctors, hospice carers who compassionately cared for HIV patients, when everyone else was afraid. Allies included people who risked everything to smuggle unapproved HIV medicines to people who needed them. Allies included celebrities and public figures who risked career suicide to advocate for us. Please, kids, learn our history.
I never “cast out” asexuals for “being straight”. If people wanna come do activism, and they’re not total assholes about it, I’m pretty much fine with that.
I got into this community identifying as “an ally” something close to 30 years ago. If you’d asked me then I woulda said I was a straight dude. (It wouldn’t have occurred to me to add the “cis” qualifier.) These days I’m gender-ambiguous, maybe a trans girl, married to a gay guy. Life’s weird.
But I will tell you straight up, I faced more hostility and more threats to my health and safety for being an “ally” in the late 80s and early 90s than I do now for being a vaguely-masculine-looking person with nail polish and a husband.
