the unknown, together

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

forget age gaps or differences in rank or whatever the most potently dangerous power dynamic in any relationship is "people like you more than me"

genuinely nothing is more corrosive to love, respect, or trust than the insecurity of forever being second and last in line. of always being the plus one but never invited; always tolerated on their behalf but never wanted on your own. of knowing that nobody's jealousy or admiration is about you at all, only your place at their side. you tell them that you feel like you only exist when you're with them, and they laugh, charmed, but it isn't a figure of speech. it's not enough that they love you best if everyone else loves them better.

okay some people are misinterpreting this as talking about people who treat you like a pity project and like they're doing you a favour by choosing you. this isn't necessarily about relationships made toxic by people who don't value you enough. this is about knowing that you're socially disposable and being unable to accept the love that you're offered because you resent how much your life depends on it.

i think MORE characters should be rape survivors. i think more characters should be csa survivors. i think more characters should be dv survivors. i think strong and noble and attractive and charming and brilliant characters with indomitable spirits should be survivors. i think the most powerful characters in the world should be survivors. i think characters who are cultural icons should be survivors. i think victims and survivors should see ourselves in the most admirable and beloved characters around! i think we should be protagonists!!!

#‘it’s so unnecessary’ . okay . god yea this one drives me CRAZY. people will yap all day long about how it's "unnecessary" to make a character a survivor like do you think it was necessary for any of us to be abused or raped irl? was it narratively essential? did it teach the audience an important lesson? why do we, who have to justify our experiences and existences and reactions all the time in real life, also have to justify why we should exist in fiction? people act so repulsed by the thought of us. i've really fully and truly had enough of that. there is nothing so uniquely disgusting or repulsive or unspeakable about our victimhood or our survival that justifies this obsession with keeping the reality of our existence hidden

"oh but talking about it can be triggering for victims :(((" you know what else is triggering? living in a world that insists that we cannot be open and honest about what happened to us. maybe if we had, oh, i don't know, prominent examples in our cultural stories of people who are victims and are competent and strong it might be easier (for everyone, not just victims) to have the discussions we actually need to have about our trauma.

Writing prompt? No. Writing much delayed.

Ao3 version that lets you open the 'director's cut' where I, the author, explain every detail in excruciating detail to you and what it is in reference to.

#it’s called sending me an ask and I tell you way more info than you actually wanted @newbromantics

heartwarming: your mutual is 30

valmellia jumpscare.

the day my brain allows me to write the thing i've been wanting to write for like a year, i will rejoice.