Mhairi

and THIS michael sheen:

he said, “you have to stop doing that.”

“i know, i know,” because it’s even more embarrassing to be embarrassed about writing fanfic, considering how many posts i’ve reblogged in its defense.

but i misunderstood his original question: “fanfic is just the genre. i asked what you’re writing about.” 

i did the conversational equivalent of a spinning wheel cursor for at least a minute. i started peeling back the setting and the characters, the fic challenge and the specific episode the story jumps off from, and it was one of those slow-dawning light bulb moments. “i’m writing about loneliness, and who we are in the absence of purpose.”

as, i imagine, are a lot of people right now, who probably also don’t realize they’re writing an existential diary in the guise of getting television characters to fuck. 

“that’s what you’re writing. the rest is just how you get there, and how you get it out into the world. was richard iii really about richard the third? would shakespeare have gotten as many people to see it if it wasn’t a story they knew?”

Ron loves breakfast.

Hogwarts has a particularly delicious fry-up—thick marmalades, perfectly browned toast, fluffy eggs, crispy bacon—and a year on the run has led to an even greater appreciation for hot and satisfying meals.

This love for all things breakfast means he’s one of the first in the Great Hall every morning, which has led to the most traumatising discovery of his life.

Harry and Draco are shagging.

Of course, they think they’re being stealthy, that no one can tell they’ve been in each other’s pants. 

Well, Ronald Bilius Weasley can. 

Honestly, it’s so bloody obvious that he’s not even proud of himself for figuring it out.

Ron doesn’t say anything. He’s a loyal friend, and he’d rather not think about Harry and Draco doing…whatever it is they’re doing, but most importantly, he’s much too busy enjoying his beans on toast to deal with them. 

“Morning,” Harry calls, clapping him hard on the back. 

“Weasley,” Draco says with a nod, his serious tone undermined somewhat by his dishevelled hair and the very dark (and very conspicuous) love bite he’s got on his neck. “Good morning.”

“Surprised to see you lot up so early…”

“Oh—er, yeah. We wanted to get a start on McGonagall’s inter-house unity thing and um…get to the library early.”

Ron wasn’t going to say anything—Harry is his best mate and he did die very recently—but Harry’s the worst liar in the world and he’s suddenly spotted the bruise on Draco’s neck and is trying to have a silent conversation with him without Ron noticing.

It’s not going well. 

Draco’s far too busy pouring his tea to realise Harry’s practically strangling himself in an attempt to get Draco’s attention. Harry’s hands are tight around his own neck while Draco’s stirring way too much sugar into his cup, Ron’s perfectly fluffy eggs are going cold and his bacon is becoming less crispy by the second, and, well, he’s had quite enough.

“So, how long have you and Malfoy been fucking?”

Harry actually does start choking—eyes nearly popping out of his head—Draco has gone even paler (a feat Ron didn’t know was possible), and if Ron wasn’t so annoyed about his favourite meal of the day being ruined, he would laugh.

Draco regains his composure first. “We are not fucking. I don’t even like Potter!”

“Hey—” Harry starts and Draco shoots him a look that reminds Ron so forcefully of fifth year, that he has to stop himself from looking around for Umbridge.

“Shut up,” Draco hisses.

“We can’t keep sneaking around forever—” Ron snorts at Harry’s belief that anything they’ve done is even close to sneaky “—and I want to…well, I want to tell people that you’re my boyfriend.”

They’re staring and staring and staring, so clearly in love that Ron feels like gagging—just a little.

He’s saved by Headmistress McGonagall sweeping up to their table.

“Morning boys,” she says, nodding to them all in turn. 

Ron has to answer for the group, given that Harry and Draco can’t take their eyes off each other. 

“Morning Headmistress.”

“Mr Potter, could you explain to me why you and Mr Malfoy are wearing each other’s ties?”

Both of them flush bright red, spluttering incoherently as McGonagall frowns in confusion.

Ron affects a grave expression. “I think kids these days are calling it inter-house unity.”

For the @drarrymicrofic prompt: teamwork. Hugs to @academicdisaster24 for looking this over and being a shining light in my life.

- was the only one to get an A the first grading period. had to stop them from putting me on their shoulders

- became the official classroom mascot on account of i was the only girl. this meant i was an integral stop on any and all workshop tours. was referred to as “Our Lady Helena” on these occasions

- almost set myself on fire once bc my prof stood behind me watching me try a skill he’d just demonstrated and he shouted very suddenly very loudly. restarted my heart and asked WTF WAS THAT FOR JOHN and he called me a “goddamn wonder”. i almost got third degree burned over a compliment

- mentioned offhand ONE TIME that swords were cool. also mentioned my birthday offhand ONE TIME. one of The Guys remembered both instances and also happened to find a sword in a dumpster so he gave it to me for my birthday

- came in fifth in an arm wrestling competition

- french braided my hair in class bc i didn’t have time to do it beforehand. ended up with an audience of like 5+ guys trying to figure out how tf i was doing it

- told The Guys my college friends call me barbie. Mistake. suddenly had all 12 of them calling me Barbarian

- had some down time and made a silly little sculpture with some scraps. The Guys were endlessly intrigued by this and demanded to see some of my art school stuff. had a small crowd around my phone cheering loudly every time i swiped to a new picture

- accidentally mentioned the cafe i worked at. Mistake. several days later all 12 of them came in to bother me

(Source: @catadromously​’s art)

“Tell us your wisdom, O Great One!”

Things are scary.

Maybe you need a soft and gently purring Fancy making big big mashy paws in the air to help you out!

AND THEY CHEAT ON EXAMS TOGETHER

🚨🚨🚨🚨OFFICIAL YOUNG COWBOY MCCOY CONCEPT ART 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨