Venom Enthusiast

what a good and respectful wildlife interaction, from both sides!

Nobody has ever been capable of writing a scathingly harsh and well formulated satire about the perils of modern capitalism, that doesn't just get immediately one-upped by some random food service worker talking about their actual week.

can you please refrain from performing speedrun strats at the dinner table

i don’t know. i’m barely a person. i just want to be kind and hold someone’s hand. eat an ice cream cone. stare at the lake. feel the sun on my skin. lay in the grass. run through a sprinkler. it’s so easy to forget life is supposed to feel like a deep breath and not a gasp

oh I see. it was the crime of wanting. that's why I deserve it.

you missed it because you were looking at your phone but an angel just appeared to me with a flaming sword and told me that god decided there’s nothing wrong with day drinking

having to go to work on the first two days of your period should be outlawed

wow you got to the red stop light faster and more dangerously than anyone else. should we throw a party?? should we call nascar

[DAZED FROM BLOOD LOSS] hey not to kill the vibe completely but i think i am in love with you

get yourself a main character whos two primary emotions are "little cunt" and "catatonic with grief"

shoutout to the small but vocal minority of people on this post who are full throttle neck deep in roman senator rpf posting. i see you i appreciate you. truly there are so many kinds of guy you cant even dream of in this world

people are always like "Oh a vampire wouldn't get horny while drinking someone's blood, that's like getting horny while eating a sandwich" and like man have you never had a really good fucking sandwich?

Reblog if you're hoping 2011 will be a fresh start.