hold out, my sweet

i just watched ‘if i had legs i’d kick you’ the other week and thought it was fantastic, only to go online and see a viral clip of that one influencer whose only thought about the film was that the child was annoying. even worse when basically every opinion i saw online shared that sentiment. even if it wasn’t their main takeaway, most of them circled back to their hatred for the child.

it made me want to rewatch the babadook which i just did, only to go on letterboxd and reddit (don’t judge me) and see everyone essentially had the same exact opinion about the samuel in that film as well. i just genuinely do not understand people’s inability to engage with point of view in film. even if the child’s overbearing personality wasn’t all just from the perception of the mother, why can’t people just like, not be assholes? i honestly don’t really care if im being too woke about that like idk it’s just genuinely so so frustrating especially when these children are are written to reflect trauma, fear, grief, etc, and in both films the kids are victims of their circumstances and are struggling just as much as their mother.

in the book, elphaba decides on a whim that her and glinda are going to visit the wizard completely uninvited or unannounced. glinda doesn’t really want to go, but does anyway, and then the wizard turns out to be…well, the wizard, and so elphaba of course is outraged and decides to rebel right then and there. she doesn’t even tell glinda what she’s doing, so of course she doesn’t ask her to come along either. her departure is solitary because she maybe believes that it has to be. she couldn’t possibly entertain the idea that glinda could work with her— it simply doesn’t ever cross her mind (granted, glinda wouldn’t leave with her anyway, but besides the point) because of book!elphie’s self hatred and isolated nature. she knows glinda will miss her, she knows glinda doesn’t want her to leave. she can’t bear witnessing it. so instead, she leaves without notice.

this is all obviously inverted in the moviesical verse. elphaba’s characterization is softened in both versions. she doesn’t just flee the emerald city- she allows herself to be vulnerable and ask glinda to join with her. moviesical elphaba is soo fucking hopeful it’s sick, a quality that book!elphie simply does not posses and i love all versions of her.

book!elphaba leaves alone because she refuses to share her burdens with anyone, especially not with glinda. book!elphaba flees without explanation because rebellion and the duties of her altruism are, in her mind, solitary actions. moviesical!elphaba tries to get glinda to go with her because she believes she can have both love/companionship AND serve her altruism all at once. book!glinda stays behind because elphaba didn’t communicate with her; she wasn’t given the choice to leave. moviesical!glinda stays because she knows she can do more from inside the system, and because she isn’t ready to abandon the safe role she knows how to play (and also because elphaba had no plan lol).

and yet, despite the great differences, both versions still showcase a deep connection between two girls who are fundamentally different and are ultimately separated due to those differences. in both versions, they both learn to be intimate with each other in their own ways, they both try to protect each other, and they’re both changed for the rest of their lives. and in both versions, elphaba always chooses righteousness, even if it costs her everything, and glinda always chooses survival, even if it costs her the person she loves.

thinking about this quote a lottt rn, i’ve always liked it but i don’t think ive ever rly just like sat with it like…yes, elphaba is admiring galinda in her own distant yet observant and probably gay way, but there’s also some envy in there, which i hadn’t really considered before. this conversation isn’t just reflecting elphaba reflecting on her feelings about galinda, it’s a moment of reflection about herself as well.

elphaba finds it strange how galinda has the ability to turn parts of herself off and on at any given moment, but she doesn’t find it wrong. in fact, she’s admitting she wishes she could do the same.

“i wouldn’t mind leaving myself behind if i could, but i don’t know the way out.” she’s revealing that if she were to posses the ability to shut out parts of herself like galinda does, she would. she never calls galinda fake or shallow — she reiterates that she loves BOTH parts of her, because she sees the compartmentalizing for what it really is!! awareness of one’s self, and the exhaustion that comes with that.

it starts with “look, there’s that beautiful girl!” and i feel like the choice of having her sing in third person implies she herself views her public persona as basically another person, separate from her true self, the one she had to bury to keep safe.

“all that’s required / to live in a dream / is endlessly closing your eyes” shows that she knows that in order for her comfort to feel…well, comfortable, she has to turn away to the harsh reality that she’s actively participating in. she’s living the life she always dreamed of— revered, admired, powerful— but it requires her to turn a blind eye to the injustice happening around her— and she does. she’s admitting her comfort is the product of sacrificing others and she makes the choice anyway.

“she spins such beautiful stories / to sing her to sleep / full of magic and glory and love” is an admission of using manipulation tactics not just on others, but on herself. she believes if her narrative can frame her as good, loved, adored, then she can avoid her complicity in the system.

“she’s the girl in the bubble / the bright shiny bubble / blissfully floating along” reimagines the bubble image entirely. glinda’s bubble is often a symbol of her power, goodness, and privilege, but the language here prove it’s also a byproduct of her actions— her distance from herself and others, her her disconnection from reality, and the consequences of her complicity. the bubble is “blindingly floating along” which keeps her untouched and unharmed while every one else suffers.

“but the truth has a way / of seeping on in / beneath the surface and sheen” acknowledges that no matter how much she wants to continue her facade and deny that her involvement with the wizard and morrible is dangerous, the truth of the situation is that she can’t hide from the truth forever and ignorance can only happen for so long.

“and as blind as you try to be / eventually / it’s hard to unsee what you’ve seen” this is such a powerful, irreversible realization that glinda has. she’s finally seen and understood the impact the wizard’s fascism has, not just on Oz but on elphaba and herself, and she can’t un-realize that. this is the death of her own ignorance and her finally seeing how she was never innocent.

this, of course, spikes an identity crisis among herself. now she must ask, “if she comes down from the sky / gives the real world a try / who in the world is she now?” her entire life has been built on public perception and social acceptance, but if she denounces the system she’s been upholding, she risks losing her “goodness” (because her being good was entirely relational to the perception from the ozians), her comfort/security, and even herself. it’s terrifying for her.

she acknowledges that this is an incredibly difficult decision. “and though so much of her wishes / she could float on / and the beautiful lies never stop” part of her wants to continue on with the facade and deception, not because she’s a bad person but because it’s the only safety and form of protection she knows. however, she also wants to know how it feels to be authentic and moral and truly “good.”

“isn’t it high time / for her bubble to pop” her wanting to be held accountable for everything even if she’s unsure of what it means going forward.