I am going to [remembers that jokes about suicide are detrimental to myself and others] Scarborough Fair.

oh cool can u get me parsley sage rosemary and thyme while ur there please?

Me, pointing to the mirror: Do NOT become The Joker about this. This isn’t even a Condiment King situation.

if your animal is lying on the floor, furniture etc, it’s important to take a picture of them. then, if they move or shift in any way, it’s important to take another picture. with this technique, you can take many pictures of your animal

i like how all cats regardless of species can either look rlly badass and cool or just incredibly silly stupid

me in my brain me in my selfies

My mans unlocked a higher level of synesthesia

her cookie make me pitch a tent because shes fat & weird and now I will expire in 1-3 days

there are days where NO ❌️ video games are played and there are days where video games are played for 10 or maybe 14 hours straight

REGRET TO INFORM YOU YOUR SON HAS DIED FROM TRENCH FOOT LOL HE SERVED WITH COURAGE AND HONOR LOL PLEASE ACCEPT OUR DEEPEST CONDOLENCES LOL

eevee should have a normal type evolution called eeveevee and it's just an eevee but bigger and floofier

This post is how I've learned that the sexual meaning of "spit roast" has now become more well known than the literal meaning of roasting something on a spit, and the slangy way of using it to describe an ass kicking or a humiliating defeat is completely forgotten