the face of a boy who’s going to SQUEE as soon as he’s out of view
also the face of a boy who has already decided ilya rozanov’s fate
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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Sade Olutola

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the face of a boy who’s going to SQUEE as soon as he’s out of view
also the face of a boy who has already decided ilya rozanov’s fate

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“Shane fuck Shane help we fucked up, we lost Ilya, I swear he was here one second ago and now-“
“Haas, where are you right now?”
“The club by the hotel.”
“And he’s not in the bathroom?”
“No.”
“Not on the roof?”
“No.”
“Not trying to access any of the dancers poles?”
“What? Why would- Oh, Troy says no.”
“Is he hanging out with drunk girls in the women’s bathroom?”
“Umm, one sec. Harris, can you ask her if Ilya is in there? … Harris says no.”
“Ok. What were you talking about before he disappeared?”
“We were trying to figure out where to eat.”
“Did anyone bring up sushi?”
“He didn’t say he wanted-“
“Just answer the question.”
“Uh yeah, someone suggested it, but he said he wanted-“
“He’s at the pier.”
“What?”
“He got bored, sushi put fish on his brain, which made him think about water, and he likes going to piers, and the hotel is walking distance from a boardwalk by the water. He’s there, most likely trying to look at fish going under the dock.”
“… How do you know that?”
“Do you have any ideas how many times I have gotten this exact phone call? He’s easier to catch if you bait him with mozzarella sticks but make sure he knows he only gets them if he comes quietly. If you let him negotiate he will take the sticks and run. Cliff always fell for that.”
girl. respect your elders.
phil looking at this dan and thinking about how york could be good for him and if he were to go there they would make it work.
sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and i'm losing sense of time

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Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)
But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.
And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.
And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"
am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat
I just know, after raising Shane all these years, Yuna is very in tune with the likes and dislikes of her family and always likes to pick things up when she’s out.
A blanket on sale that she knows is a texture Shane will like, sesame mochi — the only dessert Shane will eat — David’s favourite brand of chocolate covered almonds (Meiji, obviously).
And when Ilya joins their family it takes a while, but Yuna notices that he always reaches for the dried mangoes when there’s a bag open, and he eats the Miss Vickies sweet and spicy ketchup chips by the handful.
So it makes sense to her that she would pick these things up when she sees them at the store and make sure her pantry is stocked for all her boys.
Ilya only finds out when they’re over at his parents on a movie night, and Shane, rummaging around the pantry for snacks groans “at this point, you have more of Ilya’s stuff than you do mine,”
“My stuff?” He asks, completely befuddled.
“Yeah, like the ketchup chips and the dried mangoes. Your snacks take up the whole pantry.”
“My snacks,” Ilya says again flatly, still not understanding. “But you all eat these.”
“I mean sure,” Shane agrees, “but my mom buys them for you. Because you like them.”
“This is true?” Ilya turns to Yuna with wide eyes.
And Yuna smiles softly at him, maybe a little sheepishly at being called out so blatantly, and shrugs.
“I mean, yes, honey. I thought you liked those snacks?”
And Ilya gets all teary and reassures her that he loves these snacks. He’s obsessed with these snacks. They are his favourite snacks.
And he starts noticing how anytime he shows interest in something, it will start showing up regularly at the Hollander household—snacks, candy, that specific Japanese soda Ilya likes with the marble.
It becomes a running joke between them that Yuna pays more attention to what Ilya likes than what Shane does (not true but the joke makes them both pleased and sappy).
the first time ilya takes shane to the club after they get married, he shaves beforehand, puts on a tight black tank top and sprays himself with his fuckboy cologne from the hookup era. shane is already horny for him even before they leave the house — crucially, he loves fuckboy ilya, because come on, he’s been fucking this man for years when he looked exactly like this.
at the club, ilya buys out the entire dj set to only play 2010s club anthems all night long. he wants to give shane the ultimate 2010s clubbing experience he never had, but also make up for all those nights ilya had to spend dancing and making out with strangers and not the one person he wanted. but now he gets to do all this with his husband! who is delightfully hard for him by the way, because shane finds sleazy club slut ilya absolutely irresistible. ilya is gripping his hips, grinding against him, licking his neck and whispering the dirtiest filth into his ear, and shane gets dizzying butterflies he imagines all those girls got back then. and he isn’t even retroactively jealous, because now his ring is on ilya’s finger, and oh god, he gets to be taken home by ilya rozanov! he gets to have all his attention now and get railed stupid by him later!! in their shared home!!! shane is living his dream life, and ilya is right there with him.
petekey is real. and my proof is because i'm drawing them. they're very real and tangible. petekey real confirmed

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Vague santa be like :
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
WAIT guys im not done horny posting… one more thing… Shane and Ilya have bare sex, ok and Shane is all have you ever you know done that with anyone before? And Ilya is like hm no not really and Shane is like what do you mean not really. And Ilya is like well with girls sometimes when I was drunk and being stupid, but I’d always pull out- I’ve only ever cum inside you Shane. And Shane is like. Oh. Because it kinda didn’t matter if Ilya had- but he kinda loves that only he’s given Ilya that. And then he’s just like “I can’t really picture you being able to pull out” and Ilya is like all eye brows and “what? What kind of chirp is this Hollander? I am not so stupid to maybe get someone pregnant” and Shane is just all shrug- “well whenever we- everytime we’ve fucked, even with a condom you don’t want to come anywhere but inside me. And you push in so deep when you cum sometimes it knocks my breath out. So. I just can’t see it” he shrugs and Ilya is all.
“What the fuck shane” and he’s maybe a little hard, and Shane is like “I mean it’s really hot. I like it. I just think you’d suck at pulling out” and he’s got a little smirk and Ilya is like woooow. Turns into bickering which turns into play fighting which turns into dry humping- which turns into Shane on his back with his legs slung over Ilya’s hips, Ilya pushing into him bare and slick with lube.
Once he’s all the way inside, mouth panting against Shane’s, Shane stroking his hand through his hair he’s like “make sure you pull out okay?” And Ilya pulls back to catch Shane’s eye and that little gleam he gets in it and oh game on. Ilya is like “of course baby, don’t wanna get you pregnant, metros stand no chance without next season if you’re knocked up” and Shane’s mouth drops open and his cock throbs between them and he lets out a tiny choked sound and oh. Ilya will be investigating that more later.
But it Shane so it’s game on and he swallows and he says “mm only if you can’t control yourself big boy” and Ilya hates how much that turns him on- and then they’re fucking and Shane is squirmy and loud under him, hands all over Ilya’s chest and neck and face and down his back and gripping at his ass and Ilya loooves that he can fuck him like this now, on his back and glued close and not hiding anything between them anymore. Ilyas getting close and his brain is swimming because he won’t prove Shane right- he won’t but fuck it feels so fucking good and Shane is so tight and wet and perfect around him and his cock looks so pretty throbbing and jolting with Ilya’s thrusts and he loves the way Shane shakes around him after he’s cum and Ilya keeps fucking him through it till he fills him and he wants that and he- he can’t he’s going to be good.
And then shane is kissing him, pulling at his hair, scratching at his scalp and saying “m close” Ilya all low and soft and fuck Ilya loves him and only Ilya gets him like this and they both need this so badly- it’s the whole universe, how good this feels. And Ilya needs Shane to feel good, he’s nodding, kissing Shane back the best he can as he fucks him, harder, deeper, presses his legs apart further the leverage down and in the way Shane loves and Shane is whining, throwing his head back and mumbling “Ilya Ilya” and Ilya might die, like this, he thinks one day because it’s too good. It’s already heaven.
“Let go sweetheart” Ilya is mumbling and shane is nodding and he’s slurring out “don’t cum, don’t cum inside remember, you can’ get me preg-” and Ilya is fucking him harder then, Shane’s words stuttering off and he cums, back bowed and all over his stomach and chest and he’s so fucking tight round Ilya and Ilya is so fucking close. So close. He needs to cum- but he needs to cum inside Shane.
He’s never once had an issue with pulling out, happy to cover tits or face or ass in his cum instead, but Shane is all dazed and shivery and post orgasm gorgeous on his cock and his hands are grabbing soft and open at Ilya’s back and neck, holding him close and Shane loves being full, Ilya knows this, Ilya loves filling him, he stays inside Shane after sex for as long as he can most times and it’s not right it’s not what he wants, to pull out of the warm secure home of Shane’s body, where he belongs, where Shane takes him like it’s devotion. Ilya is shivering, his shoulder wracking as he fucks Shane and his pace is slowed and he tries to force his hips to stay on the out stroke. To pull back- but he can’t, he can’t stop driving in, helpless little fucks of his good because this feels to good, being Shane’s, connected to him, fucking him open, fitting him on him he can’t make himself stop.
Ilya frowns and looks up at Shane and Shane is head back, mouth parted, soft smile as he takes Ilya’s thrusts, his hand on Ilya’s cheek now, thumb rubbing and Shane mumbles after a big content sigh “fuck baby I love your cock” and then Ilya is whining, low and driving into Shane, all the way, sinking his cock so deep it must hurt a bit for Shane, till he has no more space to go and he cums so hard his thigh and lower stomach cramp with it, Shaking as he ruts and pushes up up up into Shane, filling him.
When they both have words again, Shane giggles, fuck drunk and swats at Ilya’s ass and Ilya is shaking his head and pinching at Shane’s sides and calling him a cheat! A fucking cheat! He didn’t play faiiir and Shane is laughing, open and happy and locks his legs behind Ilya’s back when he does threaten to pull out and kisses his head and tell him it’s okay he won’t tell alone his pull out game is weak and Ilya pins his hands to the bed to tickle him until Shane is kicking at him and flushed all the way down his chest and Ilya gives in. He slumps onto Shane, biting back his smile. Fuck Shane is so fun and lovely and hot and everything he could have ever wanted. He puts his hand over Shane’s stomach, spreading his cum out with his fingers, making a mess that Shane will start to bitch about in the next ten or so seconds but Ilya beats him to it, pulls back to look at Shane and ask “what will we call the baby?” And then Shane is pushing Ilya out of him, avoiding eye contact and flushing and stumbling on dazed legs to the shower. Ilya catches his smile in the bathroom mirror as Ilya chases after him.
No yeah I’m good there’s just some Ilya’s tragic upbringing + his ability to be kind in spite of it all in my eye.
All Go

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the artemis ii mission reminds me why i love humanity so much. they play pink pony club for the astronauts. they have issues with microsoft outlook. one of the astronauts named a moon crater after his late wife. a jar of nutella just flew by. they make 67 memes because they’re big nerds with huge hearts who say that we look beautiful from there. they call dibs on sleeping arrangements and the mission specialist likes sleeping like a bat. the pilot’s daughter shows her dad off on her social media.
dunno just sometimes helps to think that we can do things like that.
I do love how despite Ilya being the one in active mental health treatment and having Romance Protagonist levels of insane trauma background Shane is 1000000% the crazier one between them. Like Ilya’s done shockingly well considering and sure he’s got some abandonment issues and some insecurities but he’s basically very functional and aware of his triggers. Shane I think would actually do a murder suicide in the right circumstances. Not shitpost Shane like canon Shane