Like Stars In a Storm

Some things you call “just who I am”are patterns you learned to survive. Alot of what feels natural to you was actually built in environments where you had to adapt, shrink, protect yourself

Here are a few examples

You thought you were “independent” but you struggle to rely on anyone because depending on others never felt safe

You thought you were “low maintenance” but you learned not to ask for much so you wouldn’t be a burden

You thought you were “chill” but you avoid conflict because speaking up once cost you something

You thought you were “an overthinker”but your mind is always scanning for what could go wrong so you can stay one step ahead

You thought you were “a people pleaser”but you learned that being liked was the safest way to stay accepted

You thought you were “emotionally strong” but you’re actually used to suppressing how you feel because no one ever held space for it

You thought you were “private”but opening up has never felt safe enough to try. None of these are flaws. They were intelligent adaptations that helped you navigate situations where you didn’t feel fully secure or supported

Have you ever seen a tufted pygmy squirrel (Exilisciurus whiteheadi)? Found only in Borneo’s mountain forests—at elevations of more than 3,280.8 ft (1,000 m)—this tiny critter is one of the world’s smallest squirrels. It grows up to 3.4 in (8.6 cm) long. And at about 0.8 oz (22.7 g), adults typically weigh less than half a stick of butter! Easily recognizable thanks to its ear tufts, this species feeds primarily on moss and lichens.

I am a safety-first creature. Of all arguments against love none makes so strong an appeal to my nature as “Careful! This might lead you to suffering”.

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

-CS Lewis, A Grief Observed