โmea culpa, mea culpa, mea mรกxima culpaโ
yandere mafia oc x sexworker reader | oc: luciano magnotti (visual) | accompanying short comic | navigation | 7.0k wc | unedited
tw; yandere, female reader, misogyny, kidnapping, past domestic abuse, past child abuse, coercion, unhealthy relationships, murder, slut-shaming, religious themes, delusion, unhealthy ideas of masculinity, religious trauma, sexual harassment
The silence of the library left ample room for the outside rain to be heard, it was getting heavier with every passing second. The weather forecast didnโt let you know that god was unleashing another flood upon mankind. If it had, maybe you could have avoided mutilating your umbrella beyond recovery by staying at home. But now that you were already here, miserable, wet, and with no means of returning until the rain let upโyou decided to make the most of it.
โCrime and Punishment.โ Your eyes lit up as you finally found the book, cursing whoever arbitrarily put it amongst the titles beginning with โJโ instead of โCโ while reaching for it. Unfortunately, your victory was short lived, someone else beat you to it by mere seconds.
Looking to the side, an awkward regret washed over you as a man stared back, his hand still on the book not yet taken out of the shelf.
โUhโฆโ โJust apologise and leaveโ, you told yourself like a mantra as your brain tried to formulate words.
โI didnโt see you there, sorry. Were you also looking for this book?โ He asks while pointing to the copy of โCrime and Punishmentโ now in his hands.
โOhโum, yes but itโs okay! You reached for it first.โ Examining the man in front of you more carefully, he looked like a studentโyoung, well-dressed and holding a book that was definitely part of some mandatory curriculum. He introduced himself as Luciano, around your age and not, in fact, a studentโalthough he didnโt describe his job in much detail either. Luciano was a soft spoken man with his dark brown hair, hazel green eyes and a general air of mystery about him. Your opinion of him was definitely helped by the fact that he encouraged you to have the book as he had already read it before and after hearing of your misfortune with the rain, insisted you take his umbrella.
โMy car's in the parking lot right outside so Iโll be fine, you should take it.โ He couldโve offered to drive you, insisted on it, but he didnโt and you appreciated that. What with being strangers to each other, in spite of the positive first impression, and all.
You relented in the end, somehow managing to exchange phone numbers while trying to express your discomfort with just taking his umbrella and offering nothing in return.
โItโs been so long since I enjoyed talking with someone this much, letโs do this again.โ And so, with a promise to meet again sometime soon, you set off.
On your way home, book safely tucked in your bag and Lucianoโs umbrella in hand, you felt bittersweet as your apartment complex finally entered into view. As if you had defrauded a kind man that did nothing to deserve it. These things always go the same: meet someone, hit it off, start thinking that maybe, just maybe, youโve finally met the one but then they find out what you do for work and suddenly itโs like a switch flips. You arenโt the โpure and innocentโ woman they imagined and therefore not quite worth their devotion. Because according to their logicโwomen like you, sex workers, are to be used and tossed aside, not brought home.
Itโs hard to consider the โmoralityโ and โproprietyโ of it all when youโve not eaten in a few days so you try not to think about it. You werenโt harming people or resorting to crime, you earned whatever little you had but as your phone screen flashed with a notification from Lucianoโasking if you had made it home safelyโyou could already picture his reaction to your job being as extreme as those of the men you had met in the past.
The following weeks, you two would meet whenever your schedules aligned. During those get-togethersโit felt improper to call them datesโLuciano would occasionally ask about your childhood, whether you had any family, or what you thought about one book or the other. To your relief, he didnโt ask about your job and so you never brought the topic up either, even if it weighed on your conscience at times.
โI thought you were a student the first time we met.โ You stated, recalling the first meeting.
โMe? Oh no, I dropped out quite some time ago.โ He sounded somewhat ashamed when admitting to it.
โIโm sure you could go back and get a degree.โ Your attempt at comfort didnโt land all too well as he chuckled bitterly and replied.
โIt's too late for me now.โ His tone shifted when saying this. What exactly made it sound so off? You couldnโt quite put your finger on it. If you had figured it out earlier, maybe you wouldโve left while you still couldโchanged your name, left the city, never involved yourself with Luciano or anyone even remotely affiliated with him. But you didnโt. Instead you began fantasizing about a better future, one that was always above your station.All while sitting side by side in the late evening with him as you admired the sunset, listening to the small excerpts of his childhood that Luciano would occasionally indulge you with.
โYou used to get picked on as a kid? No way!โ Your reaction elicited a laugh from the male.
โI was a total wimp.โ Despite the nature of the memory, he recounted it with an air of nostalgia, as if it were something pleasant.
โIn the end, Iโd hide behind my little sister or go running to my mother and sheโd comfort me โtil I stopped crying.โ Looking at his face, you could see a small smile forming, one dripping with unmistakable fondness.
Luciano couldnโt help but feel warm and fuzzy inside. How long had it been since he last spoke with a normal person?
โBoss, the mayor called earlier today sayinโ heโd be there tonight.โ A familiar face, his assistant, said apprehensivelyโhis eyes cast down and set on the floor as he realised his mistake far too late. Luciano had made it abundantly clear how much he disliked them calling him โbossโ like some stereotypical mob lowlives. The brunette was many things but he refused to be considered a criminal on top of it all, he wasnโt like thatโhe didnโt do it out of a twisted craving for violence or power like most men around him. He was nothing like them.
โWell then? Whatโre you standing here for? Go make preparations for it, Antonio.โ People like Antonio donโt get it until you spell it out for them in a language that they understand, Luciano thought as much. Because he saw the way they looked down on him, judged him to be frail and feminine by his appearance, so he compensated like this. How else was he to protect himself? After all, there is nothing worse than a weak man incapable of protecting his family, thatโs what his father always said before dying.
The library was meant to be a short break, something routine, and yet he approached someone he had no business involving in that filthy line of business of his, he was getting greedy. But Luciano made up his mindโyou were so sweet, so pure, he couldnโt bear to repeat the same mistake once more so he was going to end things. Decisively cut contact and only looking back on you as a fond memory from the past.
It was a common occurrence to see public figures at the club you worked at. Whether itโs policemen, priests or politiciansโnothing surprised you. So when the new mayor was amongst the men in that room with his hands wandering all over Bianca, barely nineteen and doing sex work to afford a living, you werenโt surprised.
Her discomfort was evident as she looked your way distressed, so you prepared to step in. Planning to tactfully get the mayorโs attention so she could slip out for a bit. Thatโs when your gaze fell to the man next to the mayor, clad in a dark suit and previously immersed in whatever conversation the two men were havingโnow, his dark brown hair shuffled somewhat as he glared straight at you.
It felt as if the whole world stopped moving. For a second all you could register were those familiar hazel green eyes of his. Yet, when they stared back, it was a look devoid of any of the warmth you became accustomed to.
None of the men that came to that nightclub were good news and if Luciano could get one-on-one time with the mayor, he most certainly wasnโt company you would want. Thankfully, he turned back to entertaining the mayor which allowed Bianca to slip away without your intervention and permitting you to blend into the background, foolishly hoping that he forgets you were even there.
The rest of the night went by peacefully, aside from the growing pit in your stomach that is. As the men began exiting little by little, you prematurely breathed a sigh of relief. This mistake soon became evident to you as someone behind youโit wasnโt hard to guess whoโgripped your forearm. The sudden act elicited a yelp from you, causing some of the people ahead to turn back with equal parts concern and curiosity.
โLeave us.โ Unfortunately, those words were all it took from Luciano, whose hand was still securely placed on your arm, for everyone in that room besides you two to leave.
โYouโre a hooker?โ He spoke, grip still on your arm as if youโll run away the first chance you getโan assumption not entirely inaccurate.
โThe proper term is sex worker.โ You could see the gun tucked under his suit jacket, in fact, most of the men there that night had one attached to their hips. Knowing that, you still couldnโt help correct him.
โIs that really what you should be focused on right now?โ No part of the harshness in his tone that night reminded you of the gentle, soft-spoken Luciano you had met in the library. In fact, if someone told you that the man in front of you was an entirely separate person from the one in your memories, you might just believe them.
โYouโre a criminal, do you really think youโre in a place to judge?โ Youโre going to die, you thought. This much recklessness was unusual, even for you. But you just couldnโt stand the way he looked down upon youโas if you were committing the gravest sin one could. Ignoring how he, or whichever one of the many men he kept in his company, had requested your presence there in the first place. As if he wasnโt the one attending a back-alley meeting with the mayor, at a nightclub with a gun attached to his hip.
Your words struck a cord with Luciano, if his reply was anything to go by. โIโm nothing like them.โ
His voice cracked as he spoke, tone unsure of the words leaving his own mouth.
โI didnโt realise they made exceptions just for youโ.โ
โDo not lump me in with scum like them when you donโt know anything.โ Whatever little restraint he had by then vanished as he began raising his voice. Perhaps in some last ditch attempt at intimidation, you presumed, by that point unsure of who he was trying to convince but you didnโt stick around to find out. His reaction was nothing new, it was similar enough to other men you had encountered in the past that you felt no need to hear him out further. You stormed out before he, or anyone else really, could stop youโtaking advantage of the chaos at the nightclub to shuffle between the crowds of people unnoticed. Holding in your urge to speed out of the building as soon as humanly possible, largely to avoid attracting any further attention as Lucianoโs associates had yet to leave. Instead, you calmly ordered a taxi while exiting so that you could make it home as soon as possible, lest things get violent as they often did in these instances. Only messaging Bianca afterwards so she wouldnโt worry when she realised you were no longer at the club.
Going to church wasnโt a habit you upheld religiously but as a child largely raised in an orphanage attached to a church, going there brought you peace. A peace that you desperately needed at present because nothing good would come from being alone. And so, you tried to wash away the exhaustion from last night's events and dressed in your best, church-appropriate clothes.
It was out of the ordinary for you to visit the orphanage on a Sunday during the morning mass when most attendees were retired and elderly so the children couldnโt help failing to contain their surprise.
โBig sis, youโre here!!โ Announced one of the younger boys, the sheer excitement on his face quickly reflecting on yours as well.
โDani!โ You called back towards the boy, opening your arms to invite him, and the other children, into a hug. God knows you needed it.
โBig bro Luciโs here and now you too, sis! Todayโs the bestest day ever!โ Declared Alma, another of the orphanage children, from within your embrace.
โLuci?โ That name didnโt ring a bell so you rightfully looked towards the much older nun that watched over the children, sister Maria.
โHeโs a young man that comes by and plays with the children every so often. Iโve been meaning to introduce you but youโre both such a nightmare to get a hold of!โ
โItโs okay! Iโll introduce you to him, big sis!โ Alma interrupted, now holding your hand with her own much smaller one as she dragged you towards the main church with strength that a little girl her age had no business having.
At the same time, sitting in the church pews, Lucianoโs mind similarly kept wandering to the events of the previous nightโhe had thought of you as pure, as above him. The kind of woman that would rightfully turn her nose at discovering who he truly was, which you did, but you yourself were no saint either. Granted, his reaction was nothing to applaud, he acknowledges that much, but the way you had stormed out, that finality in your every step, it left him with an unresolved conflict in his heart. One that was all too familiar to Luciano by now. He had replayed similar scenes in his mind over and over again, what-if scenarios with alternative choices that could have changed the outcome so that he wasnโt left all alone again and again.
โBrothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.โ Luciano was unsure why that particular verse stuck with him but he felt invigorated, the remainder of the sermon quickly blending into the background as he rushed out of the building with the urgency of a man that would die if he didnโt fulfill his objective that very instant. Itโs almost as if god was on his side as he spotted you with the children. Seeing you embrace them so lovingly reminded him once more why you became all he could think about so suddenly. You werenโt perfect but he could help, he could protect you from the cruel and ugly facets of the world so that you donโt need to return to that life of depravity anymore. Luciano didnโt have to lose you, he wouldnโt.
โOh! Big bro, youโre here!!โ Alma spotted him from across the courtyard, pointing at him with zeal as Dani ran to grab himโnot that Luciano was going anywhere, there was no need for him to when you were right there, kept in place by Almaโs smaller hand. You stared back at him with part disbelief and part terror, an emotion that was entirely misplaced if you ask Luciano.
โYouโre Luciโฆ?โ You asked once he was dragged close enough by Dani.
โItโs the nickname my mother gave me as a child.โ He answered bluntly, eyes not wandering from your face for a second. โThatโs beside the point, I need to talk to you.โ
You didnโt look thrilled at the prospect but surrounded by the curious eyes of the children and sister Maria, you reckoned that making a huge fuss would benefit no one. You patted Alma on the head in farewell and offered a nod towards the sister before following Luciano straight towards his parked car. Not your smartest decision but you were dealing with a volatile man who had access to unfathomable amounts of weapons and power, neither of which you wanted used in front of the children or their elderly caretaker.
Once inside, you were quick to change your tone as you werenโt thrilled at the prospect of being alone with him so soon. โWhat was it that you wanted to talk about?โ
Luciano however didnโt reply to your inquiry, opting instead to manoeuvre the vehicle out of the parking and drive through unfamiliar streets until urban sprawl disappeared into the distance, replaced by untouched landscapes. The car was driving fast enough that even if you somehow disabled the child-lock, exiting it would be suicide so instead, you tried to ascertain what fate awaited you on arrival to your destination by observing the man on the wheel. Unfortunately, his appearance offered you no clues until he began talking.
โ[name], I wanted to apologise fโr how I spoke to you last night, it wasnโt right of meโโ Lucianoโs neutral well-spoken accent wavered slightly, giving way to an undeniable country dialect that you presumed was from his upbringing in a farming town. It had its own charm and had he stopped his sentence there, you mightโve actually forgiven him but the brunette continued. โโYouโre someone I canโt bear to lose so itโs only right I stop deceiving you. After all: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.โ Weird sermon aside, you were quite puzzled as to what more he could possibly confess to after last nightโs revelation.
โYou remember when I told you I dropped out of university, donโt you?โ
โYesโฆโ You replied apprehensively.
โI used to study medicine back then, before I dropped out. I thought that maybe if I saved enough people that way that I would be forgiven for my sins.โ He paused briefly, letting out a bitter laugh before continuing. โThat didnโt work out, obviouslyโmy mother fell ill so I dropped out to support her and my little sister, Lucia. You wouldโve gotten along with Lucia.โ
You looked outside the passenger window in hopes of his tangent ending faster.
โI tried everything, construction jobs, deliveriesโbut it just wasnโt enough. Mama looked worse every time I visited and Lucia, god I couldnโt even look her in the eye. You have to understand, I hate violence, it reminds me so much of himโoh I hate it, I hate it. But I had no choice.โ His voice sounded more desperate, laced with pure vitriol when referring to โhimโ, whoever that was.
โOne of my coworkers introduced me to thisโฆthis โline of workโ. I realise itโs the exact opposite of what I moved to the city to do, but itโs not my fault! I was desperate, desperate enough to call those violent scumbags my brothers.โ His grip on the steering wheel tightened but even that couldnโt conceal the way his hands shook.
โMama died soon afterโdโyou know what her last words were to me? โYouโre exactly like your father.โ After seventeen years, the first time she spoke to me eye-to-eye and thatโs what she said! But I didnโt mind because she was my motherโwho I swore to protect.โ Lucianoโs eyes were glazed over with tears, it wasnโt hard to notice how he was doing whatever he could to not cry in that moment.
โWhat kind of man am I? I couldnโt protect my mother and then I just stood there, like a fool, when Lucia discovered the things I did, the extent I went to for them. She looked at me exactly how you did yesterday, the same way mama did for the first time all those years ago. Suddenly everything I did, every person I harmed, it was all for nothing.โ Even now, if he had stopped here, you mightโve made an effort to understand him, to pity the sorry man who sat beside you but he kept going.
โMy father would get angry with me when I was younger. He would call me weak and pathetic. Heโd say that there was no use for me if all I did was hide behind my mother, that I wasnโt a man. Even told me that he would finish the job himself if I ran away from a fight again. Mama said that if I truly repented, that I would be forgiven but she never looked at me quite the same. Theyโre all liars. Which is why, this time, Iโm going to do things my way.โ The car finally came to a stop and Lucianoโs gaze was once again dead set on you.
The way in which Lucianoโs nose scrunched or how his eyes narrowed seemed almost reasonableโafter all, what sane person could remain composed in the face of a murder. However, the problem was that he wasnโt an innocent bystander, rather, Luciano Magnottiโthe most brutal mobster the country had seen in its historyโwas anything but a witness to this brutality.
Surely one loses the privilege to have the โholier-than-thouโ attitude he had when theyโve committed as many violent acts as he? His mother sure did think so.
She thought as much from the day her gentle and soft-spoken son first tasted violence by his own hand. That day all those years ago when he killed his own father. From then onwards, it didnโt matter how pitifully he cried for her forgiveness because all she could see was the uncanny look on his face at ten years old as he raised the shattered glass bottle. The little smile on his face as he approached her afterwards, so pleased with himself.
โMamaโฆ.โ The boy murmured, voice barely above a whisper as he gazed onto the older woman on the floorโhis expression somewhat dazed.
His mother, who had laid there writhing in pain just moments prior was now sat up. Still unable to muster the strength to move her body fully, but nonetheless able to witness the act in its entirety. How the bottle had come down with a force she did not know her son, scrawny and weak, was capable of. Even now, her gaze alternated between the slowly approaching boy and blood which gushed out of her husbandโs injury, onto the small rug and everything else along its path.
โL-Luciโฆwhat have you done?โ Her voice gave the impression that she meant to sound firm, not terrified and heaving as she had actually come across.
โHe was hurting you, mama.โ The boy, now standing in front of his mother, looked down towards an old injury on her leg with an apparent displeasure.
Despite remaining sat on the floor, her son was still just barely her height, the woman noted. Her mind drifted to the time he had come to her sobbing after other children teased him for being so short and weak, however, the distraction was short-lived as Luciano, or Luci as he had been nicknamed for so long, suddenly knelt down and hugged her.
โI was so scared, I just wanted him to stop but he wouldnโt listen. I kept telling him to but he wouldnโt listen!โ His demeanor from just moments earlier felt so distant as he now gripped onto her clothes, shaking and beginning to cry as he so often did. The only difference was that this time, he did so covered in the blood of his father.
โThe blood, he won't stop bleeding! We have to call someone, we have to get help, if we get him to a doctor in time I'm sure your father will be okay. We just have to get him a doctor.โ She rambled on and on uncontrollably, now with finally enough strength to move her son aside and approach her husband.
โBut mama, we canโt do that.โ
The boy that would hand over his most prized possessions to his younger sister with an earnest smile. The same one that would sit in a corner and entertain himself with scrappy library books because he knew how guilty his mother felt telling him they couldnโt afford to buy him any toys. That same boy, for the first time, spoke to her with such selfishness in his tone, matter-of-factly like it was the most obvious thing.
โThe police'll take me away now, wonโt they mama? And if you get the doctor heโll wake up again. That means heโll hit you again! I donโt like when he hits you mama.โ The innocence of his tone was betrayed by the indignant look in his eyes as he stared at the body of the man he once used to lovingly call โpapaโ.
โMama I donโt want them to take me away from you.โ He still looked shaken from earlier, tears in the corners of his eyes as he spoke. It finally occurred to her then, it wasnโt that Luciano couldnโt understand what he had done, he just didnโt see what was so wrong with it.
After that moment, her mind stopped registering things fully as she ran around maniacally trying to get help until all their neighbors had heard the ruckus and crowded in their small home while waiting for the doctor.
Despite their insistent questioning, she kept repeating the same lines like a mantra. โWhy wonโt he stop bleeding?โ โIs the doctor here yet?โ โNot now, I have to make sure he doesnโt lose any more blood.โ So instead, they turned to Luciano.
โPapa was drunk when he got hurt.โ The boyโs words were vague enough that the neighbours started filling the gaps with their own theories, arguing until a common consensus was reached with no input from either of the blood-soaked witnesses.
โNo child should see their father in such a state. It's a good thing Lucia isnโt home.โ Said one of the women, a small sigh of relief exiting her lips as she did.
โLeaving behind his wife and two children, what a tragedy.โ Another one added, shaking his head as if though already certain the father wouldnโt survive.
โLuciano, you have to take care of your mom and sister now as the man of the house.โ One of the older men said as he held onto his shoulders.
When the help finally arrived, clearly unprepared for such an incident, a small group of the neighbors spoke with themโtheir words carried the conviction of somebody who had witnessed the whole thing with their own eyes. Whereas his mother turned from yelling at the neighbors to now the doctor.
Nobody paid Luciano much mind beyond one of the older ladies that with her hand around his shoulder pushed him into her side and absentmindedly stroked his head with her other hand. She would occasionally stop to give her two cents to the discussion.
Any usable evidence had been trampled over during the ruckus and the victimโa known drunkโwas long dead. To add to that, an open murder case would reflect badly on a small town like theirs which barely even showed up on maps to begin with. So, in the end, it was labelled an accident with little more thought.
That summer at age ten, Luciano Magnotti, the one responsible for the murder of his father, stood solemnly at the very manโs funeral. Largely unresponsive to the crowd of people offering condolences and advice he had not requested.
Notably, the boy stood quite far apart from his mother who was similarly quiet while holding on to the youngest, Lucia, who looked equally sad moreso due to her mother and older brotherโs demeanour than any understanding of the events around her.
Even if the law believed him innocent, his mother could not. From then on, during the day, she would do whatever meagre work came her way and in the evenings roam their house like a zombie in exhaustion. Only breaking her silence to drag her daughter away from Luciano. When asked why, she would never answer. At night, when the delirium cleared, all she could do was pray on her knees for forgiveness. Because some part of her too had hoped for her husband to never wake up again. Because her bewilderment at her son couldnโt make her forget the way it felt a weight had lifted from her shoulders as her husband's sleeping body made contact with the bottle. Perhaps fittingly, a hypocrite and a violent drunkard gave birth to a murderer, she would think bitterly in her final moments.
As an adult, Luciano was much more aware of what he had doneโand he sincerely regretted his actions, he really did! Why else would he beg at his motherโs feet every chance he got? Even on the day he was finally leaving for the city.
โMamaโฆAt least look at your son, just this once. Please?โ After realising she wouldnโt budge, he would sigh and leave the room to bid goodbye to his younger sister and be on his way to the train station. Stopped by the occasional person awake at such an hour, each complimenting โhow well he had grown up despite his family situationโ and occasionally teasing him for the stark difference in how he looked as a child to now. Because to everyone else, despite the change in his demeanour, Luciano forever remained the โgirlishโ boy who would read books in a corner and cry when he eventually got beat by other kids his age for it. But to his credit, he had made it to a good university straight out of high school.
He would work through his studies, whether it was cleaning or construction, no job was beneath the young man who would work himself to physical exhaustion and then do coursework during his lunch breaks to tire his mind as much as his body. The gruelling routine, the occasional interaction with his much older coworkers who would treat him like a son and the admiration from his classmates, it almost made him forget who he was.
The economy was no better now than it was all those years back when his father had first lost his job so a series of unfortunate events is all it took for Luciano to be kicked out of the course. With no more access to student housing or any close friends to help him, crime enveloped him like a predator lying in wait for the very opportunity.
A low-life criminal for a gang. But even as he entered businesses he once worked for, demanding extortionate โprotection feesโ, Luciano liked to think he was above it. His mother canโt work at her age, not when she was inexplicably bedridden, and his sister should enjoy the things other girls her age do, not worry about debts that are never quite paid and bills that donโt stop at any occasion, itโs not his fault that he has to do this.
Heโs just doing his job, he would tell himself as superiors praised him and he cruised through the ranks.
โThe first timeโs always the hardestโฆโ One of the superiors, he couldnโt recall which, said while handing him a gun for the first time.
โโฆAfterwards, you realise how easy it isโto kill someone I mean. Makes yaโ wonder why people donโt do it more often.โ He chuckled cynically as he finished that sentence, looking up to appraise Lucianoโs expression.
โI see.โ Was all he got in response as Luciano remained lost in thought, gaze focused on the gun in his hands.
โThe fuckโs that sโpposed taโ mean? Man, you gotta stop speaking like youโve got a stick far up your ass. It pisses me off.โ Another of the men said as he wrapped an arm around Luciano. He earnt himself a smile from the latter and a couple of laughs from the others. They saw him like one of their own, like a brother but even when they huddled around him and joked in such a casual manner, Luciano couldnโt help but think he was somehow different. These men, they werenโt like him, they did it for the money and they liked the violence, they liked the way it made men and women alike cower to their demandsโhe did it to sustain his family, he was different.
Perhaps as a final act of mercy to him or, more likely, to Lucia herself, their mother never told her how exactly their father had died despite the girlโs pleas throughout the years. Nowadays, the topic, along with Lucianoโs strained relationship with their mother was largely avoided altogether by Lucia in an attempt to feign a semblance of normalcy. Luciano used to wonder on some days, would she too treat him like their mother if she found out what had truly happened to their father?
He would receive his answer with a slap to the face at his motherโs funeral, from his baby sister, the only person that still called him โLuciโ with such endearment.
โThis is how you paid for her treatment?!โ She asked him in tears, pointing towards the grave their mother finally rested in. For someone that spent so long rationalising his behaviour to himself, none of those excuses would come to his mind in that moment.
โYou said you got an office jobโIโve been living off your dirty money all along?! Youโre a criminal, youโ!โ
โI am nothing like them!โ His sudden shift in tone made Lucia flinch but that didnโt stop him from continuing.
โI did it all for you two, every last bit of it was to protect you two. If I hadnโt done what I did, mama wouldโve died slowly and painfully until the last breath.โ This time, his voice levelled off but now he had a grip on his sisterโs shoulders, painful and desperateโas if begging her to understand. Despite knowing that before disease could ever kill his mother, he already left her as a living corpse.
โDonโt ever come near me againโ.โ She stopped herself from finishing that sentence but Luciano could tell what she wanted to say. โYou disgust me.โ Her face said as much. His grip loosened in the moment, letting her storm off.
Had Luciano held on more firmly, maybe he would still have a sister. At least thatโs what he told himself as he cut down friends and foes alike, each in a more brutal way than the last but still convinced he was above it all.
Offering a small prayer, a habit he picked up from his mother, he would pray for them to finally rest in peace and end with requesting forgiveness for his sins. If Luciano had the time and privacy, he would begin justifying his actions to even god himself.
Despite reaching the top, Luciano had nothing to show for it.
Men of all statuses would bow to him alike, no one daring to offend him and yet he missed the teasing of the other children from his childhood. At least back then, his mother would warmly embrace him afterwards, kissing his every wound sweetly until he would relent.
All the books in the world sat in his office and yet he missed the torn ones from the public library which would fall apart as he read them. At least after finishing those he could proudly share his findings with Lucia who would eagerly listen to it all.
Even that man, his father, at one point used to ruffle his hair affectionately after coming home from work, before he lost it all. But even after that, as he would beat him black and blue, at least there was some sort of emotion thereโeven if just anger. Now Luciano truly had nothing at all.
Thatโs the kind of man you awkwardly smiled at, unaware that it was the first smile he received in so long which didnโt conceal murderous intent. Thatโs the man who you attentively listened to rant about a book not realising how long ago he had last done so.
You offered a man dying of thirst water and now youโre surprised he laps it up with the desperation of someone who would die without it.
Whenever you asked to leave, Luciano would outright ignore you, as if you never said anything to begin with. Sometimes he would let you stroll through the garden behind his villa, always in those frilly sundresses that you couldnโt understand his obsession with. Most of the time, he would bring you books and DVDs to keep you entertained. Anything that couldnโt be used to contact someone else or escape.
The villa itself, despite being the only house for miles, wasn't ridiculously big as you would imagine the home of a single man with more wealth than he knows what to do with would be. Nor had you seen anyone beside Luciano since your arrival.
He would cook for you and let you sleep in a separate bedroom of your choosing, it felt like a nice vacation if you ignored the locked doors. And to your relief, Lucianoโfor all his talkโnever got too close to you. Almost as if he didnโt quite know what to do with you, a hesitation that made you believe you could escape. Isolation began weighing on you after a few days, especially when your only interaction was with an awkward and unstable murderer that would begin preaching at random and even that interaction was largely limited to the evenings when he came home from โworkโ.
Your mind wasnโt at peak performance after being effectively kidnapped and isolated for so long so your escape plan wasnโt the brightest. Truth be told it was quite simple. Luciano always left at a similar time so you waited for an hour or so after his departure before rushing towards the doorโyour bobby pin enough to get past it. The outside gate was old and rusted in some parts but nothing you couldnโt climb. The real issue was walking towards the nearest city when all you could see was vast stretches of country roads with no sign of civilization. You donโt know what you expected to happen, part of you knew your little escape attempt would fail and did it solely as a โfuck youโ to the man that thought he could keep you there but another part of you truly hoped it would work. You missed your shitty apartment, you missed the freedom youโve had for most of your life living alone, you missed the life you had made for yourself even if it was pathetic, meaningless and lonely at times.
โI donโt think I ask for much of you, [name].โ Your heart almost stopped as you heard him. To this day you still donโt know how he found you but he was there regardless, arms wrapped around your waist and his face visibly disappointed.
โLuciano, let me go, I want to go home.โ
โYou want to go back?โ He seemed to be in disbelief, the mere prospect that you might want to return to your old life was something he couldnโt reason with.
โTo whoring yourself out? [name] why is it so hard for you to understand that Iโm trying to help you?โ
โI donโt remember asking for your so-called help, in fact, I was doing just fine until you decided to take out your unresolved mommy issues on me.โ His grip on you tightened at the mention of his mother.
โI really shouldโve taken a page from your sisterโs book and left when I still had the chanceโ!โ
โ[name], thatโs enough.โ
โWhat? Struck a nerve? Canโt handle the fact that Iโm a human being and not some pure virgin bitch for you to ruin?โ
โ[name] Iโm warning you.โ
โFuck you! You murderous bastard youโre going to rot in hโ!โ Luciano covered your mouth with his hand, the other one still holding you in place.
โIโm not going to hurt the woman I love but youโre sorely mistaken if you think Iโll let this type of behaviour slide.โ He started hauling you towards his car despite your kicks and muffled screams.
โThat girl from the nightclub, what was her name? Bianca? The mayor keeps asking me about her yโknow? I know how much you care about her so Iโve been holding him off for quite some time now, heโs an animal when dealing with women. Itโs pretty unpleasant stuff.โ You knew what he was getting at, he didnโt need to continue.
โIn a way, youโre right, [name]. Iโm not a good man, but Iโm fine with that. I'll keep my hands submerged in this filth if itโs for you, if it means youโd just stay with me.โ Luciano has this ability to say and do the worst things when heโs desperate but then also expresses so much tenderness in the same breath.
โYou donโt realise whatโs good for you just yet but thatโs okay, youโre confused and emotional. Itโs okay.โ He was crouched in front of you, who was sitting on the passenger seat facing towards the door, his hands now gently holding your face as he spoke.
โI donโt care what I have to do anymore, I just canโt go back to a world without you in it.โ With those words he, for the first time, wrapped his arms around you in an embrace, as if youโd vanish if he let go.
The thing about Luciano is that once he gets a taste, he canโt have enough of it, whether itโs violence, power, or you.
