i'm bite u

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

hey, tag this with a food people get really upset about you not liking

telling a vampire "youre not allowed in my house anymore" and they get blasted out through the nearest wall

Easily the most annoying kind of vampire in the world are the ones where you finally corner the fuckers and when you're going in with the stake they start spouting off sociology 101 bullshit to try and weasel out of it. "Oh, no ethical consumption under capitalism," "oh, the rich are the real vampires if you think about it-" yeah, yeah, you ate like fifty homeless people, asshole. Hold still

Okay but if you aren't a vegetarian your case against vampires is actually pretty weak.

I SAID HOLD STILL

it fucken WIMDY

“girk at my work”

“girk at my work”

must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

someday I'll stop vivisecting myself

Nature is healing