oh hey gorgeousness

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app

BRING HIM BACK

"all you ever do is complain" that's not true. I also resent.

my friend was testing perfumes out at the store and she sniffed a bottle and anounced "ngl this bitch kind of sucks" The girl at the counter suddenly looked really sad, and my friend was like "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you." And the girl looked up and said "No don't worry, I didn't think that, but I just crushed a ladybug with my shoe" We both took a peak over the counter. she'd stepped on a red m&m

this post is like five posts per post

The Magnanimous Airplane

well, the ears dropped

[Image description: A tweet by Zweil @/somethings_awry with a photo attached. The tweet says "He's found the cozy spot I specifically created for him. I hold the power of relaxation in the palm of my hand. Get manipulated into comfort you absolute FOOL." The photo is of a ginger cat laying comfortably in a cat bed placed in a cube of a square shelving unit. End ID.]

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

biggest suspension of disbelief in TV and movies is when the narrative tells you that a character is plain/ugly/unattractive but theyre all cast with hollywood actors in perfect hollywood makeup so the actual gap between them and the 'hot' characters is a spot the difference game.