Stuff I learned as an adult after the abusive childhood:
a person isn't 'living in the past' or 'refusing to let it go' if they want to recall or discuss something that happened beforehand, or even many years ago. There aren't any events that are bad to recall or discuss, we all reflect sometimes and need more information, maybe a resolution. It is not a morally wrong to bring something up, especially if it hurt you.
being sick is not 'seeking attention' or 'being a burden', it's a morally neutral thing to do. Everyone gets sick, nobody is to blame for being sick, nobody does it on purpose, it's inevitable as humans. Needing care when you're sick is not worthy of bashing or shaming. Neutral human part of life.
There are no actual standards for who is allowed to express emotion, cry, or be openly upset and scared. All humans get it, it happens to all of us. Publicly freaking out is not humiliation worthy, it's not something to be degraded over. Any normal person responds with reassurance and soothing, anything else is neglect or an attack in the moment of vulnerability.
Asking questions is always allowed, and it doesn't make someone a nuisance. Nobody is expected to get information out of thin air, and the only way to get it is to ask. If someone is asking it shows their intent to learn. Degrading someone for 'not already knowing' is punishing that desire to learn, denying the info and making sure it isn't requested again. You are not revealing ignorance if you ask, you're saying you want to know. Normal people like being asked questions because you're telling them that you consider them smart and want to learn from them.
Your intent being misread in the negative way doesn't mean you have to defend yourself or prove that your intentions are pure. It's a probe to see if you'll respond defensively, to find out if it hurts you to be percieved in an awful way, and to stop you from doing whatever you were doing. You never have to give the benefit of the doubt to someone who takes your very clear actions and assumes you are doing it all to cause harm and suffering. That person didn't misunderstand, they are looking for vulnerabilities and control. Just say 'yep thats me' and it tells them they failed. People with good intentions can see your actions for what they are.
A person overwhelmed with daily tasks or their work or having a hard time just getting through the day, is not an indication if this individual being weak or pathetic. It doesn't mean they're bad in any way, or not living their life correctly. It doesn't make them a failure. It casts no implications to their personality or chatacter. It means what they're dealing with is debilitating. It's taking all the pleasure, joy, ease, comfort and calm out of their life. That's a person having a traumatic time living and deserves help and reassurance, time to figure it out, rest, comfort. It doesn't matter that everyone be as productive as possible. It's more important everyone has peace, comfort, safety, a way forward.
