I saw you made a post before about how you didnt know how carers are supposed to act can you maybe give some points about it because i might need one soon and im wondering whats good and bad
Honestly I’m still figuring it out, but here are some things I think I’ve figured out so far:
- carers should not act like you are a massive inconvenience if you need help/ ask for something to be done differently
- carers are not your friend while they are at work. They can be friendly and you can be friendly back, but they aren’t your friend while at work. Again this can be tricky, and I have one carer who I’m now friends (and colleagues) with, but there are important differences. When they were still my carer there were different social rules.
-if you go to a group or event a carer should be in the background unless you’ve specified otherwise. I once went to a trans group with a cis carer who spoke (a lot) during a group discussion. This was absolutely not okay. I really struggled with this at first because it would be so rude to do this in other forms of relationships. Becoming okay with this and insistent on it has improved my life so much.
- carers don’t get a say in what you do, wear, or go unless that is part of their job (say if you need help to tell what clothes are appropriate for the weather). This is a big difference between friends and carers. If I’m going somewhere with a friend they might suggest alternatives they find more fun, a carer shouldn’t do this.
- carers should respect that they are in your home/ life. So they shouldn’t leave their stuff all over your house, even if they stay for several days at a time. They shouldn’t move things without you asking. I have a room in my house where my carers stay overnight, and a designated cupboard in the kitchen/ shelf on the fridge and I expect their things to stay in those spaces.
That’s what I can think of off the top of my head. Anyone who has a carer is free to add to this.
-keep track of their responsibilities, you should not have to remind them everything that needs to be done every single time
-not flake, especially getting meds bringing to appointments helping with forms etc
-be patient with you
- should communicate clearly, ahead of time, their own needs and availability, without judgement towards you
- should not act defensive when you ask for something
- should remain calm and still help you, as needed and with consent, when you are triggered
- should not take pictures of you, your home, or your pets unless you specifically ask them to (ex so you can see what's in your fridge, check a wound you can't see), and should delete those photos ASAP if taken with a device that isn't yours
- should be alert and ready to help the whole shift. SOBER.
- should be understanding and receptive when you try to communicate with them, especially around boundaries that may seem unconventional to them
- should not struggle to be on the same page as you when you try to tell them to stop or give you space (ex if you freeze up and become unresponsive, they should be trying to check in with you, not continuing to touch you...)
- should be comfortable with both complete silence and lots of chatter
- should be able to roll with your worst moods
- should not be lovebombing you (getting you random gifts frequently, constantly saying how pretty you are, calling you pet names, being overly touchy outside of what's needed for care)
- should not act cold or spurned if you don't match their energy/friendliness
- should not lecture you on how you manage your care (if you manage it), your life, what you eat, who you make friends with, how you hire people (if you hire people), etc.
- should not share "funny stories" or names of their other clients with you (if they do, this means they're sharing your private life with others too)
- should not go behind your back to ask about your disability
- should commit to memory the way you want or need things organized in your living space and stick to that, instead of what's easiest for them
- should not make fun of you or joke about your disability (unless you've established a dynamic with them where you're okay with that, but they definitely shouldn't be like that right out the gate)
