should've joined myspace

*tastes potion like a chef testing the soup* hm. needs more eye of newt.

this is hilarious + its even funnier if u kno that eye of newt is probably mustard seed

so who else was today years old when they learned that “eye of newt” is mustard seed and not the literal eye of a newt or am i just dumb

no wonder my potions never work the way they should

I got shut down by a historian once after a presentation for making a joke about a medical remedy from 1600s Salem calling for Dragon’s blood, which is apparently an herb

[puts several things in my coat pockets] inventory

Straight up thought this was a herd of tiny brachiosaurs crossing the sidewalk 

They do move in herds.

god grant me the serenity to do it to em

and the courage to accept that i had to

shes trying to ask you to mushroom prom…

I’m glad he clarified tbh

guys please stop griefing me when i fast travel to walmart. i respawn like 40 miles from my house its fucking awful

jack had absolutely no right to go this hard