pipedream

wound dressings and bandages are lingerie for the enlightened pervert

everyone needs to stop having sex youre supposed to jerk off to your concepts face down in your dark bedroom

It was a clitorical question

murder suicide is awesome to me bc its like annnnnd im coming with you

wanna hang out [remembers it's rude to put expectations on people] it's cool if not [remembers people like to know they're wanted] but I'd really like it if you did [remembers selfishness is bad] we can do whatever you want though [remembers that handing someone a blank canvas isn't as effective as providing a suggestion to bounce ideas off of] like sucking each others fingers for example

we talk a lot about how much of a revelation andrew’s confession is for neil, and not enough about how revelatory neil’s reaction is for andrew. because like. imagine you like this boy. but he doesn’t swing. you know the answer would be “no,” so there’s no point in even asking. then he goes and gets himself needlessly tortured for you, and tells you there’s no amount of suffering he wouldn’t endure for you. not because he thinks you’re weak, but because he thinks you’re worth protecting. he says things that you would interpret as advances if it were literally anyone else. you remind yourself that he doesn’t swing. now you’re at eden’s and he’s asking about your feelings for him in 12 different ways. he really wants to know. so you tell him, in the most casual and crass way you can, thinking that’ll put an end to it. but unfathomably, it doesn’t. he asks you why you didn’t tell him. why would you have? it would have been a “no.” you say that, and instead of confirming it, he just echoes your words, clearly still reeling. you start to leave, and he tells you that he wants to keep playing your game. while the absence of a “no” is obviously not the same thing as a “yes,” you’ve been operating for months and months under the assumption that the answer would be unequivocal. so you keep waiting for that answer, but it never comes. for the first time since you met him, you wonder if maybe it’s not a “no” after all. if maybe you could have this. you can’t remember the last time you were able to have something you wanted. the world tilting on its axis, indeed.

a moment of your attention, WHAT THE FUCK?? I genuinely thought my brain had made this up as a joke, but now I have actual proof, and WHAT THE FUCK 2.0?? so you’re telling me that in Exites, Andrew covered Neil’s mouth with his hand just so he wouldn’t kiss him?? SECOND BOOK? and he’s already ready to devour him, pinning him against the wall with those stupid racquets??? ANDREW. WHAT THE FUCK. dear Exites, please install security cameras in your store. I need the footage.

Neil noticing Jean was into Renee after a few brief moments at the banquet I know Andrew was sick oh that you noticed but when I, Andrew Minyard….

A little thing I headcannon is that Andrew never asks where Neil is. Neil is CONSTANTLY asking where Andrew is if he hasn’t seen him for approximately 0.5 seconds and even Jean notices how they give “lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long”, but Andrew never asks, wanting conceal to the others how much Neil is a weak spot for him. Instead, his eyes slide across the room, scanning, and if he can’t see Neil then Andrew simply gets up and goes in search of him, he knows all of his spots anyways. The foxes, initially just put Andrew’s abrupt leave up to his blatantly disrespectful self, deciding he wasn’t interested enough in the conversation, so they don’t really care. However, that isn’t until they notice the pattern. First, Renee, then Dan and Aaron, and soon the others catch on. They observe the way Andrew’s fingers start tapping at his sides when his head swivels round and cannot find his specific ginger. They observe the way he gets up immediately and strides towards the door. They also observe the way Andrew hands still slightly as Matt says, “he’s on a run” or Kevin tells him Neil’s just practicing on the court. Andrew doesn’t acknowledge it openly of course, he never asked and would’ve been able to find him himself easily, but they all don’t miss the way his head lowers for a second, giving a subtle nod, placated by the fact someone always knows where Neil is. I guess they all know the alternative, when his hands were shaking, wrapped round Kevin’s neck in Baltimore. He didn’t ask, “Where’s Neil?”, he screamed it. And the others didn’t know. And Andrew couldn’t find him.