ALL THE SPOILERS ARE TRUE AND JUST AS ABJECTLY RIDICULOUS IN CONTEXT AS THEY SOUND OUT OF CONTEXT, H O W E V E R, ALL THE SPOILERS NEGLECTED TO MENTION THAT: 

a) everything Scorpius Malfoy says and does will make you want to strap on armour and charge into battle for love of him, 

b) one of Scorpius’s first lines is ‘I’ve always regarded the Pepper Imp as the king of the confectionary bag’, which renders the whole Everyone Thinks Scorpius Is Voldemort’s Son subplot/mystery UTTERLY UNNECESSARY because OF COURSE THIS RIDICULOUS CHILD IS THE FRUIT OF DRACO MALFOY’S LOINS, 

c) Draco gets some weighty shit to say/is just Redemption Arc AF all the way through, so 

d) HAZ AND DRAZ MAKE FRIENDS and 

e) Draco gets to join The Gang for World-Saving Hijinks, which means 

f) some scenes are DRARRY AF AS FUCK, but mainly 

g) everything about this play will make you Team Malfoy Forever, holy shit, like, wtf, 

h) at one point Harry and Draco are duelling and Draco goes ‘Keep up, old man’ and Harry’s like ‘WE’RE THE SAME AGE, DRACO’ which made me laugh so hard I had to put the book down for a good five minutes, 

i) it also bears mentioning that RON AND HERMIONE ARE IN LOVE IN EVERY TIMELINE, god bless @whoever the hell wrote this thing, 

j) speaking of whoever wrote this thing, they took the whole ‘Harry couldn’t really hear the commentary during the first Triwizard Task very well from his position in the Champions’ Tent’ and handed us Ludo Bagman yelling DOG DIGGITY, CEDRIC DIGGORY, YOU ARE A DOGGY DYNAMO! which I will be forever thankful for, 

k) Albus and Scorpius make their great escape off the Hogwarts Express while it’s in motion and the trolley witch turns into a terrifying Immortal Guardian of the Train and hurls explosive pasties at them, while casually dropping into the admittedly weird conversation that Fred’n’George and the Marauders all tried to get off the train while it was moving, EMPHASIS ON ‘TRIED’, 

l) turns out my SCORP LAD WOT LAD “joke” was completely inaccurate as, world-ending and illegal shenanigans aside, Scorpius and Albus are BORING NERDS, but 

m) their entire relationship is a personification of the ‘I would follow you to the ends of the earth with only mild complaining’ text post, and 

n) I am 100% positive that by the time they turn 16 they will be Experimenting and Laughing It Off while also Staring Wistfully At Each Other While The Other One’s Not Paying Attention, because oh my god, they are completely smitten with each other, LITERALLY, 

o) when plot things happen and Harry won’t let them see each other anymore, there’s an ENTIRE MONTAGE of them being DESOLATE AND DISTRAUGHT, the word “heartbroken” is used about both of them, Draco bursts into Harry and Ginny’s house like ‘MY SON IS IN TEARS POTTER, WTF’, it’s all very Fraught and Forbidden Romance-y, and when they’re allowed to be friends again they’re like ‘you’re… the best person I know… you… make me stronger…’ ‘…!! … that’s so nice… I didn’t like my life without you in it… !!!’ and then Albus tells Scorpius he’s kind from the depths of his belly to the tips of his fingers which is the most ROMANTIC SHIT I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE, ALBUS POTTER GOT GAME SON, but anyway, they’re in love, fight me, WHAT ELSE? 

p) Harry does all the cooking, 

q) Draco gets excited about a farmer’s market, 

r) Ron is the fucking best person on planet earth, probably, 

s) Harry and Draco burst into Slytherin and try to get up to the dormitory to find Albus and Scorpius and this one kid is yelling at them like ‘PARENTS AREN’T ALLOWED IN THE HOUSE COMMON ROOMS WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF-’ and McGonagall just appears and says ‘Please don’t be tiresome, Craig’ and honestly if I was Craig I’d never show my face again, 

t) I forgot to mention that in the weird Voldemort Day Blood Ball Scorpion King AU Scorpius gets to talk to Snape and blah blah blah plot Snape is giving him a pep talk like ‘Think about Albus. You’re giving up your kingdom for Albus, right? One person. All it takes is one person.’ which is just… indescribably romo, and 

u) in the Voldemort Day Blood Ball Scorpion King AU dark Draco Malfoy is still better at dadding than regular timeline Harry Potter, which I don’t think any of us saw coming, 

v) Harry asks Draco what he wanted to do as a grown-up when he was a kid and Draco says ‘Quidditch. But I wasn’t good enough. Mainly I wanted to be happy.’ which is honestly just fucking savage and I can’t believe I lived through it, ALSO I had to read the line ‘It is exceptionally lonely, being Draco Malfoy’ with my own eyes, so I’m taking tomorrow off work, 

w) this incredibly soul-baring and candid convo comes on the heels of HARRY COMING FOR DUMBLEDORE(’S PORTRAIT) ABOUT HOW DUMBLEDORE TREATED HARRY AND I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE. he yells at Dumbledore until Dumbledore is LITERALLY WEEPING. I don’t even want to tell you what he says because you all need to experience that moment of cleansing rightness in your lives, 

x) despite all the batshit plot things, the play actually deals with all the characters’ traumas FAR BETTER than the series ever did. we get actual GINNY and TOM RIDDLE shit in this play guys! it gets talked about! how it affected Ginny gets talked about! Harry has nightmares! Harry vents his feelings! Draco tells Harry about how alone he felt and how that sent him to such a bad place! Draco, Ginny and Harry understand each other and bond over shared trauma! who the fuck expected this! not fucking me! 

y) I was emotional as hell throughout because I’m nothing if not dramatic but there’s a bit towards the very end involving HAGRID, THE BEST DUDE, that legit made me sob my little heart out from the agony of two decades’ worth of accumulated feelings about this series, 

I’ve received a lot of hate messages today on here. It’s odd for me because I generally never get much hate, considering all the people I like to think I’ve helped. Instead of responding to anyone, I figured I would put a little spin on it and tell you guys a story.

I grew up with a kid named Justin. Although he was a couple years older than me, we played sports in the backyard extremely competitively, and we were always trashing each-other about going pro haha. Who was gonna do it first. Who was gonna ultimately win and get their face on a video game cover. It was always soccer, hockey, or baseball. Whatever it was, somebody just had to always win.

Fast forward to middle school, high-school… We never grew out of it. Justin got hated on because he was ‘cocky’ and ‘self absorbed’ because he told people one day he was going to be a pro basketball player haha. He believed in himself to a crazy degree. It didn’t really matter what he did. He would go pro.

At my school, I was always struggling to keep up through injury, but I was the same way. It didn’t matter what. I would have told you I would go pro in pogo-sticking if I wanted to. Neither of us were necessarily superstars, both were extremely grounded, and both worked a lot harder than anybody I’ve ever met. I went off to kick soccer balls and entered the downward spiral that you guys know of.

Justin got a little scholarship to a smaller school in Michigan to play football of all things. A small tight end who only had a few passes thrown his way. It wasn’t for him. He gave up there, and came home to deliver pizzas in our little town called Pewaukee. He was saving up money, because he wanted to pay for one semester, walk on at UW-Madison, and take a shot at maybe getting a scholarship on the football team. Attending community college after telling everyone in high school about his big ambitions, he was mocked, laughed at, ridiculed, made fun of, and received even more hate for still being ‘cocky’ about himself. He was a pizza boy attending community college, telling people that he was gonna be a pro football player. His own manager even laughed at him and said, “good luck buddy!” as he laughed hysterically.

Two years later, JJ Watt, the pizza delivery boy, was drafted into the NFL, in the first round actually. He then went on to sign a $100,000,000 contract, and will probably be one of the most valuable assets in all of sports, within the next few years. In under 5 years, he went from $8 an hour, to signing a contract for one hundred million dollars. Defensive player of the year. Without a doubt he is the most valuable defensive player in the NFL.

I guess he won.

The moral of the story is that JJ never stopped believing in himself. Through constant hate, ridicule, and even in-person mockery, he knew in his SOUL, that he was going to make it. He said it when he was a kid, and he never stopped believing it when he grew up.

I however, did. I’m not saying I would have been a big time pro athlete, but I am saying that I’ll never know what could have been. I gave up, and I’ll never make that mistake again. I believe in myself, and I believe in what I’m doing. I may not be a huge NFL athlete, but I believe that I will change the entire world, and even change how it works. We change lives, we move mountains, and we have already done amazing things that are raising some major eyebrows in the world of fitness. We are just getting started.

Once your find your purpose, protect it. Hold it tight because it’s all you have. People will pick, poke, and take stabs at you, every second, of every day. They want a piece of yours, because they haven’t found theirs, and never will. Don’t lose your grip. Don’t even address the pain these cowards try to cause you.

Something to think about…

Maybe the hardships in dream chasing, aren’t really all that hard. Maybe the struggle comes from allowing the picking and the poking to get inside. Do what you want to do. Do it for you. If you’re crazy enough to actually convince yourself that you CAN do something, I’m telling you that you can. Maybe it just starts with a little self belief. So do the extra reps, work the extra hours, put in the extra time. More importantly, put some extra time into YOU.

Aubrey is more than over qualified to write a workout program lol my goodness. She’s beyond versed in all kinds of workout types and has helped millions of of people around the world when they come to her for fitness and life advice 100,000,000 times a day. Why is this any different?

Aubrey wrote the go program to help guide people to crush effective workouts from literally anywhere in under 30 minutes or less. Trust me when I tell you that much more goes into making a workout program of this caliber than a certification…

How will customers adapt to the new style? How do we keep them from quitting? How hard can we push each workout? How do we make variations to lighten the load? How do we make it challenging? How do we make it FUN? Where do we implement tips? What needs an in depth demonstration? How many video angles do we need? Will the customer understand the layout? When do we rest? How many days? How many phases? How do we simplify it? How do we only use body weight and simple equipment to yield real changes?

All those questions are answered by somebody with heaps of experience, and willingness to understand all types of people. 9 times out of 10 a certified trainer is very smart and knowledgable, but is clueless when it comes to making something turn key that actually can benefit customers. Aubrey has a shit ton of experience with at home and on the go workouts, making this a NO BRAINER.

We took what Aubrey wrote (as is), and I sat down with her for a week+ in Wisconsin, making tweaks and changes. I bounced ideas off her, she argued or accepted changes, and we put together something both myself and her are VERY proud of.

We then tested every single exercise in the program from start to finish (with 5other people from my company, 5 family members, and 2 older age group test helpers) as we wrote the program and made micro adjustments along the way.

Then we went to design and layout. Putting something together that again answers more of the above questions. Even her input here was huge. How can we adapt our current style for a beginner? How can we simplify the already simple madness and make this as straight forward as possible. Quick. On the fly.

Aubrey is not a certified trainer, but she’s extremely qualified. I would not put my name and the crush brand reputation behind this if it wasn’t 100% up to my standards.

With ALL of that said…

Go buy or sample 25 workouts from certified trainers by scanning the hashtag #NPC or #PersonalTrainer on instaglam. Let us know if you prefer those #experts or Aubrey’s go guide, which is backed, tested, and developed 100% in conjunction with Crush and myself.

Also, we encourage our customers to simply try out the free sample when it comes out. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you! Workout guides are only as good as the customers willingness to continue doing them day after day. If everybody quits the worlds best program by the worlds smartest most certified and qualified PHD expert because it’s not for you, then what good is it really doing?

Even our entire customer support staff at Crush is certified 😂😂. OUR SOCIAL MEDIA people have a certification.

Oh, and the programs and developed and backed by our Crush gym franchise training staff, led by my head trainer and manager with 4 fitness and nutrition certifications… OH AND a masters degree in kinesiology!