luminyas

"i love you," they say - only to call you annoying the next second. "you’re so important to me…” - sure. only when they need something. other than that, your absence doesn’t really matter. "i like talking to you!” - yeah, that explains no response for 7 days straight.

people’s words are empty, nothing more than some sort of currency they use to buy another’s time and affection. they just get what they want and vanish away, leaving the other person hurt and broken to the point where they believe hiding in the safety of their bed for weeks if not months is the best thing to do.

rafayel keeps repeating it to himself, over and over again, as if reminding himself of the pain can help him hurt less.

never trust people. don’t get too close. they will just use you and hurt you. don’t do that to yourself - know better than to trust them ever again.

never trust people. they’re all the same.

….except for you.

you, who shows up in his studio in random moments just because you want to hang out with him. you, who teases him every time he can’t win the claw machine game but hugs him better in the end no matter what the result was. you, who is holding his hand during the walks on the seashore and looks at him like he’s your whole world, the centre of the universe and the only one you truly want.

and every time you do that… rafayel finally knows.

Also taking this as a time to appreciate how you make titles after songs AND the part with the parenthesis always gets me!! 💗💗

hi!! thank you so much omg 🥺🥺 i love i just wanna keep calling your name too, i have the second part in my wips but because of how busy life has been for me i wasn’t able to write much recently 🫩 plus i was a bit scared of "what if the second part won’t be as good” but ahhh yes so many caleb wips… so slowly they will come to life, hopefully.

perhaps, you should be used to his way of teasing you by now. he's always accidentally touching you right where he knows you're particularly sensitive or staring from across the couch right at you. his eyes are unusually sharp, then, dark with an emotion that resembles hunger.

perhaps, you should know better than to trust a merman. perhaps, you should stop yourself years ago when you were slowly but surely getting lured in by his charm.

and yet, you can't find it in yourself to regret it. not even right now when rafayel is trying to tease you again.

your eyes remain glued to the screen of your laptop but you can feel rafayel staring at you. the intensity of his gaze almost burns; and it takes everything in you to play your role and pretend that you're unaffected when all you want to do is to hide. you know rafayel is just messing with you... but for some reason you can't quite explain, it feels almost as if he's a predator, observing his prey - just watching and waiting for the right moment to attack. to devour.

still, when his touch comes, it's soft. feather-light, almost.

you hold in a breath as mindlessly, rafayel starts trailing his fingers along your bare thighs while he’s pretending that he's doing something on his phone. it would look real, almost...

...if not for the sly little smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

every time your body tenses ever so slightly, he knows how much he’s affecting you. he is aware that it takes everything in you to stay still when all you crave is to kiss him senseless and make him stop teasing you because you need so much more than just that–

your brain goes blank when you feel rafayel's fingers sneak their way up your exposed thigh. it's slow; achingly so. you know that if you whine and call rafayel out for being mean, he will only feign ignorance like he wasn’t purposely trying to get you all worked up. so you stay still...

...until his fingers graze the hem of your shorts.

this is all it takes for your composure to shatter completely. before you can rethink your decisions, your thighs press together.

"aha! caught you."

rafayel's whisper flutters on the sensitive skin of your neck, his hand still lingering between your. your heart skips a beat, your breath hitches. you swallow as his arm sneaks over your waist, dragging you towards his chest until you're caged in his arms.

maybe, you should feel bad that you get so, so needy. it was just a mere touch and a simple longing stare, after all. maybe, you should try to fight against your feelings and act more nonchalant like many other people do.

but when rafayel presses a hot open-mouthed kiss against the side of your neck, you know you're not the only one who's shameless. not when he wants - needs - you to be more greedy with him.

it's more an instinct than a rational decision - after all, rafayel doesn't do anything bad. it's just... after countless bad experiences and relationships that drained you, it's hard to believe in true love once it shows up.

you know rafayel's intentions are pure. you can feel that his heartbeat resembles the sound of your name. you are aware of it all... and yet, you still hesitate each time he gets a little bit too close.

you're just scared; and you know it. words of your past lovers calling you too much and too broken, asking you what's wrong with you once the doubt clouded your mind and fear started to claw under your skin.

you just needed reassurance, some tender attention. you just craved a little bit of love. is that so wrong? does that turn you into a monster?

perhaps, you are one. perhaps, this is why you keep on hurting rafayel now.

guilt gnaws at you, making your head spin with worries. it hurts. you're so terrified of feeling this pain again that you can't open up. you can't come to rafayel and confess that your heart is too heavy for anyone to handle, and you will only end up hurting him more and more–

a warm pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind. the faint scent of sea breeze and vanilla fills your senses, causing your heartbeat to slow down ever so slightly.

rafayel is here. he sees you in your worst crying form... and doesn't leave.

quite the opposite, he treats you like you're a fragile little treasure in the palm of his hands. you suck in a breath as he turns you around to look at you properly, his eyes - focused yet ever so gentle - scan your features, searching for any trace of pain hiding within. his thumb runs over your cheek. your eyes flutter shut.

"it's okay." rafayel whispers softly, tenderly. "i'm here, yeah? nothing's gonna hurt you, baby. i will protect you, just stay right here."

slowly, you take a deep breath. your fingers instinctively curl on the material on his shirt, more an instinct than a rational thought.

"but i am–"

"i will want you no matter what you become. in every shape or form, you are the one i love."

something about rafayel's words - maybe it's the hint of desperation in his voice, maybe it's the way he looks at you as if losing you is his greatest fear - makes you freeze.

a second passes, then another.

it started, like many things do, in an innocent way. you were running together through an orchard full of blooming apple trees, your palms tightly pressed together and your laughter echoing in the warm summer air.

in some dreams, caleb chased you in the flower fields until he caught you and the two of you fell down - your limbs tangled together and lips moving against each other. in others, you were playing in the sea and laughing like the whole world doesn't exist.

sometimes, you tug him by his hand so he comes closer to you. sometimes, you call out caleb's name and tell him that he's the best gege you could ever wish for.

gege... your gege...

this is all he'll ever be to you... right?

nonetheless, those dreams are peaceful and nice, soothing all the jagged edges of his heart– so everything was good. amazing, even.

...until somewhere between a dream about ribbons in your hair and kissing the apples of your cheeks, caleb's dreams became different. darker, hungrier.

he dreams of having you pinned underneath his body, bare and arching into him. your soft lips bitten red, your nails digging into his back until it hurts. your breathless pleas - asking him to slow down or begging him to take you harder, caleb can't be quite sure when it feels so good. it's addictive, almost; so much that even after waking up, you still haunt him.

every time you pass him by, all he can hear is your choked moans and muffled whines. all he can think about is the expression you had on your face in your dream when he was thrusting into you, burying himself all the way inside your tight–

"gege, look how pretty this dress is!" you run towards him with a bright smile. you twirl around, toying with the edges of the baby blue fabric that overs your thighs.

caleb swallows. his eyes darken with desire, heavy and simmering in the pit of his stomach, that for some reason is achingly similar to hunger. dark and odd, threatening to swallow him whole any given minute. even then, though, nothing would be quite enough to fullfil it.

the dress is pretty, you say. for caleb, though, it's far from enough. because for him, right now - spinning in your cute little dress with a smile that could light up his entire world - you are almost like a demon, luring him in to sin. making him break all the rules and just finally cross the line of no return.

"...yeah." he forces out a sweet boyish chuckle you love so much, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips. it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "you are truly the prettiest, meimei."

the prettiest demon. his sweetest temptation.

enjoy 💕

it's that helpless feeling, he thinks, that makes him react like that. even after all this time, he still remembers it all too well; how you cried, sobbing about how much it hurts.. and he couldn't do anything about it.

now the echoes of your demons haunt him, too.

'it hurts so much, raf... i don't– i can't do it anymore. i can't... please...'

even a mere thought about it makes something inside rafayel's stomach to drop, an uncomfortable sensation wrapping around his throat until breathing hurts.

he swallows the, but it does nothing to make the lump in his throat to go away.

rafayel knows that maybe, just maybe, he's thinking too much about it. after all, emotions are like an ocean - deep and dangerous, and it's so easy for a precious little fishie like you to drown in them. even the sea god himself has gone through so many emotional ups and downs (mostly downs. yeah. definitively mostly downs.) and has many moments when he thought the colors his life used to have once upon a time would never come back.

now, too, it hurts. the bond makes him feel everything you experience– and rafayel doesn't blame you for feeling bad, he would never do that. it's just... he wishes - hopelessly, foolishly - he could ease your pain, somehow. just so your heart can be at ease.

back when going outside and trying to live like everyone else do felt almost impossible for him... what was the thing that kept him going?

his lashes flutter shut as he takes a slow, deep breath. seconds melt together into a moment in time.

and yet, the only thing that comes to his mind is you.

the way your eyes gleam in the faint moonlight when you smile and the shy flush on your cheeks that makes his heart flutter. your hand fitting right into his, just like your body does when he pulls you into one of those seemingly-never-ending hugs that always make you laugh and whine his name like an oath.

...can he be the one you think of when you're feeling down? will holding onto you and making sure you know how much he loves you be enough to mend the broken pieces of your heart together? if he kisses your forehead and repeats the endless love stories that mirror your own, will that cheer you up somehow? should he win 100 different plushies for you to have more cuddle-buddies?

one thing's for sure - even if it takes 800 years for you to feel better, rafayel will always love you, no matter what new version of yourself you might become.

you're sitting on your bed now, curled up in blankets and a big fluffy hoodie - his hoodie - while complaining on his bad habits. apparently, you think you've gained weight because of him. or rather, because caleb cooks too much food for you and spoils you too much with sweet treats.

well, maybe there is some truth in it. he can't lie and say he doesn't enjoy seeing your eyes light up the moment you put one of his handmade choco chip cookies into your mouth. he's guilty of that much.

but still... is it that bad? even if the numbers on the scales change a bit, you're still you. his pipsqueak. his precious meimei. the girl he's been in love with his whole life and desires more than anything else.

maybe there's just something wrong with caleb, though– actually, caleb thinks something must be awfully wrong with him - and that’s why he’s losing his mind every time he looks your way.

'i gained weight' - you say; but all caleb can see is round cheeks that make him want to bite you. same with your legs, except for the fact that he wouldn't call them cute. quite the opposite, actually. it takes everything in him not to grab you by the ankle, tug you closer and just bury his face between your thighs. or make you sit on his face... yeah. that would be nice.

caleb's hips twitch at the idea. something hot and molten spreads throughout his body as his eyes slowly scan your body, noticing the smallest changes.

your hair are a bit messy, your lips pouted out. it seems that your breasts are getting a bit bigger too... caleb's eyes linger on your chest, imagining how beautiful you would look underneath him - bare and all his - without all these useless layers of clothing. even now he can tell that your breasts look perfect to kiss and cover with his bitemarks. and if he sucks on them–

"caleb! are you even listening to me?"

the sound of your moody huff makes him look up, eyes flickering up to meet yours. he bites his lip, his tongue flicking out to lick it. his breaths get slower as his chest heavies with something stronger than pure lust. something more similar to hunger; one that can never be quelled.

he inhales, slowly and deeply, before he forces a small cheeky boyish smile - the one that makes his eyes turn into crescent moons - that he knows you love more than anything else.

"...yeah, of course i do. have your gege ever lied to you?"

maybe you don't believe it. you probably know him better than to do it.

omg hiiii 🥺 welcome! first of all, thank you so much for leaving the message in my inbox! i really appreciate it! ❤️

second of all, ahhh xiaolumi. my beloved xiaolumi. they'e so precious to me that i could write an essay about it. honestly, they are the reason i started to post anything at all online almost 5 years ago - and now after 5 years i am still very much in love with them. i used to joke that i will still write xiaolumi fics when i will be 40 years old. and if you only knew how many wips of fics i have for them.... 😭 like, over a 100 for sure 😶‍🌫️

the only thing that's holding me back from writing about them as much as i would want to is the real life outside of writing (i remember posting regularly 2 fics per month, i miss it so much oh god but life is cruel (the ao3 writer curse is real)) and that weird kind of melancholy of knowing how little crumbs we're getting of xiaolumi and even xiao himself. back in my day we used to get something from hoyo every month 🥲 now it's just me waiting for anything liyue-related and xiao letters. it's a bit sad, like the light got sucked out of the game itself for me. so i'm just yearning for xiaolumi the way xiao and lumine yearn for each other when she's away!!! 🙏

again - thank you so much for your words! nothing makes me happier than knowing that people enjoy what i create, the emotions i put in my fics and the characterization of the characters and my style... it makes me want to create even more and more beatiful fics in the future as well!

my new fic is now !!here!!