I should go to bed.

There should be a napoleon in every generation. Like the dalai lama. French revolutionary monks searching the countryside with a group of artillerymen which each candidate child must attempt to command

I am losing my shit

everyone trying to get me in the uber

My cat Nosse had tooth surgery, and had a very strong reaction to the drugs given so he was high as a kite for a lot longer than expected. Apparently he was so desperately cuddly for people that they put him around the neck of one of the nurses doing paperwork, and he just hung there for an hour, purring like a chainsaw, drooling on her shoulder.

A Yemeni coffee place opened up near me and it's got me waxing poetic and wistuflly about the degradation of coffee shops as third spaces. It's sooooo pretty and bright in there and they do the classic Turkish coffee service with the pretty little pots (the pot is called a cezve!) and even though I got my little iced mofawar to go I was like, "Wrow. The cultivation of coffee and existence in a space as a singular experience for its own sake." Like because we're in capitalist hell it makes sense that like, Starbucks would make this slide from styling itself as a third space to essentially being a Caffeine Gas Station choked by mobile orders (as Stephen Colbert put it: A Public Restroom that Sells Cake Pops) but now when you step into a cafe that like... is actually designed for you to hang out in, you get this jarring realization of "Oh this used to be more broadly accessible. There used to be more places like this."

Everyone stop and read this thread about the most insane parts of Star Wars canon.

when a girl has a gut <333

Today’s favorite customer: eight-year-old girl wearing head-to-toe pink (magenta leggings, pastel pink sundress, bubblegum pink sunglasses and hat) purchasing pink DnD dice.

Accidentally bought my cat cantrip instead of catnip and now she’s casting eldritch blast at me from the overlook of her cat tree while demanding wet food only

I love chain lightening what a classic spell. fuck you and you and you and you and you and

It is so fucking funny to me how easily scandalized some people are wym callout post for a cannibalism kink. Grow up. This is the nothingburger leagues and you're throwing up in the stands

It’s actually the peopleburger leagues

Blocking for being funnier than me

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

no mi circo no mis feratus