A lot of us have been stuck in toxic relationships. If you havenât, I envy you. When people hear about toxic relationships, a lot of them automatically assume those to be romantic relationships. This morning I was reading an article about toxic friendships and how some people ended them.
Trying to let go of someone who is a best friend is tough. Iâve had quite a few toxic friendships end. Most of them ended dramatically, unfortunately. I had a BFF, weâll call her A, many years ago. We went to art school together. She was a semester ahead of me but our program was small so the classes all knew each other. We werenât close in school, but after we both graduated we ended up working together. We didnât get to talk too much and after I had been there for a few months, she left. We kept in touch on Myspace (this is how long ago this happened). My 21st birthday was approaching and we made plans to hang out. We became close after that and our friendship blossomed. She was my go-to whenever I had any problems, she always had my back when other friends turned against me, she was my person. in 2006-2007 we both had shitty jobs. We would text each other all day about how much we hated our jobs. In June 2007, she got an interview for a position in our field of study. I drove her to the interview because she didnât have her license yet. The people she interviewed with told her they were looking to hire more than one designer so if she knew anyone please recommend them. She told them I was also a designer and I got an interview as well. We both ended up getting the job. For a while it was AWESOME working together. After about a year, our bosses promoted us both to assistant managers and this is where things started getting rocky. Everything turned into a competition with her. It was like she was trying to prove she was a better manager than me. I think bosses realized it and ignored it. It started having a negative impact on our friendship outside of work.
I found myself constantly overthinking anything I had to say to her because any time I said something that would upset her, she wouldnât react to it until months later. By then I had forgotten whatever it was I had said or done. I could tell when she was upset with me. She would write a nasty entry in her Livejournal, or post something on Facebook. They were always vague but I KNEW they were about me. Each time she did this Iâd have to go running to her asking what was wrong. I told her I knew her posts were about me because she would treat me like shit to my face or completely ignore me. Whenever I asked her what was wrong she would say âwell you said thisâ âyou did that and it upset meâ. Some of whatever upset I remember doing or saying but months had passed. I told her first and foremost, I would NEVER intentionally say or do anything to upset her on purpose, and asked why she didnât say anything when it first happened? She would say that she doesnât like confrontation and just forgot about it until something made her remember it. I told her to PLEASE just talk to me. I didnât care how she did it, email, phone call, face to face, whatever she was comfortable with. I donât like confrontation either but when thereâs an issue that needs to be addressed, itâs better to get it over with instead of dragging it out. This went on for about a year or 2. I got really fed up with it in 2010.
Somewhere around November, she stopped talking to me altogether. She would post really nasty shit on Facebook and mutual friends of ours would ask me whatâs going on? At first I had no idea because, IâM NOT A FUCKING MIND READER, so I would check her Facebook and read her posts. I told our mutual friends that her posts were most likely about me because she gets mad at me for dumb shit that I said or did months ago. I was tired of chasing after her. I told her NUMEROUS times to talk to me if she was upset with me and she never did. She continued her childish behavior so I cut her off. Even though we worked together, it was still possible. I blocked her on all social media accounts. She thinks I did it because, in her mind, sheâs right and Iâm wrong and I donât want to admit it so I blocked her. in REALITY, I blocked her because I got sick of seeing her nasty, immature, childish posts about hating someone while Iâm sitting 7 fucking feet away from her. If she canât grow a set and tell me shit to my face, I donât want to see it on Facebook. I told our mutual friends I blocked her and to stop telling me what she posts. If she wants me to know so bad she can tell me to my face. She NEVER did. She would just act like a complete asshole at work. Coming in late, leaving early, calling out a lot. Bosses finally got fed up with it and fired her. I didnât find out right away because I ended up getting a stomach bug. I had left early the day they let her go and ended up staying home the next day. The day after that I came back and saw that any sign of her presence was gone. My supervisor told me what happened and asked how I felt about it. I said I was fine with it and told him how she had been acting towards me during and outside of work. We havenât spoken in 8 years.
After she left it was like a black cloud was lifted from the office. The other designers started talking to each other more and having more fun. She just sucked the life out of that place with her negativity and immature behavior.
A part of me misses her because we had a ton of fun together. Working together really ruined out friendship though. Thereâs a reason you canât really mix business with pleasure.
I occasionally hear from mutual friends that she will still make stupid posts about old shit. Like, why though? Why keep digging up old bullshit? What are you trying to prove? That after 8 years youâre STILL an asshole? I donât get it and never will. Itâs not like I can see any of her shit anyway. Sheâs still blocked.
I just donât understand why people insist on being horrible on purpose to people. If someone says something to upset you, just talk to them. 9 times out of 10 itâs unintentional. Anything I said or did that upset her was NEVER on purpose. She knew it but still would get mad at me....months later.
Oh, and if someone asks you if youâre mad at them and you LIE and say no, the situation becomes null and void. You have no right getting upset about it later on. You have no right to be an asshole to that person after you LIED to them. You were asked if you were upset, you LIED and said no, now you have to move on and forget about it. If youâre not ready to talk about it, just say so. If whatever upset you was not done intentionally, the person youâre mad at will understand. Just be an adult about it.