Something... happened to day, that made me realize a few things. Or at the very least, draw the right conclusions to knowledge I had passively observed without thinking.
I work retail at a corner store. One of my corworkers I share shift with is 17.
Today we got screamed at, over 4 dollars worth of 2 2-liter sodas.
The couple, particularly the girlfriend or wife (girlfriend honestly--I can't imagine, with how awkward 'deer-in-the-head-lights' her partner was with what happened, that he had asked the bitch to marry him), left the sodas behind. By store-closing-time, items left behind are usually put back (especially if they've come from the coolers / freezers--because that's a good way to make something go bad / get damaged by company policy timing).
I usually keep them out for 24 hours out of courtousy. There might be a policy about that--but fucked if I know where the SOPs are in easy access to look it up, but nor am I paid (or have the energy, support, resources) to do that on my lonesome. We're understaffed and there's shit to do.
So since we're not sure what to do in the situation, I text my boss. I tell em the situation, and I ask about it. While we wait, I let the couple know, and I ask them if they could wait on the side while we wait for a response, that way it doesn't look like anybody is stealing on the cameras if they just walk out with the soda without visibly paying.
The stealing word must've been a trigger, because the Girlfriend wasn't having it. She accused us of stealing by putting items back, she claimed it wasn't her responsibility to take her receipt when I suggested the receipt (in lack of any response from the boss--after all, we were just waiting for a quick verification), and slowly it escalated to her screaming.
But wait, it gets "better".
She pulls out her Phone to record the conversation, while she interrogatively pushed and hysterically screamed that we were stealing, set on ignoring me (literally putting her hand in my face--not quite touching but it was close), to interrogate my 17 year old (very much still a kid) coworker on if he put back the sodas--which he did quietly confirm.
If there was one thing I did successfully in the adrenaline rush of Freeze and Panic, I quietly motioned to him to stay as quiet as possible in the face of a recording.
Before she, with her rather bewildered struck-idiot boyfriend, left the store.
Of course I informed our boss. Luckily, our boss is one of those that backs us up when it comes to hysterically unreasonably angry customers. If the customer were to return--she's going to get a good talking to.
And in such irony, if they had just waited... they could've just walked out with the sodas without having to pay again, because the boss said it was okay because my coworker could confirm that he did sell them those sodas.
Irony is a bitch to everyone involved it seems.
Now, screaming hysterically over 4 dollars of 2 2-liter sodas is... already fucking stupid. Screaming at retail workers, when they are in the process of already confirming to you what you want, is also fucking stupid.
But let me detail how bad everything was, now that I'm capable of sitting down and writing it out--instead of freezing in panic and being utterly shaken, in the hopes ot establish--understanding of the situation and how one could be more informed about circumstances in the future.
Will it prevent anything? I don't know. But awareness is part of the battle.
Phone Recordings.
When it comes to an authority of resource and power, such as, Police, Politicians, and generally, those who can and will ruin your life by their terms--whipping out the phone is a tool to help best against a potentially predatory aggressor. It is evidence and it helps ensure fair game.
Whipping out your phone, however, to interrogate retail workers over product, and cheap product at that, is, however, aggression and potentially predatory on your part.
Because it...
1). Is with intent to publicly humiliate.
2). Intent to coerce.
3). Intent to nefarious action; with technology of today, that recording can be dressed up as anything, leading to more humiliation, false accusation, reputational destruction and slander.
Or worse.
Made more so if done towards a minor.
This means that, when not performed against an overwhelming authority, a phone recording is a potential digital attack.
I told the coworker myself that, this were to happen again, he is to go into the boss's office and lock himself in while I, or another adult, handle the situation. We were not trained on this. So, this had to be learned A hard way, thus I could only prevent further incident instead of this one. I am writing this down, so that others may not have to learn it in a hard way themselves.
No matter what age, circumstances dictates. Someone who does this to a retail worker, or aka "someone who is in the crab pot with you"--is performing a digital attack; digital attacks can be interrupted.
This leads to the second point.
Bystander Syndrome.
There was a line going on when this was happening. Instead of interfering, most of the line, the boyfriend included (Who stood there like a fucking turkey drowning in the rain), mere stood there awkwardly or looked at their phones.
Bystander Syndrome, when not against an aggressor with an outright weapon to immediate cause injury or an authority who's power will immediately overwhelm you and anyone near you, is the worst decision you can make.
At any point, other people could've interfered or interrupted; and you might wonder, why would they or why didn't they?
This leads to the third point.
Emergency Training.
No matter what age you are, when in an immediate situation of aggression and non-physical attack, without training or know-how, one will resolve a situation in a panicky tunnel visioned mess. If you have a lot to lose, you may unknowingly freeze or fawn and panic internally. If you feel you have nothing to lose, you may end up fighting and escalating a situation far more. Fainting will not be an option.
Its part of us being still meaty endurable animals who's first instinct is survive first, recover later no matter the cost.
Bystander Syndrome is developed when someone doesn't know how to handle a situation beyond simple surviving it with minimum input; effectively, a kind of fainting without loss of consciousness. You've checked out of the situation in front of you without assessing if the situation can be handled either by you, or by a greater authority or if freezing / fawning / fainting is the most appropriate response.
Made worse if you're directly confronted with it.
if you know how to clock it, you can get through a situation with everything and everyone intact, inspite of energy levels or levels of panicky--or at the very least, the best possibe circumstances if injury is unavoidable.
This requires training.
Training requires comprehensible instruction, repetition, and above all else, support and reinforcement. As social animals, human beings require support and reinforcement both immediately and overtime.
While experience can work, unfortunately, there are some experiences you don't come back from. This is why comprehensible instruction is so important, as it allows more survival through circumstance than experience can reliably account for.
Proof of this can be seen in emergency services, such as paramedic, firefigthers, doctors and other responders, as well as military and law enforcement.
Yes, I did say that a phone can be used to help against law enforcement in the name of fair game and protection of one's self against an authority that can abuse their power over you--that doesn't mean law enforcement is not an example of those trained, supported, and reinforced to act according in emergent situations. That's part of why they're scary, pal.
Many people, especially when it comes to technology, are not in the know-how on how to handle or even know what counts a digital attack. Most do not know how to handle, or have been cynically drained, from handling verbal attacks alone.
Bystander Syndrome is developed by not knowing. (Or not caring, but that's its own set of problems that might require a thicker book of essays about).
An idea to remedy and mitigate, is to inform on what to do in case of a digital recording attack by a non-authority. Perhaps there is a phone number to call, perhaps an interruption / intervention is in order.
Risk assessment and empathy are, of course, required. Not every situation can be interfered with, after all.
Assessment requires an understanding of the environment and situations of all and everything involved. This is what we call "Common Sense" in polite conversation, but Risk Assessment and Situation Awareness in more serious settings.
And the reason it is in short supply--is because nobody is being trained to use it beyond fear mongering and being fear mongered.
The Four Point - Acceptability Gone Wrong.
Remember that this is a retail job. Many adults, parents included, consider (rather nonsensically) retail, fast food, and other small minimum or just above minum wage, blue collar jobs to be a child's starting job.
In many of these jobs, abuse is taken. Customers, such as grown adults and elders, will yell, scream, kick, throw, and in the story above, record, when they don't receive what they want as they want it, regardless of the cost of the item--and definitely at the expense of the worker.
In fast food, many workers have food thrown back at them in direct assault by an irate customer. Many irate customers are not, in fact, minors of any kind.
In retail, screaming, digital attack, false accusation, vandilization and slander are common. Physical assault is rare in rural settings, uncommon in urban, and not unexpected in the worst areas.
Most irate customers do this both because they feel they've been cheated, whether it was their fault or circumstance, and many see the upfront worker as the face of the entire company and thus--the easiest target to attack.
And because there is the attitude of the "Customer is Always Right"--they often get away with this.
And yet, such jobs are considered a Children's Job--meaning that many parents and other adults do not, in fact, consider the dangers that come with every job, and that taking a job, any job, should be consider, universally, a hefty thing that requires protection, proper wages (regardless of age) and more.
And that they are sending their children to be attacked for less than can be recovered from. And that they expect adults to be attacked as well, in fact, even more so--with many believing that simply having such small time jobs is worth being attacked for in the first place.
I don't know about other countries--the US seems to think that starving and being left to the elements (at the least), is the most appropriate(ly common) punishment for finding ways to exist; because the image of something seems to be worth more than the lives that have to be involved.
...
At the end of this, I hope I've written enough to garner an understanding and possibly awareness, or at the very least, assessment by example.
I don't hang around horror story retail spaces enough to know if anyone else as written as such--they prolly have, but review isn't a bad thing; and when it comes to the age of information; assess, review, reinforce, and support will be the greatest assets.
And there's prolly plenty of training for the situations above, but not easily accessible or in general awareness.
the coworker is alright. Obviously shaken, but he's fine. He's working towards getting a car, that's why he has this job.
