#assholebrain

My boyfriend proposed to me last night on my 35th birthday under the brightest fireworks! It was magical and wonderful and I was totally surprised! I am still basking in the afterglow of everything that happened and how well everyone kept it a secret from me. My best friends knew and both of our families. We have not really talked about planning yet. He suggested a destination but I have to make sure my dad would be on board. He doesn’t like to travel and I obviously need him there. I know the rest of my family would go. We’ll see!

As excited and happy I am with all of this, my anxiety is trying to get the best of me and trying to convince me something terrible is going to happen. A death, a horrible accident...I wish I could just shut my brain the fuck down and just let happiness take over! I am so excited to be planning my wedding...something I never thought I’d ever get to do considering how previous relationships had panned out...I just wish I could get through it without my anxiety being an asshole. I really hope that getting through all of this will be simple and fun.

When my best friend got married in 2015, planning her wedding was such a blast! Her bridal party was made up the most incredible ladies ever who all meshed so well together. We had a ton of fun planning surprises to the bride and groom. The bachelorette party went off without a hitch! I’ve prayed that when my time comes that everything goes as smoothly. I hope everyone gets a long and just comes together to help us plan the best day of our lives! I hope that everyone I want/need to be there will be there without an issues. I just want it to be perfect!!!!

My brain is an asshole!

Last night, I woke, abruptly, from a nightmare. I jumped out of bed and yelled "oh my God!" because someone was coming through my wall at the corner of the bed. I had to spend about 10 minutes calming myself down before I could go back to sleep.