far from a poet

i Hate how entitled adults can feel over a child’s hair!

it started when i was young myself, i wanted a mohawk, but my dad didn’t approve of that look on a “girl”, and insisted i’d regret such a bold cut. at 16 i was finally given full autonomy over my own head.

but then i have a son and everyone around us is trying to keep his hair short. when we finally moved out just me my partner and him, i told him he doesn’t need to get any haircuts he doesn’t want.

so he starts growing it out, it’s still short but coming on mid-length. his teacher makes a point to tell me it’s getting long as if i don’t have eyes. i hear her walking out with him one day talking to him about haircuts, as if to coax him into one. eventually i get child services called on me for ‘forcing a transgender lifestyle’ over what i can only assume is from a combination of me drawing cute ponies on his valentine box and letting him go to school in a ponytail.

he kept it short for awhile after but told me he wanted to grow it out again, so i let him of course. he comes home one day after getting a haircut at his grandpa’s and tells me he didn’t Want the haircut.

i ask why he got it then and learned he was bribed with a promise of a surprise IF he cut his hair.

but This One Lady from church decided that leaving my hair messy and curly was child abuse and threatened to call social services on my family every damn time she saw me until one day she was the designated kid watcher and ho boy my momma tells me i came out with tears in my eyes and greasy slicked down hair and that’s where she ends the story because i think my mother beat her ass but yeah.

Some reasons, not exhaustive:

Parents tightly controlling this shit is damaging and super often indicative of sexism or queerphobia they will begin imposing or are already imposing on the child.

Early form of indoctrination into boys vs. girls behavior; it begins super young when the child is very malleable. Sets the stage for strict gender roles.

A parent who does not respect their child’s autonomy over something as trivial as their hair is absolutely not going to defend their child from other assaults on their autonomy, unless those assaults are property crimes that challenge or might lead their child to challenge their ownership of the child’s body.

It’s disgusting.

It also goes for life partners. Controlling someone’s appearance either directly, or indirectly through repeated “hints” and shit-talking people who don’t meet their standards is at the very least toxic, and sometimes it is downright abusive. There’s a reason “woman cuts her hair in a way that she knows you don’t like” is seen as a “warning sign” that your wife might “leave you.” The hold is breaking. I did it, progressively, as things spiraled down. It wasn’t rebellion. It was reclamation. (Also me realizing that I really didn’t like having long hair. This is way better.

They’re also disciplined in the interim too - The hair is used as a reason why they can’t do things the children-being-boyed do: Can’t go in the sea, your hair will get tangled and it’ll be cold on your back all day. Can’t play in the bushes, your hair will be a mess. Can’t lie down on the grass or do tumbles, your hair…