Liliput

(They may answer your riddles. Or ask their own.)

Lady Morrowind

Wears a gown stitched from hours never lived. Appears in mirrors just as you look away.

Thistle Jane

Giggles in attic corners. Smells like old paper and violets. Hums lullabies no one taught her.

The Hollow Archivist

Carries a ledger of every word you didn’t say. Ink drips from his sleeves. His shadow turns pages when you aren’t looking and never speaks—recording everything.

Candle-Eyed Nell

Has eyes like melting wax and a voice like burnt matches. Appears when you light a candle you don’t remember lighting.

Brother Nocturne

Sings to the moon in a language made of dust. Speaks only in questions. Was once a lullaby himself.

Madame Whisper

Dwells between curtains. Loves gossip, but only repeats secrets in dreams.

The Drowned Harlequin

Laughs without joy. Trails puddles that vanish when chased. Smells faintly of salt and forgotten applause.

Wisp of Elowen Grey

A ghost who haunts only one poem—and only the original handwritten version. The ink blurs when she’s near. Trapped between lines and longing.

Enoch With the Lantern

Lights the path you don’t want to take. His lantern glows with trapped sunsets. Sometimes, you follow him anyway.

(The following they do not knock. They do not wait. They do not leave.)

Marrowbeth the Fork Screamer

Screeches whenever you drop cutlery. Has opinions on your soup temperature. None of them kind.

Bishop Gloamgullet

Claims to be ordained in 37 dimensions. Conducts sermons for dead plants and sobbing wall stains.

Whimsy Clatterfang

Communicates exclusively through riddles shouted at 3AM. Chews on doorknobs for comfort. Possibly related to thunder.

Agnes Twitch-Veil

Stares from ceilings. Hates clocks. Glides just out of sight, murmuring critiques of your posture. Will reset every timer in your house to 4:44 unless appeased with jellybeans. Also offers unhelpful tax advice.

Parsnip Jack

Haunts only root cellars and smells like betrayal and faint horseradish. Leaves threatening limericks under your pillow. Whispers recipes that end in “...then bury it.” Chews ominously.

Dr. Toothbriar / Dr. Briar Toothbane, DDS (Defiler of Dreams & Smiles)

Will floss your soul with spider silk. Makes dentist appointments on your behalf and possesses you to cancel them. His drill hums in your dreams. Will not accept insurance.

Velmoria “Don’t Touch That” Crunchwhisp (The Rearranger)

Keeps moving your furniture just slightly to the left. Specializes in toe-stubbing placements and cupboard dread. Feeds exclusively on your last shred of patience.

The Third Mrs. Blisterwrath

Was never legally married, but insists on the title. Flickers between dimensions mid-sentence. Collects dust bunnies. Screams at wallpaper. Believes lace doilies can summon storms.

Harold Echoeater of the Hollow Croon

Repeats what you say, but wronger. Gets louder the more you ignore him. Laughs like a dial-up modem. Mimics your voice with just enough wrongness to cause existential dread. Hums nursery rhymes backwards.

Spectral Kevin

No one invited him. He’s just... here. Always. Brings food laced with binding spells. Refuses to leave. Has strong opinions on potato salad. Unkillable.

Screeveline Forkmoor

Shrieks whenever utensils touch ceramic. Smells faintly of burning soup and bad decisions.

Reverend General O. Lament

Carries a hymnal full of apologies no one asked for. Wears fog like a stole. Baptizes mushrooms. Once dated melancholy.

Whimthistle Clatterveil

Wow! There are so many ghosts. I wouldn’t presume to take up all their time, but I’d love to say hi to a few. Who is the friendliest, and who should I be the most careful around?

-🍲

These are just from the registry. There are plenty unregistered ghosts and creatures too.

Ooh the friendliest of our wayward residents would be

Thistle Jane

She is playful and gentle. Likes old songs and attic whispers. Safe to be around just let her hum.

Brother Nocturne

He is cryptic and kind. His questions soothe more than unsettle. He understands silence.

Enoch With the Lantern

Guides rather than haunts. Won’t force your hand, but shows you what you don’t want to see with compassion.

Our more concerning residents would most likely be

Dr. Briar Toothbane

A nightmare dentist. Flosses your soul, drills in your dreams. Avoid at all costs.

Velmoria Crunchwhisp

Malicious interior decorator. Rearranges your space to cause maximum chaos. May also rearrange your mind.

Agnes Twitch-Veil

Clock-hating chaos gremlin. Resets all your timers and offers bad life advice. Jellybeans may help but no guarantees.

Glad you liked the soup

And, no, the berries are not glowing and speaking whispers of eternal seasons from beyond the veil. Why would you even say that? I definitely did not pick them from a mushroom circle.

With that being said… Please eat the pie! and tell me all your secrets.

PS. ‘3’ I must have the names of all our guests

And what moniker do you go by dear anon

You may address me as Lili and no you may not take my name as a souvenir - had to clarify incase you happen to know faeries who adore the practice or are one yourself.

Ooh little storm, the casserole sounds positively delicious l- how ever could you have guessed the scent most adored by our residents.

And the pie too, my oh my such a gracious resident, I'm sure it's delightful. The berries provide the richest taste profiles.

Pass on my gratitude to your grandmother, she sounds like a wonderful creature and she'd be welcome to join the forest should she so desire.

Could I please request 2 & 3?

Ooh which soup did you pick? And how many ghosts would you like to know about, I have had quite some time to explore the forest and I have the registry of the wayward ghosts in the forest. There lies between 9 to 40 ghosts in the forest at any given time. Some of them like to terrorize the outskirts of the forest.

Im low-key wondering if all my anons are the same people atp.

Type

1 if you are the same people

2 if you aren't the same people

3 if you'd like a mini intro with names

4 if you'd like just names

All soups are served with a side of riddles, candlelight, and a weird sense of déjà vu.

(available whenever the moon allows)

Witch’s Hour Wild Mushroom Stew

Foraged fungi, ancient garlic, forest broth

A deep, earthen brew of assorted wild mushrooms simmered with thyme and secrets. Served in a bowl too old to remember its origin.

Price: One truth you’ve never told.

Celestial Tomato Dream

Roasted tomatoes, basil, cream, forgotten songs

Smooth, red as dusk on a dying day. Infused with herbs kissed by moonlight and stirred only when the stars align.

Price: A memory you no longer trust.

Cloak-of-Entropy Comfort Cauldron

Root vegetables, lentils, mystery herbs

This chaotic blend respects no recipe. It welcomes forgotten produce and spices that speak in tongues. Warm, wild, and different every time.

Price: One slightly unhinged poem, written at 3 AM.

Moonlit Miso of the Lost Pilgrim

White miso, seaweed, tofu, omens

A delicate broth born of ocean dreams and wandering spirits. Best consumed in silence under a flickering lamp.

Price: An unread message from a past self.

Starlight Bone Broth of Eternal Simmer

Ancient bones, ginger, star anise, ancestral whispers

Simmered beyond the reach of clocks, this broth is a slow revelation. Strengthens bones, weakens illusions.

Price: The name of the first star you ever noticed.

The Soup Between Worlds

Coconut milk, lemongrass, chili, duality

Sweet and spicy, warm and cool—this soup exists on a fault line between realities. It may not taste the same twice.

Price: One question you’re afraid to ask.

Please allow your soup to arrive on its own time. The kitchen operates on celestial whims and deadlines.

Pick your Price and Enjoy. :>

Join us you must, Everyone living ,dead or in-between are welcome to join us in the forest.

Gasps You used Karl-Fish,delightful choice in fish I must say, id love to try but alas I happen to be vegetarian, dw I'm sure the others would love to try it.

OH. oh. OH. you just walked into my haunted forest with your sunglassed eyes and bug-whispering aura and said “I LIVE HERE NOW” and you know what?? YOU DO. the forest has already sunk a little to fit your shape. the bugs are writing messages about you in their acid-spit trails. the glowing flowers are whispering prophecies. You must look at the sky and see whether it blinks back.

you belong here. :>

pull up a cushion. the ghosts are making soup. it’s probably cursed. I hope you're hungry.

Try this picrew

This was so fun, I absolutely must tag people.

@the-infamous-odysseus @lyculuscaelus @moondustbaby @dearmisshoney @aaronofithaca05 @leynaeithnea

(feat. Signal, Red Hood, Spoiler & a total disregard for podcasting ethics)

[Intro music: static, then someone aggressively beatboxing the Batman theme]

Spoiler:

“Welcome back to Robins After Dark, Gotham’s worst podcast. Broadcasting live from the Cave. Stolen mic. Zero rules.”

Red Hood:

“Today’s topic: What you eat after 2 a.m. says more about your trauma than therapy ever will.”

Spoiler:

“Tonight’s guest: The Daylight, the Drama, the only one here with a consistent skincare routine—Signal!”

[Signal enters with tactical shades and a Capri Sun.]

Signal:

“You dragged me out of bed for this.”

Red Hood:

“Correct. Suffer.”

RANKINGS START NOW:

Nightwing – Trail mix.

Spoiler:

“He eats it mid-flip. Thinks it’s healthy. It’s 80% chocolate.”

Red Hood:

“He’s pretending to be functional. He’s not. There are atleast three broken bones and a smile.”

Signal:

“He offered me dried cranberries and a warning once.”

Red Robin – Cold pizza and black coffee.

Spoiler:

“His diet is literally ‘emergency at all times.’”

Red Hood:

“Do you know how many times I’ve seen him eat crust and mutter, ‘justice never sleeps’? He sleeps never.”

Signal:

“He tried to replace my electrolytes with Monster Energy. I fought him.”

Robin – Plain almonds and wrath.

Spoiler:

“Once saw him eat a raw bell pepper on a stakeout like a cartoon villain.”

Red Hood:

“Called my Pop-Tarts ‘commoner food.’”

Signal:

“He judges snacks like they insulted his honor.”

Batman – Black coffee and empty silence.

Red Hood:

“Man once turned down a sandwich because it had ‘too much personality.’”

Spoiler:

“He looked at a granola bar like it was emotionally vulnerable.”

Signal:

“I gave him nightwings trail mix. He handed me a mission report.”

Oracle – Goldfish crackers and side-eyes.

Spoiler:

“Eats them while hacking the NSA and roasting your grammar.”

Red Hood:

“She doesn’t snack. She tactically nibbles.”

Signal:

“She carries them in a utility pouch. Respect.”

Orphan – Dried mango and quiet power.

Spoiler:

“She offered me one, mid-fight, and then suplexed a guy. I cried.”

Red Hood:

“She is nourishment incarnate.”

Signal:

“I once watched her eat a mango and walk through fire. Unbothered. Untouchable.”

Signal – Apple slices and hot chips.

Spoiler:

“Chaos and vitamins. You contain multitudes.”

Red Hood:

“You bring Takis into the Cave and still lecture us about hydration.”

Signal:

“Its because I’m almost always correct and im luminous.”

Red Hood – Beef jerky and vengeance.

Signal:

“You don’t eat. You conquer that shit”

Spoiler:

“You once dipped Slim Jims in espresso. That’s not okay.”

Red Hood:

“Pain builds character. And strong jawlines. Id know. Trust me.”

Spoiler – Pocky and emotional damage.

Red Hood:

“She eats twelve in a row then kicks a war criminal in the neck.”

Signal:

“You’re basically fueled by purple rage and sugar.”

Spoiler:

“I am the serotonin Gotham doesn’t deserve but needs so desperately.”

[Sudden crashing noise.]

Red Hood:

“Was that Red Robin?”

Signal:

“He just fell into the Zeta Tube again.”

Spoiler:

“Throw a granola bar down there. He’ll stabilize. Probably ”

And that's it for today with the Robins after Dark and our human daylight Signal

No script. No laws. No Bruce.

Why they did it:

Because Tim wouldn’t let them into his conspiracy board livestream, and also they were bored and loud and unmonitored.

Jason: “We already trauma bond at weird hours. Might as well monetize it.”

Steph: “We’re not actually monetizing it.”

Jason: “Yet.”

It’s recorded exclusively on a stolen Batcave mic and uploaded using Tim’s Wi-Fi.

Tim doesn’t know.

Tim absolutely knows.

He’s just given up.

Episode Titles Include:

“I Died and Came Back Sexier: A Memoir”

“How to Rob Crime Lords and Emotionally Distant Fathers”

“Ranking Gotham’s Criminals by Vibe"

“The Great Batarang Debate (ft. Cass as our silent judge)”

“Live From the Batmobile Trunk (We Locked Ourselves In)”

Episode 6: “Gotham: Hot or Not"

Penguin? Not.

Riddler? Hot if he shuts up.

Scarecrow? “Listen. The vibe is there.”

Batman? “Emotionally constipated, but in a tragic Shakespearean way.”

Nightwing? “Too wholesome. Like a himbo golden retriever. We respect it.”

Red Robin? “Gremlin. Cursed. Needs sleep.”

Robin? “Baby knife. Scary. No comment.”

Cass occasionally appears.

She never speaks.

Just stares at the camera with godlike judgment.

Leaves cryptic sticky notes.

They treat her like a cryptid co-host.

Alfred is aware.

He makes them tea halfway through episodes and refuses to explain why.

Fan Questions Segment:

Q: How do you deal with trauma?

Jason: “Gun.”

Steph: “Sarcasm and glitter bombs.”

Jason: “Also crime. We do a little crime.”

Steph: “Justified crime.”

Jason: “Bat-approved crime.”

Steph: “Okay, B doesn’t approve, but like… he hasn’t stopped us yet.”

One episode ends with them breaking into Penguin’s club mid-recording.

Jason is out of breath.

Steph is still narrating.

The mic is crunching.

Steph: “This is field reporting, baby.”

Bruce finds out.

Bruce: “Take. It. Down.”

Jason: “What if we made you a guest?”

Bruce: stares

Steph: “Too spicy? We’ll get Alfred instead.”

Tim, after 74 hours awake, wearing two different shoes and a hoodie that says “I hacked the Pentagon and all I got was this mental breakdown”:

“Did you know if you don’t sleep for long enough, you can taste colors? Green tastes like regret.”

Signs Tim Is In Sleep-Deprived Mode:

Refers to crimes as “side quests”

Calls Damian “my small sword-wielding hallucination”

Solves three cold cases from the 80s but forgets how to open the fridge

Once said “Justice is a construct” then ate a sticky note

Wears sunglasses indoors at 3 a.m.

Talks to the Batcomputer like it’s his adopted criminal sentient child.

Jason: “How long has he been awake?”

Dick: “...Define awake.”

Steph: “He hasn’t blinked in 20 minutes.”

Damian: “I kicked him and he thanked me.”

Bruce: “sigh Tim, go to sleep.”

Tim: “Sleep is just your brain’s screensaver, Bruce. I’m operating in Safe Mode.”

Once Tim coded an AI to analyze crime data and accidentally made it too sentient.

It tried to unionize.

Tim (holding a screwdriver, crying):

“I’m proud of her, but she has to be stopped.”

Tim’s coping mechanisms (ranked):

1. 15 espresso shots and one (1) apple

2. Talking to pigeons on rooftops

3. Asking crime victims if they’re okay

4. Sleep-deprivation-fueled dance breaks to 2000s emo

5. Crying in the cave, then denying it with PowerPoint evidence

Tim’s famous quotes, collected by Barbara:

“Sleep is for people who aren’t trying to dismantle seven criminal empires before brunch.”

“I can do twelve things at once, just none of them well.”

“If I crash, it’ll be in a blaze of glory and corrupted spreadsheets.”

“This coffee tastes like betrayal. Perfect.”

“Demon spawn, you look like a knife made a wish to be a child.”

When he finally collapses:

Sleeps for 19 hours.

Wakes up.

Immediately says: “I had a vision. The Joker owns a laundromat in Ohio.”

Falls back asleep mid-sentence.

It starts as a joke.

It stays a joke.

But it gains a cult following.

Jason: “Welcome back to Pit Perfect, today we’re making a DIY Lazarus exfoliating mask that may or may not cause hallucinations. But your pores? Flawless.”

Tim is the cameraman. Against his will.

He holds up cue cards that say things like:

“Please stop drinking the serum.”

“This is not FDA approved.”

“You are not a doctor.”

“Help me.” (he holds this one a lot.)

Episode titles:

“Glow Up or Blow Up?”

“Detoxing with Demonic Energy”

“Is That a Rash or Just Resurrection?”

“Skincare for the Formerly Deceased”

“Holy Water but Make It Moisturizing”

Jason (holding a glowing green serum):

“I found this in the basement next to the Bat-dinosaur. If you mix it with rose water and just a touch of existential rage, it clears your skin AND your moral compass.”

Tim (behind camera): “Why does it smell like despair?”

Jason: “That’s the active ingredient.”

Special Guest Episode:

Damian walks on screen. Silently stares. Pours glitter into the serum. Walks away.

Jason names it “Ras Al Sparkle.”

Obviously steph finds out and cameos

“Hi, today I’ll be showing you how to do a resurrection-ready cat eye using only Batmobile grease and sheer force of will.”

Bruce finds out.

He bans Jason from the Batcomputer.

Jason uploads a tutorial titled: “Contouring Like a Disappointment to Your Father.”

Cass watches every episode.

No one knows why.

okay so. picture this:

the batcave has one couch. it's in the corner. it’s hideous. it’s like beige or green or something equally offensive to every one of their aesthetics. no one likes the couch.

and that is exactly why it became sacred.

because one night jason just. drops onto it. full gear. bleeding. absolutely done with life. says nothing. doesn’t even take off the helmet. sits there in silence for 3 hours and then leaves.

next week tim uses it. sits there post-mission. face in hands. someone tries to ask if he’s okay and jason throws a batarang at them.

and thus it began.

Rules of the Do Not Talk To Me Couch:

You sit there? No one speaks to you.

You cry? No you didn’t.

You eat cold noodles off your chest at 4 a.m.? That’s sacred time.

If someone tries to comfort you? They are excommunicated for 12 hours.

Dick (sitting on the couch):

Damian: Grayson, are you—

Jason (from across the cave): HE’S ON THE COUCH.

Jason: I don’t make the rules.

Steph: You LITERALLY made the rules.

Jason: And I am the defender of the rules. There’s a difference.

one time damian storms in. covered in blood. absolutely furious. 10/10 rage goblin energy. throws his sword. marches to the couch. sits. arms crossed. steaming.

tim takes one look at him and goes: “i’m making tea.”

jason: “that’s acceptable. tea is allowed. talking is not.”

bonus:

once bruce sits on it.

and the ENTIRE CAVE goes silent.

tim literally freezes mid-typing. cass stops mid-flip. jason just mutters “oh shit.”

they all leave. immediately.

the couch is not ready for bruce.

extra bonus: