I've been going through some stuff lately and this morning was the first time that I felt the need to write... just whatever, you know? I wrote it with pencil on a piece of paper and wanted to leave it here because funnily enough I'm okay with whichever amount of strangers on the internet reading my most vulnerable thoughts so far. Beware, English isn't my first language and I was feeling a little too poetic at times. It also gets a little... something... at the end, but I didn't want to change anything. It's raw and honest at least.
Today, Thursday June 25th, I possess little to no will to live.
It may have something to do with my ex mother-in-law, or with this freezing, cloudy day, or the fact that I haven't eaten anything in more than twelve hours, or that during the morning shift I have only three students, one being completely oblivious to the fact that she needs to pay attention when I'm explaining a topic. Or perhaps it's because in the first hour I had an obnoxious six-year-old that wants to have everything his way, or is used to, anyways... shitty parenting, I suppose. Maybe it's due to that one co-worker who at one point during the year, every year, decides she's annoyed by me and begins to greet me differently in comparison to the rest and overall stops talking to me. She's a massive, immature, tight and joyless cunt. Respectfully.
I spent a few minutes writing this and it's still too early; there are like twenty minutes left. Students are re-writing sentences from present continuous to past simple so it'll take a while, thank fuck.
I'd like to fast foward to exactly one month. Going on a trip with my friends, cured from whatever I have to deal with at the ginecologist today, perhaps with a stronger bond or a boyfriend... him. Please. I want everything sweet and loving, but also I realized that I want with him what I never really did fully with my ex. I want to fuck him. I want him to fuck me. The other night when he shoved his fingers inside me it felt amazing... It did hurt but not because they couldn't get it. I want his cock to be deep inside me and to pull his hair and scratch him and be pressed down and chocked and slapped again. I want to see him watching me chocking on his cock and crumble.