Egg Noodle

$50,000 immediately dropped into my bank account wouldn't improve EVERYTHING but boy it sure would be a grand, sexy little start to a good, happy life path, don't you think

Reblog for unexpected $$$ dropping into your Bank account.

"autistic people read things too literally" yeah, maybe when we're kids. veteran autistics go through years of mistreatment and read literal statements as passive aggressive instead

autistic people ask our significant others if they want to hang out and spend twenty minutes worrying about how overbearing we mustve been to make them say "we can certainly do that, yes"

no no, I realise it, I’m just still driving despite the check engine light being on

may your next ibuprofen take effect swiftly and noticeably

Doctor said I only have to do four hours of therapy a week instead of seven. I am the pina colada of mental health.

I meant to say "pinnacle", not "pina colada". The telephone is a cruel mistress. I am so healthy, still.

this actually reminds me of when i was in second grade and it was snack time but we had been misbehaving so they gave us assigned seats on the rug and i had to sit next to this girl who’s snack was mangoes but i didn’t like her because she bullied me so i told the teacher that i was allergic to mangoes and i couldn’t sit next to her and my teacher was like “oh it doesn’t say anything about any food allergies on this paper right here you might have to update the school nurse on that” so i went to the school nurses office and she called my mom and my mom was like (and i genuinely have no idea why) but my mom was like “yeah sure she’s allergic to mangoes” so then the school had on paper that i was allergic to mangoes so at this point i was like in wayyy to deep so i just pretended to be allergic to mangoes for the next 5 years like i went full throttle into this lie i even came up with a backstory to explain how i found out i was allergic to mangoes it got to the point where even my parents just genuinely believed i was allergic to mangoes until one day when i was 12 i just came clean and explained the story to my parents and they where like “yeah that sounds like something you’d do” but anyway i never got to enjoy my new found mango freedom until about a year later when i was over at my friends house and they had mangoes and i was like “actually i haven’t had a mango in 6 years” and they where like “omg they’re so good you have to try some” so i did and they were sooooo good like i look exactly like the picture above i was gobbleing that shit up like cookie monster it was insane and anyway basically 20 minutes later i broke out in hives.

My anthro professor has three forbidden words for his essays: problematic, interesting, and large. Point being they’re all filler words, he wants you to just skip straight to why it’s interesting or why it’s problematic. But anyway, any time I disagree with him in class I say to him “mm, interesting, but largely problematic.”

Not for long you didn’t